Well, they are back together again. My eldest son and the mother of his children (who uses meth and is an alcoholic) have reunited after the last fiasco (which was huge). A couple of weeks ago, I told him I can't take it anymore and have severed all but business-oriented communication.
    He spent Thanksgiving AND Christmas by himself (she took the kids and away she went, I learned later), which was unnecessary, but his choice. His brothers don't want to be around him if the "girlfriend" is there, and even my ex-husband is at his (dim)wit's end. 
    I will see the children through my sister, who is happy to share fun days with them and will actually GO to their house to get them.  Everyone who loves him (which doesn't include her or her family/friends) is absolutely sick over his choice. 


    Thank you for your input.

    +9  Views: 795 Answers: 10 Posted: 9 years ago

    Oh no dear Bob..I had no idea that all this had kicked off so badly heart goes out to you and all the family..I certainly don`t have the answers..wish I did!...All I can do is send you wishes of courage and very much love and prayers! XXXmillie

    Hi Millie, and here we are one month later and he's moved her out again. THAT is good, but there's still a lot of work to be done. Just gotta remember to keep him in prayer. Thanks for your friendship!

    10 Answers

    I have all kinds of things to say but none of them are things to say to a friend. Continue on the path you’re on and I’ll pray for you as always………..


    I understand why you would not like my path and have complete respect for you, as you know.

    He obviously loves this woman (the mother of his children).There is not much you can do to sway him from her.I know it's hard to watch our "grown up children"make poor choices.What I would be doing is focusing on the grand children, toxic relationships like this do have an impact on the kids and they end up with all different psychological problems.If you feel the kids maybe subjected or exposed to things that is not in their best interests, you may have to have social services intervene. 


    Unfortunately, you are 100% right. I've got to keep an eye on things while keeping out of sight. My son seems to be addicted to destruction

    I think You're doing all you can Phyl. Don't give up.Just stay out of it & bide your time.The more you discourage him the more intent he will be to continue with his current course of action.Good luck with it tho.Thinking of you.Tom


    You really know my son, don't you :D He has actually commented on more than one occasion that if you tell him to take Road "A", he will deliberately take Road "B". NEVER have I known anyone more determined to learn absolutely everything the hardest way possible.

    It's not Just your son Phyl.It's an observation I have made on plenty of young people.You just have to let him make his own mistakes.Do you know that until I was about 25 my old man was the most ignorant,uneducated & foolish man in the world.It's funny how HE got smarter as I got older.He died when I was 26.Just when I was starting to see things his way.

    It's sad you lost your dad just as you could have been the best of friends for life. My kids will probably always think I'm a dummy, although my youngest says I'm the smartest woman he knows. (Plus I can beat him at backgammon and ping pong)
    My parents seemed really stupid when I became a teenager. They "redeemed themselves" as I grew up. Now they are gone and I see my dad was absolutely brilliant; my mom had some issues, but I miss her anyway.
    Just gotta hope and pray he and the children don't get hurt.

    All you can do is hope for the best Phyl.Pray if that's what comforts you.

    As Albert einstein said.Insanity is doing the same thing over & over again expecting different results.

    That is what I do (and it's hard; I should be more compassionate), but I wrote EXACTLY what Einstein said about insanity to my son when I said I can't do this anymore. I was actually feeling sick. No one gets to affect me like that.

    Tommy, I thought Oprah said that ?

    Einstein, not Oprah.

    The only thing you can do is see the children when possible and see that they learn of different life styles  Let the kids know you will always be there for them!


    Thank you, clu. That's my take on it for now, too. Sure hope the day will come (sooner than later) where my son gains some self-respect and takes control of his life. :(

    One of my daughter's is a almost total loss! She quit drinking and recieved a loan for culinary school and life was looking better for her! Now I think she absconded with the school money and Christmas eve she stopped at a family party drunk as a skunk! You are not alone with your troubles!

    Bob, you poor dear, you sure do have your plate full!  I would say continue the current path, as long as you can see the kids as you describe.  Maybe they will come around, or get the help that they need.  Short of getting them into court and having a battle to prove them unfit.  As you have said, her parents would be the problem then.  Those poor kiddies need their rational gramma, but you sure do not need the drama and baggage that this puts on you.  Prayers coming your way, regards...


    Much appreciate your reply, bustieone. There will be a blowup sooner or later, and I will, mark my words, contact Child Protective Services if those children are left with their mother. (at least my son is clean, sober, and attentive to the children's safety). However, my disgust with my son is considerable in that he brings an addict/alcoholic into the home where his children live. Knowingly doing something like that, I have to question how good a father he is. (If he continues with her, he'll end up dead or in prison; she's that horrid)

    I wish you my best...I CAN relate...Be Strong....

    HI Bob,everybody has their own advice,based upon their own life experiences,which makes them all correct...first of all there is not a lot you can do,,except be there when he hits the bottom of the pit he is falling into,when he does he will look to someone for help,that's when you will have to have the right answers for him,,i know most people get a few chances to turn around,what nobody knows is how many chances a person gets,,all the best Bob,and i hope things work in your's and his favor ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


    It's hard to imagine lower than the two have them have experienced in their years together. Just the thought of the next low is a nightmare.

    Sometimes, we have to simply "let go" of certain people in our lives. If a person causes so much stress to someone that they should respect, it is time to step away and love from a distance. They may return or they may not. In the meantime, they stay in your heart and they live with their own choices!


    Very hard to do that..but I do agree! X

    You have to carry on as you have been, keeping a close eye on everything and being ready to step in when he needs you, which by the sounds he and his children will. Stay strong and remember all of your friends on aka are thinking of you.


    Mom won't be doing anything except to help the kids be safe

    Meth is a sick, icky drug that ruins your teeth, hagers the skin into rapid aging and destroys friendships cruelly. It is addictive in that it hurts more to quit than it is dimminish-ingly pleasant. There is no less painful way to get out of the jaws of meth. Extreme anger and agitation is typical for those suffering in its charms and everyone is annoying by just breathing. Sick, addicted broke and friendless with no way out. Narcotics Anonymous helps.    

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