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    Do you have relatives which you have strained relationships with, and how do you handle them?

    I have an older brother, 11 mo. older, who has been jealous of me my entire life.  Our relationship was really strained when he met my intended wife, some 43 yrs. ago.  Upon meeting her, he turned and said to me, how much for some time with her!  Needless to say, we have not been close for the last 43 yrs.   As we age, and get wiser, I would like to rekindle some sort of brotherly relationship.  What would you do? 

    +7  Views: 1521 Answers: 7 Posted: 10 years ago

    7 Answers

    What a stupid remark, probably meant to be some sort of back-handed compliment. My first thought is to just let the past be the past and give him a call, invite him for some social event (wine-tasting, dinner party, something where you have other people as buffers).  If it's a good visit together, move forward. It will be hard to let your guard down, but why should you. Don't LOOK for a problem; it will surface all by itself.
    My dad's brother was hateful towards my dad for 50 years. There was a reconciliation a few years before Dad died, and my dad was so happy for the little time they spent together. HOWEVER, at my dad's funeral, Uncle started up complaining about my dad and the imagined slights he believed about my dad.  Their cousin, bless his heart, got right in my Uncle's face and told him to shut up or get out.   Uncle live another 12 years (like my mom), and suffered from dementia; to his dying day, though, he still said nasty stuff about my dad.  Pathetic. 
    I haven't talked to my sister or nephew for the better part of four months due to their absolute hatefulness over the resolution of my parents' estate.  The damage is done; I don't see any of us being "family" again. When we were getting along, my sister never missed an opportunity to tell me how much Mom liked me more and how abused she was.  I don't miss that B.S. at all. My mom didn't like either one of us. 

    I have to agree with Phyllis.I think your bro was just taking the p*ss & it came back to bite him on the a**.


    I have a sister who I haven't spoken to in over 20 years.Her husband (now deceased) was a reckless drunk who caused too many arguments.He even beat her up a few times & she wouldn't leave him.Her solution was to stop talking to ME! So...What're ya gunna do?

    That sounded like a nasty comment for your brother to make, sounds like he may have intended it as a joke, but if he'd always been jealous not a very funny one. I have two brothers and two sisters, there is always one or the other falling out. I just speak my mind  and try not to get involved too much in their disagreements. I think it's because I'm the youngest that I get away with it.

    I have a strained relationship with my sister who is the trustee of my “special needs account”. We don’t quite meet eye to eye to say the least………..

    mycatsmom

    Have you thought of someone else taking over the trusteeship ?
    jhharlan

    There was a line going from her to her husband to my brother and now she’s turning it over to a co. that specializes in trust estates…….. She won’t tell me who, I t hunk I have a right to know but she keeping it all up under her hat ’til the last minute…….

    43 years is a long time to hold a grudge. Make amends if it would make you feel better. If your brother is showing no signs of contentment with his life, maybe you should let sleeping dogs lie.

    bustieone

    I am going to give him a call, coached by a younger brother, he suggests that he will be delighted for me to contact him.
    Bob/PKB

    bustie, that's good to hear. Let us know how the reunion progresses. Wishing you a good one.

    i have had strains with three of my five brothers at various points in life. but i know life is long as well as short. thus, i forgive our disagreements, but maybe not forget. i move up and on.  one brother, we disagree on almost everything. but he's my brother. i love seeing him happy. i don't talk to him unless i'm feeling generous with my time, but we are civil when we see each other. we debate every now and then when i see him.  we don't see eye to eye on anything. he's seems illogical and kind of crazy to me.  but it's all good. he's happy. i'm happy. we don't live under the same roof.  to each his own.

    sunnyB

    That's a good attitude tabbed, we can't change people, so best to just get along,and agree to disagree sometimes.
    Bob/PKB

    Good attitude, tabber, and all the better for your sanity!

    I do not have strained relationships with my family,,i was 6 years old when i last seen my father,my mother died about 20 years ago,,have not seen my brother for about 23 years,and he was not looking good,my oldest sister,have not seen for about 40 years,my 2nd youngest sister,havent seen for about 23 years,although i had heard she was doing well,,my youngest sister,about 23 years and on drugs,I grew up in a very disruptive family,everyone of us has done time in jail,except our mother..31 years ago i became a christian, that upset my family as they said,"i had become a goody two shoes" so no,i do not have strained relationships with them,i simply do not have a relationship at all,,and yes,,i do believe i have missed out on a normal family life,,whatever the h*ll that is ...............always nice talking guys and gals..,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

    Bob/PKB

    You made a good choice, Terry. Your "self" has to take priority.


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