2 Answers

ole hipster

Karma: 76855

Hey...lay it on us!...can't hurt!

12 years ago. Rating: 1
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mungo

ole hipster: Not real sure of this system yet so answering to say that I answered you as well on a reply to 'benthere'. Hope that you can pick it up. Thank you for replying.

commented 12 years ago

mungo

A verse from a friend's writing, that i think illustrates my points on rhyming meter and artistic licence.
The naked flame reached hungry forth
Embracing gas with lover's force
An awsome flash, a mighty roar
And Spanish Lady Wern't no more!

many words could have replace the words 'hungry' 'lovers' 'mighty' each with a different shade of meaning to apply to the "forced by rhyme" words, 'forth' 'force' and 'roar' e.g. crashing, rolling, etc.
I feel that he managed to reinforce the nautical, and Englisy nature of things, with the final line?
Especially by the ommision of the 'the' word before 'Spanish' and the ending 'wern't no more.'
He could have written wasn't more, sailed no more, and a lot of other things but the roll of the dialect is I think, repoduced well in the double negative of "wern't no"?... Thanks ol hipster.

commented 12 years ago

mungo

Karma: 476

I dont consider myself to be either a good or bad poet, I suppose that I like the mind stretching that it takes to make concepts visable in this medium.
For a start I believe in meter and rhyme as a discipline which, for me at least, forces the piece into areas where my mind would perhaps not have ventured,which in turn, seems to throw a
sometimes suprising illumination on the concept that I am trying to convey.
Here is a portion of a twenty verse poem, -Four lines- about an event that occured during the the 'growing pains' of one of my daughters.

But alas 'twas her pushbike that brought her to grief.
She was riding 'no hands' and 'no feet.
And she left a great hole, in a telegraph pole,
That stood at the end of our street.

No deep and burning message intended here. Nor any attempt to be particularly clever.
To put this event in ordinary prose I think I would have written something like.
Niki had an accident with her 'bike, silly girl was riding 'no hands' and ran into a telegraph pole. Luckily she .....
I really think that the rhyme is more fun, covers the event, and allowed room for the reader to creat a personal picture/interpretation and thus become involved.. as with .."left a great hole, in a telegraph pole." Poetic licence used in this line is expected to be understood, The rest is fairly accurate. Thanks benthere and ole hipster.