close
    What do you think about people to whom you've given a nice gift to, and you don't even ...

    get a thank you note? I gave my friend a big check for his wedding 16 months ago. He took the time, however, to go to the bank and deposit it right away, but I never received anything. He ordered invitations from a printer, and all such packages that I've seen, include thank you cards. Even if he had to buy them separately, it's still no excuse. Same thing happened to our mutual friend. When I told him about it, he changed the subject.

    +15  Views: 1811 Answers: 21 Posted: 9 years ago
    mikeyboy123

    The best way to resolve that problem is simple only give gifts to be nice and eliminate having any need for anything in return. Besides I assume you give gifts to people you care about and in this day and age, people assume u know they appreciate and are thankful and that with all there is to do and never enough time, wouldn't you want people to not pay a company to take money for someone you care about to just restate the obvious and if you can't except that you are unfortunately living in a past that we can't get or bring back, then your just going to give yourself more stress than you need or want(I hope). If you think of a way to get people to stick to so many traditional ways that I would so love to see more off, let me know.
    But with you question/statement, all you can do is make something your opposing party doesn't see the need for or share the huge significance you hold to it into something that could wreck a friendship over something its sadly best to let go and not make a mountain out of. Good luck with what ever path you choose since you are the one who has to live with the choices you make.
    Dardaigh

    People should not assume you know they appreciate and are thankful.
    Saying a person is too busy and that manners are a thing of the past is a total cop out and just indicates laziness and total self-absorption on the part of the recipient.
    If the gift giver took the time to find and give a gift or even just gave money, then it is quite within reason to expect a thank you and they have every right to feel slighted and/or used.

    21 Answers

    There is no excuse for rudeness. Thank you notes take only minutes. Unfortuneatly, you can't fix stupid but you don't have to continue giving to people who are rude either.

    lambshank

    Yep, and Amen to that
    millie111

    Yep I so agree! We were bought up as was everyone I know to write "Thank you notes"... Ok that was zillions years ago;)...But Despite Emails n texts these days... I expect my kids to do the same! IMO you have every right to feel put out that someone hasn't the manners to acknowledge your gift! ...It's not about expecting praise for a gift given...It's common curtesy !:/

    I think it is rude however, I have discovered that there are people on this planet who have not been taught manners or how to say, "Thank you".  Strange and true. 


    I now let it go.  They can walk around all day long being rude.  I have the choice to hang out with them or not hang out with them.


    I once had a friend that would price check the gifts I gave his children to see how much money I spent and would report back to me about it.  Very rude.  He and his wife are not my friends any more.  I hope they are doing well, I just don't want to know them.

    Dollybird

    Good for ypu, who needs users.
    millie111

    Lol,it they've time enough to check the price... They've surely got time to write a Thank you!!;)

    It is extremely rude and disrespectful for


    someone not to acknowledge a gift, no


    matter how big or little. The person has 


    no manners and is not much of a friend.

    I think it is something that alot of the younger generations just haven't been taught. They just do not know anything of manners. I can think of several young college educated people, who don't even know how to properly hold a spoon or fork! They hold their silverware like a small shovel, and being present while they are eating, is like watching someone scraping cow dung off the barn floor. It is pathetic!


    Their parents definetly dropped the ball when it came to getting these kids ready to go out into the world.

    Ducky

    Moderator
    I've seen that eating style. I notice too, if you are standing in a store, looking at items on the shelf, most young people will step right in front of what you are looking at, and not even say "excuse me".
    Dardaigh

    How about if you hold the door for someone...they sail right through, without a by-your-leave, as if you're the flippin' doorman!

    I have to say, I prefer the Continental style of dining...fork in left hand and knife in the right, without putting down the knife and transferring the fork to the right hand.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    We could all write a book. Oh maybe someone already has....um....Emily Post? lol
    Shootah

    Imagine how the generations after them will be. I can't say that I see that picture as be all that nice. A little manners and consideration make the world a much pleasanter place.
    Dardaigh

    Funny though...I think Plato said the younger generation was going to the dogs...I'm paraphrasing of course. ;)
    Ducky

    Moderator
    I'm sure every generation says the same thing. Kids nowadays! lol
    Shootah

    Emily Post Ducky? Wow...that's an old one! There are alot of people who wouldn't know who that was.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    @Shootah...but I see that YOU do! LOL!!!
    Dardaigh

    They should still run columns like that.
    Shootah

    Oh yeah...she did alot for manners!
    mycatsmom

    Shooty, that's what I said in my post.

    I have a few people to whom I regularly give (in my view) "substantial" gifts of money.  The checks are cashed immediately and I am thanked, never.  One by one, they are being stroked off my list.  Manners seem to be going by the wayside.

    Dardaigh

    Parents are partly to blame.
    This is something that should definitely be taught at home, by parents.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Yep and in this case, there wasn't much of that, for sure.
    Dollybird

    Dardaigh, I once worked with a female, who always let the door close in my face. One day I decided I had enough, and waited for my turn, and it came. I opened door really wide and went through, and ooops, lol. She let me know that she was not happy about what I did. I was very polite when I replyed, now you know what its like when you did it to me. We became friends a short time later.Some times lessons have to be learned.
    Dardaigh

    Luckily that hasn't happened to me, Dolly but you handled it rather well.

    There's one person here at work, never says hello or replies if you say it to her....love to let a door go in her face! LOL ;)
    millie111

    Yep they make a trip to the bank pronto!.. Surely they must pass a post/mail box or two on the way??!;)
    hector5559

    I could do with a few bob Ducky,and ill love you forever,and ever,
    Clonge

    As long as they don't stick you with the "bill"!
    Ducky

    Moderator
    I should stick them with MY "bill", right?

    I think it's polite to always say thank you. When I was a child I was always encouraged to write a thank you note to anyone who bought me a present, and we always encouraged our children to do the same. I think it's nice to receive a little thank you.

    bustieone

    thats what good parents do, they do not worry about all of the material junk, but invest in values for their kids. Too bad many do not do this still, it does make a better world, having people with respect and values.

    Some people think it's a bit outdated saying thank you,or sending a thank you note for a gift, personally I always say thanks one way or the other and get the odd looks and comments that go along with todays "take take take" generation, not all of them I may add, but it's quite common nowadays.

    sunnyB

    Yes I agree Romos

    Yep,that sucks.My nephew recently got married & we sent him & his bride 500 bucks.Guess what we got....ZIP!


    Once bitten,twice shy is what I say. I won't get caught again by him.

    Ducky

    Moderator
    Plain rude. :(
    mycatsmom

    They'll burn through that money fast too.
    millie111

    Lamb that's so wrong of her to make you miss out on your Grand kids!:(.. She sounds delightful! ...Not!.. I'm sorry to hear that you arenT well too..I hope your treatment is going well and send you loads of lovexxxmills

    My son seemed to lose his manners when he married, his wife is the rudest person I have ever met, despite repeated attempts at making her very welcome, they had little money and I purchased several big kitchen items for them,  they have 2 children (whom spend every holiday with her family)  I have spent a small fortune on things the children needed and on luxury things I know my son and daughter in law were unable to afford, the years have gone by, I am tired of the lack of manners, have never even received acknowledgement that the stuff even arrived (including money) let alone a thank you, so the pressies are scarce this year, my daughter had the same upbringing, as did the four foster children, all of whom have impeccable manners and compassion, I truly don't understand, they are the ones that miss out now,  a thank you costs nothing

    Ducky

    Moderator
    Amazing that people can receive a gift of any kind, and yet simply never bother to say thank you. Rude.
    lambshank

    don, I forgive my daughter in law nothing,she has deprived me the pleasure of enjoying my grandchildren, I still stay in touch but it hurts when things are taken for granted, I need help now (I have cancer) and thank goodness my daughter is prepared to spend some time with me during treatment, what I don't understand is why my son appears to think it's O.K just to go along and accept my help without a thank you, perhaps my daughter in law had a different upbringing without manners, still no excuse for my son.

    Advice for people who buy gifes or give money as a gift, A FOOL AND THEIR MONEY is easy parted. I have learned that.

    I don't always expect a thank you note...I will take a verbal thank you too...but yes, it's rude to accept a gift without saying thank you.  ANd I can't rationalize saying thanks for a gift that the receiver thinks is big vs. no thanks for a gift the receiver thinks is small- a gift is a gift.

    Ducky

    Moderator
    I appreciate a "thank you" in any form. It's what polite human beings do.
    lambshank

    your right Duckey, I help anyone, and don't expect anything in return, but a thanks is nice

    the best thing is to give nothing then we will never get disapointed as we always expect a thank you but the new generation just dont do this so I done buy anything unless I want to get hurt .....

    Ducky

    Moderator
    Sad to have to develop that attitude, isn't it? A simple "thank you" should be the norm but doesn't seem to be anymore.
    melandrupert

    hi Ducky I know what you mean people just cant say thank you any more as bob dyaln said the time are a chainging (i think he sung that) xxx
    sunnyB

    Yes I agree Mel, it's a terrible shame that you have to stop buying for people to avoid the hurt, but politeness is so uncommon amongst the younger generations these days.I think I am lucky that my nephews and nieces are still polite enough to say thanks or send a note, I value that.
    melandrupert

    Sunny B you are so lucky to have family like that when I was a child I had my own thank you notes and so my brother things have changed so much now xxx:-)

    I went to an engagement many moons ago, the gift was an expensive modern clock, i didn't receive a thank you card, as they broke up a week later, never saw the clock again neither.

    The "thank you notes" I've received recently barely qualify. One was a photo of the bride and groom with a generic imprinted note saying thank you, but there was no personal note expressly thanking me for the specific gift I'd given them. Made me wonder if they even KNEW what my gift WAS.   I don't like the "new manners"...or lack of....

    lambshank

    Bob/PKB, your probably lucky to even be acknowledged these days, seems manners have gone out the window.....sad
    millie111

    Lol Bob! That's shocking ! Maybe you should send them a photo of you...with the printed words.."No more gifts ";)!! Xx
    Bob/PKB

    It seems to me that is the new way of doing things. They aren't the only ones to grace me with a photo instead of a note. I remember handwriting every thank you for wedding gifts and always had my sons write thank you notes for birthday and other gifts. What they do now is on them, but they were taught how and why to say thank you.

    Good manners, yes like those taught by figures like Emily Post, never go out of date!  Respect and moral values are taught, they do not just happen.  This is what parents are suppose to do, it is on the parent handbook checklist (pg. 1) .  Our society would be a better place if all families did this as part of the investment in our future.  It makes no difference the social-economic status, it should be done.  A castle or ghetto, both should have parents who do this for their children!  It is the basis upon which a good character is built!  We cannot leave this stuff up to teachers, exactly what many think should be done!  Many teachers, do put letter writing, and thank you notes in their curriculum, and it is a good thing, as many families are not doing it anymore.  Copies of Emily Post should be dusted off and distributed to young families!  Perhaps social media could be channeled to do good like this, rather than the garbage that is shared! 

    sunnyB

    Thats true bustieone , manners and politeness begin at home.

    I believe there are at least 13 solutions to every problem.  I tend to be a given.  I also have a big family and send them gifts sometimes for their birthdays.  Some call and say thank you.  Some may not but I know they appreciate the gift or at the very least I know they needed the gift.  At Christmas I tend to give gifts to different people each year.  I don't like feeling obligated and I don't like to see others feel obligated.  I give gift at Christmas to people I think did something I really appreciated during the year.  I give for thanks because of what I have received rather than wanting the receiver of the gift to call and praise.  Of course it's great if you do get a thank you and praise for giving but its really not necessary.  Being able to share and give to others is already a gift to the giver and a thank you to the given for being blessed enough to be able to give instead of needing to have someone give to you.

    Ducky

    Moderator
    Praise? I guess I'm not as understanding as you seem to be. When someone gives ME something, I say thank you and I find it quite effortless to do so. I am not "praising them" nor do I expect "praise". I DO expect and give common courtesy.

    fewer and fewer of the younger people have any social skills. I sent my g. friend's grand daughter a monitary gift for her wedding.......no thank you. No spit in the eye......nothing. Then, she left him before a year was up anyway.

    Check out a few facebook pages from the younger generation! They trully have no clue as to how to thank people!  Text messages and all that junk have impersonalalized everything!

    The Lord loves a cheerful giver; and so I am.  But when it comes to ingrates....there's where my own imperfection glows!!!  A person without the ability to write, can speak 2 words 'thank you'.  One who cannot speak, or write, can gesture.  One who cannot do any of the above are the only ones i can excuse from giving this common, simple, courtesy.  peace

    He could be the loser by not apprecating a good friend,

    I am not really very sensitive about such matters and consider the thankyou in their acceptance of the gift....leaps of joy and utterances of jubilation are always nice...but I draw the line at grovelling or slobbering...'specially on my feet!! A simple thanks.....8D

    hector5559

    I DONT MIND A QUICK GROVEL,
    lindilou

    Yes methinks a quick grovel in the hay...wait a minute!!!...oops...me mind went south for a slitherin' moment...all apologies my good fellow...(hee)


    Top contributors in Uncategorized category

     
    ROMOS
    Answers: 18064 / Questions: 154
    Karma: 1101K
     
    Colleen
    Answers: 47271 / Questions: 115
    Karma: 953K
     
    country bumpkin
    Answers: 11323 / Questions: 160
    Karma: 838K
     
    Benthere
    Answers: 2393 / Questions: 30
    Karma: 760K
    > Top contributors chart

    Unanswered Questions

    448276
    questions
    717930
    answers
    710975
    users