10 Answers

Reach out to him. Have your say. You need to do this for you. He might be ready to be a father after all these years and even if he isn't, I'm sure you have a lot you need to say to him.

You know you love your step-dad like he was your birth father. He knows this too. Don't feel guilty about wanting to reach out to your birth father because of this.

I see no reason why you can't have two fathers if you find out in time your need to each out to your real father is based on wanting to know him again more than being afraid of being without a dad (which could be a reason for your desire but only you can answer that).

Did you check your e-mail btw? I sent you my phone number.

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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It's lovely the way you have adopted your stepdad.
But despite the drunken abuse I'm sure your bio dad has feelings for you.
Contact him & see what gives.You may be in for a surprise.
Good luck with it.

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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I also consider my stepfather as my Dad, the original sperm provider is a complete and utter arsehole! I tried to be friends with him but his enormously over inflated ego, total absence of compassion, complete selfishness and the total inability to hear/listen to anyone else apart from himself made it bloody hard work.
plus he insisted that i should call him dad (never did) although the guy hasn't done anything dad-like in all my life for me or my brothers.
I know how to be a dad, and a good one! ;-)
so when he pops his clogs I probably wont know, and I really don't care!.
now my step dad I would jump to help immediately :-)

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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"as far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons." ... Desiderata

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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You must go for it before it's too late. You will regret it if you didn't. Life is short.

12 years ago. Rating: 6
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Jenn, if you desire to see him then by all means go to him. Everyday should be considered Father's Day or Mother's Day or any of those "one" day Hallmark holidays. If you don't act on your feelings, you will wonder what might have been.

12 years ago. Rating: 6
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I am the step father of two children (different mothers). I wouldn't have any problem with either having contact with their dying bio father because I know each of them see me as "dad". We all must realize that when there are multiple marriages, there are also multiple lives. We married into that of our own free will and have no right to expect our spouse nor their children to block out their past.

12 years ago. Rating: 5
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I think if you have this desire to reach out then thats exactly what you should do.Maybe he is really wanting to get to know you but afraid and ashamed for what he has done. He may still be the same person he was years gone by but you will never know if you don't try. Living life full of what if, should have and could haves really sucks. No matter what he is part of who you are biologically. Thank God for your step father stepping in to your life.

12 years ago. Rating: 5
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I've had two, both were good men. I had a bumpy relationship with the last one but we're cool with each other now. He will die shortly as he has instructed us to not keep him alive by artificial means. I will miss him. As I miss my first step father. I still can't understand how my bio father could reject his own flesh and blood. He passed away recently, got some explaining to do with the "Big Guy".

12 years ago. Rating: 3
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Was your mom preg when she married your dad ? This has some bearing on trying to understand why he was an abusive drunk, not that it excuses him

12 years ago. Rating: 1
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