my boyfriends daughter hates me, WHAT DO I DO ?

    My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years his daughter now "15" has always been hateful to me. when I met her she said was rude and then spit in her dads face .  she had told him lies trying to split us up and it almost worked. I have busted her in many lies over the years (MAYBE THIS IS WHY SHE HATES ME I SEE RIGHT THROUGH HER ). when we go out and she takes a friend  if the friend  likes me or talks to me she then is mean to her friend. I am so sad, upset, heartbroken, bewildered,and discussed with her i could scream !   

    I know it is hard on him he wants to make us both happy now i try to stay away when she is with him , his has full custody of her she goes to her moms every other weekend , and for  5 weeks in the  summer . I have to say when she is gone, Our relationship is so wonderful and we are so much in love . Her father and I have a lovely time with each other  we go places do thing and it is very loving and special  time.

    I have always been kind to this young person , is this just the way teenage girls act towards  their fathers mates ? I'm so lost.  I have never had to deal with such a hateful , mean, nasty ,rude rude girl before.

    what to do with  a meangirl ? 

    +3  Views: 8943 Answers: 17 Posted: 10 years ago

    she doesn't seem to want to loose her birth right mother but she may feel like you are trying to replace her real mom,you may want to resure her that you ARN'T tRYING TO REPLACEN HER MOTHER BUT SHARE WITH HER YOUR LOVE FOR HER. PRAY AND SHARE WITH THE DAUGHTER.

    good answer, squrrel.

    17 Answers

    Her attitude may never change.  Or, one day she might see the light and wake up.  My girls had a very hard time when I met my current husband and one doesn't talk to me at all.  The other daughter told me it was OK for her Dad to date but it wasn't OK for me.... that was when she was 16.  Neither one came to my wedding... the younger one went to a Jack Johnson concert with her Dad and his girlfriend instead.

    You are not alone... just be yourself and hope for the best.  You can't make anyone like you... that's a fact Jack... Johnson!

    Good Luck and Best Wishes.

    I'm thinking that 15 year old needs a little bootcamp...say what!!



    right on !

    You cant control a 15 yr. old girl who does not like you. It is up to your Boyfriend to set the rules and enforce them. If he cant do that, then you have to live with it. Maybe some counseling would help.


    Ann, best answer.

    thats because you are not her mom. she wants her parents to be together. she loves them both unconditionally. she is going to feel resentment. unfortunately i dont know how to deal with it, i went through the same thing, except she managed to break us up. now shes happy.

    I don't know what to tell you. Time is all I can offer. Maybe she'll outgrow it.....


    she will when she's out of the house and has kids of her own. But, the next 5 years is going to seem like forever.

    Been there, done that. The kid will win. The kids always win because the parents are not mature enough themselves to stand up to the kid's game playing. The parents live on guilt. I know you love him but you will remain miserable as long as he allows his daughter to control your relationship with him. 



    Ahhh, guilt is an ugly beast that many divorced parents allow....but this kid is totally out of control.  And if He allows this type of behavior from his daughter You are doomed.

    I think you both need to set some rules and stick to them, also support each other in enforcing and telling her that the behavior is not and will not be accepted, perhaps you could give her the option of living with her mother or boarding out at school, I would make it quite clear that you are the adults and it is you that sets the rules

    As much as you find this girls behavior disturbing, i can totally understand where she is coming from, as far as she is concerned you came into her dads life where as her mom should have still been in it (not that this is your fault) of course she sees you as a threat to her and her fathers relationship and she will make things difficult for you hoping that you will just go away.Her behavior is her revenge on you. Having said that,she has to realize that it is not all about her anymore, you and her father deserve to be happy, has her father had a talk with her in regards to you being a part of their lives ?Sit her down and talk with her, tell her and show her that you are not the enemy you are there to be her friend and that you are a part of her dads life whether she likes it or not.


    Gifts are bribes but they sometimes work with kids. I would find out what her heart desires and get it for her. Fifteen is such a difficult age. I was a terror and almost gave my mom a nervous breakdown.
    My dad smoked cigarettes and I didn't like the smell of the smoke on his suit. Sweet little me put it in the washing machine, let the hot water run and around it swirled. (My mom had warned me against this act)
    It was considerably smaller when I took it out of the washing machine and hung it on the clothes line.
    I called her Fat and other choice names. To this day, I kinda kick myself.

    I doubt you have done anything to her except be the woman her dad loves instead of her mother.  Just say "Hello" and leave it at that.  Cordial enough. 
    I think the REAL problem is her dad.  He could think about the fact that he is allowing his daughter to develop into a b-i-t- .well, you know. 
    SPITTING on her dad (or anyone else) is assault in my book. I'd get that girl into a therapist yesterday.  She is going to have a real rough ride in life with that attitude. 


    I agree SPITTING requires an intervention.

    You were blessed, its mine/mee. I hope people who read your comment don't think that meeting "the one" will change them forever, because it won't.
    Looking at this question 2 years later, the thought that comes to mind as a valid answer is "You call her father, a grown man, your 'boy'friend".

    If someone doesn’t like you (anyone) just kind of ignore them. Don’t play games. Ignore. Walk away.

    I haven’t read any comments, I have just had a very hard day and maybe I will change my mind.

    These good people may have had good idea. It’s 3:40 am and I give .... I’ll read tomorrow.

    Good luck,


    ..never am I more active than when I do nothing...Cato

    I must be a real go getter, lindilou ... ha : )

    itsmee, Good, a fellow night person .

    Juliana,it's 3A now. I don't want to go to bed. I never do. The other day when I was grocery shopping I swear I fell asleep as I was bobbing along. My cart kind of veered and the couple that were coming my way looked at me real funny.
    Right now I'm going to gather the cat and climb the ladder to my loft, take a xanax and zzzzzzzz.

    P.S. I had problems with a friend today. I read my answer to Hated and I think I said the right thing. I am going to ignor the "friend" and I will Walk Away.

    This is typical  teenage girl behavior. It sounds like he lets her get away with anything, but he's on a guilt trip that he screwed up her life.  It's not going to get any better, untill she grows up and has a baby of her own. Then, maybe she'll be nice to you. You won't have her living at home with him anymore, but he'll be giving her a   LOT of money to pay her bills. Then, when she gets divorced, or breaks up with her boyfirend,, she'll be back at Dad's house again.


    MCM, I think your response was too too true and VERY scary.

    I do not think spitting in the face of your father typical of a bratty teenage girl. Like I said to Bob, that kind of behavior requires an intervention ... or maybe Bob said that to me.....whatever. : )

    ""I'd like to meet her...


    that's a face only a mother could love ;-)

    eggplant. We miss you. I just want to say that your scary boy was the perfect match for the spatting girl.

    “I cannot solve the problem because it is not my problem to solve…It is your problem. You are the only person who can solve this and I know you can. Such problems have one main factor…expectations are not met. Consider what you thought could or would happen and did not occur. Write it on a page and all the accessary considerations also. Write “stop" at the end of each line and repeat this process until you can no longer add anything to it. Burn the paper you wrote and write more when ever you like, repeating this process. Eventually you will see that you are responsible for all of the angry thoughts that fill your day with unpleasant thinking. Practice this process with whatever is unpleasant and soon happy thoughts will be the only thoughts you will choose to keep. I have been practicing this for 50 years and everyone who knows or meets me know me as a happy guy.


    Fifteen year old girls are given way too much power these days. It is really up to your boyfriend to be a parent. You need to make a very difficult decision.

    you need to get to know each other,and spend more time together. :}


    My dilemma is that a very close friend of mine has passed away 5 years ago. I have been seeing her husband for 3 years. But the daughter who is 40 years old will not accept me in her dads life. I cant be with him ex. She just had a baby and I couldnt even share the excitement with him, couldnt go to hospital. He doesnt go to her house anymore because I am not allowed. To much to write it all.

    This woman is also my goddaughter,  I am beginng to think that I should step away because he nows says he will tell his daughter that he cant be in her or his grandsons life. I do not want to be the cause of that. He has tried to talk to her many times.

    I dont want to do this, But I dont want him to miss out watching his grandson grow up. We are 61 and 58.   Any advice



    You should post this as a new question so more of the members will see it and reply to it.

    Thumbs up, Colleen .

    your relationship, your mate, husband/partner etc. should come first. if she does not accept you FORGET FORGET her. Don't be rude. Enjoy your life with your mate. Let her do whatever she does. Don't worry anymore. She does not exit in your life. Let your brain think about something else. And there is plenty to think about in this big world. But she would not be one of them. Once again forget her and her belongings, cats, dogs, kids etc.

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