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    how do you get someone out of your house who won't leave ?

    An elderly widower down the street from me brings me water melon and such and when I hint to him at 12 :30 am that it's time for his to leave, he argues about it. He says things like " Why can't I just sit here and and sleep all night ? " and he says , " Why are you breathing hard ? " I start by standing up and saying " Last call " . He doesn't get it. He doesn't stand up. I finally say, " This bar is closed "  He says, " You said it was last call " 


    You can't say to a guest, ' ' It's time for you to pack up and leave " .......That's what you say  to a child . But, some people ( mostly men ) don't get it that after a while, you're supposed to leave .


    Then, when I finally get him to stand up, he forestalls it by fingering the safety pins on my shoulder and says, " What's this " ?  I wasn't planning on having anyone over here tonight at 10:45 pm !!! 


    When I say, I have to go to bed"  he says "  


      " You aren't going to go to bed till 3 anyway "  and all that B.S.When I said, " I have to clean up the kitchen, he doesn't move an says,  " Well, go do your work "


    I said, " Do you want me to call the police ? "  He said,  " You can if you want to , but I have to put my shoes on. "


    Ok, I'll admit I went to the fitness center with him a few time, but now he thinks I'm his g. friend. He's getting to be a problem when he comes over.

    +4  Views: 3482 Answers: 15 Posted: 5 years ago
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Good that you now have a 'honey' and a 'significant other' to take care of this intruder for you. I bet he doesn't come around anymore now, right?

    15 Answers

    Tell him bluntly to F&$k off, he'll get the message.

    Ducky

    Moderator
    Really?
    mycatsmom

    Fishie is right about how he spins words around.
    sunnyB

    Spot on Roy.
    Grit Savage

    Exactly. I had a "guest" who came with four children to stay for a week. Two months later I snapped, I stood in front of the "friend" and said F--- off, F--- off right now and don't look back. after half an hour of being called everything under the sun, off they F----d. I then had a large Dram, and basked in my privacy with my wife ;-)

    Have that person start cleaning the house. Vacuum, clean toilets, take out trash, then lock out .

    mycatsmom

    I like that idea ! Some people should do that to their teenagers !

    Tell him you have just found out that you have an incurable highly contagious condition....

    You're in a pickle, I must say. What ever you do, don't lie to him or make up stories, that will only come back to bite you. Tell you what, ask him the same question. "How do I stop you from visiting me uninvited?" Don't dare say, "I like you but". The man is lonely and you are being too nice. Stop it! Be angry, no excuses, take him by the farm and lead him to the door. And this is beyond worrying about feelings. He hasn't considered yours......

    mycatsmom

    Hi Julie. Thx for your input. This is what girl friends are for, right ? and that includes the other women on here. . He's usually considerate during the daytime, b/c I guess his true colors came out last night. I wanted to take him by the hand to get him off the reclining love seat, but he's big and his knees are bad, so I couldn't : -\ Thanks for telling me what to say b/c I might have said, " I like you but......." . I'm always too nice to people and this has gotten me walked on many times.
    Yes, I think it's hard on him that his wife died, b/c they were married 61 years !!! He doesn't do much . He said he's been feeling better and getting around better b/c of me being with him when we go to the whirlpool at the fitness center. He took me to Red Lobster. If he wasn't so old, he'd be great ! He used to be good looking when he was in his 60s, back in the 90s.

    Tell him straight , tell him he has to respect your wishes or not come round.  It's  your choice, its  your house  , so tell him how you feel. If you want him as just a friend that should be fine, but he needs to be told. Either he has got the wrong impression or he's not a very nice person, either way he's in the wrong.  

    mycatsmom

    Glad to hear that I wasn't just being " a b- - - - - h " But, like you said, It's MY house. Do I have to wait until the next time he brings me something, or takes me to a restaurant, or should I tell him soon, that if he comes in again, he has to abide by my wishes ? I find that people like that always put me in an awkward embarrassing position when I have to tell them something they can't do...........like with a child.
    sunnyB

    Tell him before he has the chance to ask you out or buy you something. Let him see your are in charge of your own life.

    If I understood correctly, this guy shows up at 10:45 p.m. with a watermelon and you let him in your house.


    Buy your own watermelon. Do not let him inside, telling him it's too late for a visit. 


    Tell him he needs to call before coming by again, and that his behavior was offensive, inconsiderate, aggressive, and abusive. Who needs a friend like that.


    Don't feel your ego is being fed. He's not showing up at any hour that suggests he's truly interested. 


    You are somewhat naive in friendships, it seems. Better than being cynical (me), but still a problem.


     

    mycatsmom

    PKB, I guess I'm too nice. You're right. I should take the bull by the horns, as my dad used to say .
    Bob/PKB

    We don't always get along, but I don't like you put in a spot like that. You deserve so much better and more

    Sounds like he has fallen for you mcm, if the feelings ain't mutual you will just have to be upfront and tell him straight.When he comes knockin don't have him come into the house, keep him at arms length you are not being rude, he is, by over staying his welcome.

    mycatsmom

    ok, Pythie. . He has said everything except those 3 little words. He's good for my ego. He compliments me. He wasn't bad till last night.In fact, he was creeping me out and I was getting a little scared !!
    I don't want to be involved with him , so I 'll have to let him know, like you said. . I might have just been a little stand off- ish if you had not told me to be upfront with him .

    Go to the police and explain the situation and when he is all about not leaving. Don't announce your intentions to him, just call in your friends to pack him off at their discretion. I know that it's using cops as if they are bouncers in a bar, which is the behavior he is demonstrating as if he's in a bar past closing. 

    mycatsmom

    If he does that again, that's what I'm gonna do.

    MCM have I missed something or is this the man you are dating now?

    Tell him you have fallen in love with someone else.Another lady,perhaps.If he thinks you're a lesbian mayebe he will get the message.We al know what he is after. Don't we? so be carefull of this fool Julie.

    Marry him, then you won't see him for dust.

    mycatsmom

    NO Thanks. And this is a serious problem

    I see it's been about a month since you posted this problem. Has your unwanted widower finally seen the light of day from the other side of your door?

    witchway

    Just hoping that things have been resolved by now and you are in a much happier place MCM.
    mycatsmom

    Things have turned around . Thanks for your support. He's actually a good friend and neighbor now.

    I cook with cast iron. If you do it might not hurt to have the ol # 9 skillet in the living room, or parlor. He'll get the message.

    I love questions like this, I think it falls into my pet peeve category of people that don't understand boundaries. First of all, if you got him to leave, for me the problem would be over. I would never answer the door for him again. I hope you have a pet that could let you know if anybody is walking around the outside of your house. When you have to leave your house, wave hello when you see him, and that's it. no reinforcing bad behavior. it only will get worst.

    mycatsmom

    good point about reinforcing bad behavior, Tabbie .
    tabber

    give us an update when he comes back. have a lovely day!

    ....come up with chores around the house or yard or washing the car


    ....you will see him less-and-less



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