close
    dont want to lose my wife

    my wife is in the army and when the kids and i made it to where she is changing her mind about us being togetger so i did some digging and found out that she is now talking to another service member over seas they were talking about how much they really like each other i dont want to loose my wife what do i do

    +3  Views: 993 Answers: 11 Posted: 10 years ago
    Colleen

    Moderator
    If you do not understand Umbriel's answer, why did you choose it as best answer? He's calling you a feminine man and your wife a masculine woman. Roll reversal. You're the wife and she's the husband.

    11 Answers

    Let her know how much you love her and ask her how she feels about you.  You may not like the answer that she gives, but at least it will open up a conversation.  Depending on what she says, you may want to suggest some marriage counselling.  Just be gentle with your words and don't accuse until you find out some facts.

    lindilou

    Just be sure I'm nowhere around...HAH! Quackers! LOL :D
    thump2012

    i've told her how much i love her over and over again she told me that her heart is nomb
    Ducky

    Moderator
    I'm sorry thump. If she won't consider counselling, perhaps you could go on your own. This might help you to sort through what you need to do next.
    lindilou

    ...okay...you can say anything you like but just don't mention my bald head...fllyying by....sometimes I wish I was a Duck.! Quaaack! :)

    ""

    Ducky

    Moderator
    What? So I can't talk about you anymore???
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Okay. :)
    lindilou

    Ya what the hay Umbriel...it is true..we are a gossipy bunch of apes...so "as well as" seems appropriate!! :D

    Life is a journey and so is love.  All you can do is be yourself, open, honest and pure. 


    Best wishes to you.

    digger

    Compassionate is my middle name ;-)

    Distance doesn't always make the heart grow fonder.  Did she serve with the other service member?  I'm sorry.  This sounds like a rough situation.  Think of 5 reasons youlove her and then tell her those things.  "I love you" sometimes needs to be fully expressed.  

    thump2012

    no she didnt but they are from the same town i told her yesterday that i would go to her commander if it didnt stop and she told me the we would be getting a divorice if i did dont know what to do
    thump2012

    no she didnt but they are from the same town i told her yesterday that i would go to her commander if it didnt stop and she told me the we would be getting a divorice if i did dont know what to do
    thump2012

    no she didnt but they are from the same town i told her yesterday that i would go to her commander if it didnt stop and she told me the we would be getting a divorice if i did dont know what to do
    doolittle

    This sounds awful. If she really does not want counseling & will not talk about what is going on except she feels numb then I am going to suggest you go into counseling with someone who works with difficult marital situations alone. They may have some good ideas of how to approach her but mostly you will be able to talk about all of this including your anger and fears in a safe place. Here are a few Q for you alone to think about: Do you think she has had an affair or is having an on-going affair- if so can you forgive her and trust her again??? Do you think she wants a divorce but isn't willing to tell you? Would either of you stay married and miserable for "the sake of the kids" ??? Could she be worried about leaving you and losing custody?? and... what kind of things could she do or say to make you feel confident that she loves you and will not cheat on you???

    Tell her you and the kids love her very much and you need to talk about your future together

    Join the Navy.

    FISH-O

    Now, this is an answer that makes sense!

    perhaps you are "too available" do you work? has she an active interest in the children and what they are doing? she sounds selfish to me, you are obviously a family orientated man, maybe get on with bringing up the children, leading your life because I think whatever you say will matter little to her anyway

    May I suggest counseling for you? Something is not being seen or acted upon.  You can learn a few things.....

    Honestly, it sounds as though she is on the prowl, or already has been on the prowl for someone else. This stuff happens a lot with people in the military, as it excerts a lot of different pressures with people being separated for long periods of time. The best thing you can probably do, is establish where the two of you stand with each other, and then plan for what you have to.


    Where it was her wanting to stray, I would document the facts of what transpired, so that you have an unquestionable record of things. I say this, as once she tires of paying child support, you want it established that she put herself there by her own choosing. To me, it sounds as though she forgot the fact she already had a family, when she started chasing after someone else...which does sound selfish. So don't be surprised if she tries to come back to the table later on, wanting to change things regarding the financial cost of children it seems she had previously given up.


    The bright side of all this? Some sap is getting someone who would do this to you and her own kids...so, they're really not getting much, other thaan someone who will probably cheat on them somewhere down the road.

    Ed1530

    Great answer.

    I think the job at hand is not to talk anymore about what you want in this present time but look to your future and find the ways that you can be happy in that. You cannot mold people to the way you are or want and if you do not look to your future, life will pass you bye and that is just more pain for this already bad time you are in. Don’t look for others to make you happy but look to see what makes them happy and find the joy in that and in time you will look into yourself and find joy as well.

    Shootah

    Excellent answer!

    Sounds like shes made her mind up, she sounds a bit selfish. All you can do is tell her how you and the children feel, if that doen't work plan your life without her , move your life on and think of yourself for a change.



    Top contributors in Marriage & Divorce category

     
    jhharlan
    Answers: 123 / Questions: 0
    Karma: 13860
     
    Benthere
    Answers: 6 / Questions: 1
    Karma: 12360
     
    Bob/PKB
    Answers: 96 / Questions: 1
    Karma: 9620
     
    Colleen
    Answers: 190 / Questions: 0
    Karma: 9480
    > Top contributors chart

    Unanswered Questions

    Ge codes for dynex tv
    Answers: 0 Views: 2 Rating: 0
    Ge codes for dynex tv
    Answers: 0 Views: 1 Rating: 0
    Is Cricket Wireless network a good option?
    Answers: 0 Views: 6 Rating: 0
    what is the largest forest in the world?
    Answers: 0 Views: 6 Rating: 0
    Seo Tools Provider
    Answers: 0 Views: 7 Rating: 0
    Seo Tools Provider
    Answers: 0 Views: 5 Rating: 0
    > More questions...
    449260
    questions
    718277
    answers
    726621
    users