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    How do I get past my jealousy & suspicious thinking when it comes to a relationship ?

    0  Views: 411 Answers: 1 Posted: 12 years ago

    1 Answer

    Wow, this is complex!

    First of all, I don't know why you are jealous. It can have many causes:
    a) bad experiences with former relationships
    b) a self-esteem issue which makes you feel uncertain about others
    c) an overpronounced need of control, which again can be based on fear or compulsive possessivity

    So I can only enumerate different possibilities of dealing with the problem, but it would be good for you to know WHY you are jealous. So:
    a)Rationalize your thinking. Are your suspicions the logical result of considering the facts in your relationship or are they neurotic and pop up from nowhere, whithout your partner giving you any reason to be jealous?
    b)If your jealousy is NOT justified by the facts, then get some counselling. Maybe even together with your partner.
    c) If your jealousy stems from a traumatic experience you have had with a former partner, remind yourself that your current relationship has nothing to do with what happened. Your actual partner is not to blame for the infidelities commited by someone else in the past.
    d) If you have a low self-esteem, get involved in activities that provide you with positive experiences, that give you the feeling of being valuable and useful, that make you feel fulfilled. Do NOT define your self-esteem solely through having or not having a partner. Having an intimate, unconditional companion is what we all long for, but you must build up a self-sufficient and satisfying identity that exists independently from your sentimental life. If you manage to do that, you will find yourself to be much more centered and in peace with the world (and the people in it).

    I could go on for ages. Just think it all over and see which way is the best in your case.

    Cheers, and my best wishes,
    Papitou
    firecat

    Thankyou very much.


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