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    JUST TOLD MY PARENTS I'M GAY

    Both are devastated. What should I do. H E L P

    +5  Views: 1497 Answers: 19 Posted: 10 years ago
    Dardaigh

    Believe in yourself and believe that others care for you as you are. Tomorrow things will be a little calmer. My son is gay and I love him dearly.
    dowsa

    ITS A SHOCK TO YOUR PARENTS BUT YOU WERE HONEST .JUST GIVE THEM TIME.ALL THE BEST.

    19 Answers

    If my son told me he was gay, I would be shocked and speechless.  I would need some time to digest the information and then I would tell him I love him and want him to be healthy and happy.  
    My answer to what YOU should do is this:  Tell your parents you know it must be a big shock to hear your news and you know they need some time to digest the information (I know I am repeating myself).  Tell them you will let them have that time and make plans to get together with them to answer questions HONESTLY.  


    I didn't check to see how old you are.  I am hoping you are an adult and the sexual activity for you is legal.  If you are underage, I don't care if you are gay or straight, you shouldn't be having sex.


    P.S.  Don't apologize. You have nothing for which to apologize.  

    GAYWAY

    I'm 15
    Bob/PKB

    OK, too young to be sexually intimate anywhere in the USA.
    I would question my son at this age, not believing he was gay, just mixed up.
    I think my answer stays; let them get over the shock; continue with your school and activities. If you are allowed to date and have mutual attraction with someone, then I wouldn't forbid you from dating. I would hope you would be respectful of yourself and know that any sex has potential devastating consequences.
    I'd want to meet your boyfriend, just as I would want to meet your girlfriend.
    If things are just too awkward, ask your parents if the three of you can see a family counselor.
    I am sorry to hear they are fighting...it is a reaction to a situation they can't control; you can, if you feel comfortable, try to tell them they don't need to fight with each other over this; it has nothing to do with either of them. Tell them it was hard enough to talk to them and the fighting isn't going to help any of you.
    GAYWAY

    Its getting worse here. My dad just left the house. God, I hope he doesn't come home drunk and fight with my mom later. This is all my fault.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    No, it is their fault for being close minded and ignorant and uneducated. This is a lesson you do not need to learn from them. Teach them that you are still the same girl you were yesterday.
    Bob/PKB

    May be a good time for you and mom to go for a walk or go get a soda or something. It sounds like she will be needing YOUR strength when Dad gets home.
    Steer clear of Dad, both of you. Let him deal with himself.
    I'm sure many of us would like to be with you right now to help in whatever way we could.

    You were very brave to tell them. They are probably perplexed but


    don't let it bother you. This is their problem to work through. Any 


    parent who truly loves their child will accept that child for their


    real essence and being. 

    Just give  them time to accept it and things should work out alright,best of luck,

    Give them time. When they realize you can not change, they will find a way of coming to terms with it. If they never come to terms with it, then they are not parents who know how to love unconditionally. That will be their problem, not yours. Your happiness is more important than theirs in the grand scheme of things. You will live your life and you will need to live it as happily as you can. As your parents, they do not have the right to impede on that happiness. If you are under 18, you will still have to live as they want you to. Put off getting into a relationship until you are 18 and on your own. If you are on your own now, stick to your guns and educate them about homosexuality and that it's not a disease or a mental issue or something you chose just for the heck of it. See if there are any support groups in your area that you can get your parents involved in to help them understand all this. It's really up to them. There's little you can do expect be true to yourself and help them with the understanding as best as you can. 

    GAYWAY

    I'm alone in my room right now while my parents fight downstairs. Its really bad.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Let them fight it out. You had to expect this would happen. Like I said, because of your age, live as they want you to. Take charge of your life when you turn 18 and are no longer dependent on them. They will hope that this is a phase you will grow out of. Until then, educate yourself on the sexuality so you can educate them.
    GAYWAY

    This was all a big mistake. I'm female and alone. Maybe it will all go away if I just checked out. I've brought so much pain into my family by doing this. All I do is cry. Maybe I'm not gay. I just don't know anymore.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    It will not go away. It's also not worth killing yourself over. You are trying to punish them by even thinking that. You signed a contract before you were born that you would accept the life God gave you for the lessons you could learn from it. God does not reward quitters. This is also your parents lesson. Let them learn it. They have to prove to their creator that they are capable of unconditional love. Give them time to prove it. I am a lesbian myself. I do understand what you are going through. Hang in there. You life will get better. Be patient. Your parents are fighting because they are looking for blame. They will stop fighting when they realize no one is to blame.

    At 15, you are well into puberty and your chemicals are still sorting themselves out. You may be correct, you may find in a year that you no longer feel as you do today. I was 13 when I figured it out. I never changed. I am 50 years old now. BUT this does not mean you will be the same. Again, time is your answer here. Give it time.

    Your family has brought their own pain by choosing to not understand to to allow this non understanding to get in the way of love. You can not control their ignorance. Their pain is not your fault. You can only try to educate to help them rid themselves of the pain THEY are creating.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    I feel I should educate you a little. You would use the term lesbian, not gay. Gay is for the males. Your sexuality is homosexual which is used for both male and female.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Support groups for teens in your area http://gayteenmeeting.tripod.com/state.html#NC

    millie111

    Great answer!!...I don`t know how you do best answer?!:-?
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Only the person who asked the question can select best answer.
    melandrupert

    Colleen well said xxx

    More power to you and best of luck. Took a lot of courage. You've got more coming, good luck......

    well done and you desearve a pat o n the back.... your parents should be proud of you coming out and been really honest with them rather than hiding behind closed doors its nothing to be a shamed of be proud of what your body is telling you and always stick up and do not be pressured by your parents just let it go and let them sort it out if you can sit them down and say that you hadnt choosen to be a lesbian its in my make up and if you were born with a disability  would they abandon you ....no I dont think so listen to what Colleen has said she has been around a lot longer than you or get yourself to a support group good luck sweetheart  

    millie111

    Hey honey...sweet and kind answer..I just can`t go without pointing out that it`s NOT a disease being a Lesbian/Gay...(I really don`t think you meant it in this way)!:-¬
    melandrupert

    millie 111 I know its not a disease I was trying to piont that if she was born with a disability would they dump her I dont think so you would stand by your child no matter what I will try and edit thanks for pointing it out I am not a very good writer!!! xx

    Well done for being brave enough to tell them, now give them time to come to terms with it, I'm sure they will. Good luck for the future.

    millie111

    Day by day..they are still shocked ..it is going to take time as you say. ;-)xx

    It may be awful now...but as Colleen and the O`s say it will no doubt calm down!...You are only 15..(Not meant in a patronizing way)!...You have been very brave to come out ....They are bound to be shocked....My family still don`t like talking about it..but I know they still love me!...Let the fuss die down..I`m sure it will...carry on as usual..You are their daughter and you are special!..Hang in there!...


    All good wishes,


    millie xx

    Most members know my views about Homosexuality, i have to say i admire your courage in telling your parents, don't worry too much, they are going through the different stages just like losing someone, but they will come to terms with it, you are still their daughter and nothing will change that. --- you have plenty of friends on Aka that will give you the right advice and understanding--- GOODLUCK GAYWAY.

    You did the right thing. Your parents are in schock, blaming each other, trying to find out,what went wrong. They will eventually  come to terms with it., You are a very couregeous young girl.

    At your age I'm not sure you know, you might feel a closeness to same sex but you can still fall in love with a man give your self time and don't commit now........jmo.

    Colleen

    Moderator
    I knew when I was 13 years old. I actually "knew" before 13 but didn't understand homosexual until I was 13. Up to that point, I just knew how I felt around girls was NOT how I felt around boy. No sparks around boys. I too gave GAYWAY the benefit of doubt due to her age but in reality, by the age of 15, I think she knows or at least should. Kids are emotionally younger today than in my day which is the only reason I gave the benefit.

    Point out to your parents the following:


    1. You are not going to get pregnant unexpectantly.


    2. You are very unlikely to get a sexually transmitted disease.


    3. A violent partner is unlikely ( I imagine).


    4. Divorce and all the trauma that goes with it wlii not be an issue.

    mycatsmom

    Nom, my g.friend's son is gay , and he was building a life with his first " husband " They had bought a house together. Then, that guy didn't want him anymore, so they got a "divorce " It was traumatic for him and for his parents.
    nomdeplume

    OK mycat, I am wrong about the divorce issue, but I think the other 3 points are valid.

    Go downstairs & give your mum a hug & tell her you love her.I bet you get a big one right back.Your dad will come around too...eventually.Give him time.

    GAYWAY- Im glad you reached out to us.  Parents forget that their children are a Gift fom God and though they raise those children they are each their own person...My parents wanted what they thought was the best for and we followed along to a point.  Im my teen years and in both mu sibling and my adult years we haven't had the easiest lives...certainly not the fantasy lives my parents had dreamed up for us...Colleen and woderdyke gave you words of wisdom.  Where I am from there are liberal areas where gay& lesbian couples live nex to inter-racial coulpes and "regular (same race) couples- they are friends and their kids play together.  


    Remember that fairytale dream I mentioned- your parents need to come to grips that their fairytale didn't fit you.  They also need to realize that it is no ones fault and that you are young, happy, and healthy.  Please reach out the website Colleen put in her answer.  One last thing, your parents responses and emotions are theirs- they need to deal with them.  


    Get support from frieds, and the # and please if you really feel like killing yourself call a crisis hotline!

    Gayway, Good for you!!! Hopefully your parents will come to understand that you are a unique soul given to the world by God.  Nobody should mess with that.  You are just like us all a gift to the planet earth. We all deserve to be who we are.  Love yourself, and your parents and keep working on your personal goals no matter how big or little they may be. Sometimes people don't see the light about others until, the light comes around to them, in one form or another.  I worked with a kid whose parents took him to therapy when he told them he was gay.  He decided to marry a woman until his grandparents died so not to disappoint his parents.  Good for him,  but I do not agree.  Be yourself, Be your spirit!  Parents will come around or they won't.  It's their business how they want to be on this planet for the little short 100 years we all get.  Enjoy your life. Study what you love.  Cheers to you!!!  "Don't worry be happy."

    I am sure that WAS the hardest part: letting them know.  Henceforth, things will gradually get better. 


    You have my respect for your bravery.

    Your parents both need time to process this information.  Be patient, give them time, and keep in mind, that this is likely something that they have never even considered until you told them.  As with everything that happens in life, it takes time to accept things and move on.

    akaqa members i hope i am not answering this question twice.  i really do not care about the points even tho i love them and its fun.  what i want to say is, reading all of your comments, on this question,  brought tears to my eyes.  i am thankful to God that i got to meet such people as you and the wonderful words that you all bestow BESTOW BESTOW  upon others.  Love to you all!! Tabbie the Tabber

    Colleen

    Moderator
    You will still get points but I will not move this because I know it's an important message that you want all to see. Thank you Tabber.
    tabber

    Thank you Colleen.

    They'll love  you just as much. But, it'll take them awhilefor them  to adjust to it. My g.friend's older son is gay and they totally support him and his " husband " .  It took awhile for his dad to come around.Give them time.

    mycatsmom

    Gayway,
    Just learned that you are only 15. Don't be so sure at this age that you are lesbian.
    Sometimes both boys and girls fool around with eachother.(their own gender ) .. at that age. Wait till you're 18 or 19 to thouroughly declare that you're lesbian.


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