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    Step fathers/ Opinions PLEASE

    It is fathers day.. I was raised until i was 16 by an abusive drunk.. When I was 18 my mom married the only man I will ever concider me dad... Most of you know my dad is dying.. That has brought up so many thought and feeling... some about the man who raised me.. Ihave a desire to reach out to him... I cant shake it
    OPINIONS PLEASE>>>>>>

    +1  Views: 654 Answers: 10 Posted: 10 years ago

    10 Answers

    Reach out to him. Have your say. You need to do this for you. He might be ready to be a father after all these years and even if he isn't, I'm sure you have a lot you need to say to him.

    You know you love your step-dad like he was your birth father. He knows this too. Don't feel guilty about wanting to reach out to your birth father because of this.

    I see no reason why you can't have two fathers if you find out in time your need to each out to your real father is based on wanting to know him again more than being afraid of being without a dad (which could be a reason for your desire but only you can answer that).

    Did you check your e-mail btw? I sent you my phone number.
    Jenn

    Neither of these men are my bio dad.. I was "tanem" for him when I was an infant.. So I never met him..... I found him 6 mo after he died.
    I have not been home and have not checked my e-mail... But I did tell my hubby what a good friends I have found in you..
    Colleen

    Moderator
    You have this great knack of blowing apart all my psychiatric diagnosis, lol
    Jenn

    Ya well my family dinamic could make Dr phils head spin.. LOL
    It's lovely the way you have adopted your stepdad.
    But despite the drunken abuse I'm sure your bio dad has feelings for you.
    Contact him & see what gives.You may be in for a surprise.
    Good luck with it.
    Jenn

    Niether one of them are my bio dad.
    Tommyh

    Now I'm confused.where's your bio dad? If this other guy was a step dad or a defacto relationship with your mum - Bugger Him!! he certainly doesn't deserve the thought & appreciation you are giving him if he was abusive.
    Jenn

    HAhaha.. I never met my bio dad... But I was raised by step dad #1 until I was 16... Yup we put the dis in disfuntional. LOL
    I also consider my stepfather as my Dad, the original sperm provider is a complete and utter arsehole! I tried to be friends with him but his enormously over inflated ego, total absence of compassion, complete selfishness and the total inability to hear/listen to anyone else apart from himself made it bloody hard work.
    plus he insisted that i should call him dad (never did) although the guy hasn't done anything dad-like in all my life for me or my brothers.
    I know how to be a dad, and a good one! ;-)
    so when he pops his clogs I probably wont know, and I really don't care!.
    now my step dad I would jump to help immediately :-)
    ed shank

    My situation is very similar to yours. My bio father rejected any communication with me. My three step sisters as well. Never met the man.
    mycatsmom

    To Grit Savage ---he sounds like a narcissistic socio-path. Sorry. But, glad you have your step-dad
    Grit Savage

    no need to feel sorry mate. I can imagine what life would have been if he had stayed in my life, Bad!
    I got lucky :-)
    Jenn

    Neither one of these men are my bio dad.. My mom "took" me when I was an infant.. inever met bio dad.. I found him after he has passed away.
    Grit Savage

    @ Jenn. you should go and see him if you really want to, it'll put your mind at rest.
    but prepare yourself for disappointment just in case. ;-)
    "as far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons." ... Desiderata
    You must go for it before it's too late. You will regret it if you didn't. Life is short.
    Jenn, if you desire to see him then by all means go to him. Everyday should be considered Father's Day or Mother's Day or any of those "one" day Hallmark holidays. If you don't act on your feelings, you will wonder what might have been.
    I am the step father of two children (different mothers). I wouldn't have any problem with either having contact with their dying bio father because I know each of them see me as "dad". We all must realize that when there are multiple marriages, there are also multiple lives. We married into that of our own free will and have no right to expect our spouse nor their children to block out their past.
    Flip

    P.S. Is it your "bio" or "step" dad that is ill?
    Jenn

    Niether are my bio dad...
    I think if you have this desire to reach out then thats exactly what you should do.Maybe he is really wanting to get to know you but afraid and ashamed for what he has done. He may still be the same person he was years gone by but you will never know if you don't try. Living life full of what if, should have and could haves really sucks. No matter what he is part of who you are biologically. Thank God for your step father stepping in to your life.
    ed shank

    I agree, one should try communicating with a lost parent. Just be prepared for possible rejection.
    mom

    exactly...it could go either way.
    Jenn

    Wow I thought Iput that niether are my bio dad...
    mom

    Oh I missread that Jenn...I still stand by what I said about having that desire.
    I've had two, both were good men. I had a bumpy relationship with the last one but we're cool with each other now. He will die shortly as he has instructed us to not keep him alive by artificial means. I will miss him. As I miss my first step father. I still can't understand how my bio father could reject his own flesh and blood. He passed away recently, got some explaining to do with the "Big Guy".
    Was your mom preg when she married your dad ? This has some bearing on trying to understand why he was an abusive drunk, not that it excuses him
    Jenn

    Bo I nave r met my bio dad... Both of these men are step fathers.


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