11 Answers

Let her know how much you love her and ask her how she feels about you.  You may not like the answer that she gives, but at least it will open up a conversation.  Depending on what she says, you may want to suggest some marriage counselling.  Just be gentle with your words and don't accuse until you find out some facts.

Ducky

I'm sorry thump. If she won't consider counselling, perhaps you could go on your own. This might help you to sort through what you need to do next.

Life is a journey and so is love.  All you can do is be yourself, open, honest and pure. 

Best wishes to you.

Distance doesn't always make the heart grow fonder.  Did she serve with the other service member?  I'm sorry.  This sounds like a rough situation.  Think of 5 reasons youlove her and then tell her those things.  "I love you" sometimes needs to be fully expressed.  

Tell her you and the kids love her very much and you need to talk about your future together

Join the Navy.

Ducky

:)

perhaps you are "too available" do you work? has she an active interest in the children and what they are doing? she sounds selfish to me, you are obviously a family orientated man, maybe get on with bringing up the children, leading your life because I think whatever you say will matter little to her anyway

May I suggest counseling for you? Something is not being seen or acted upon.  You can learn a few things.....

Honestly, it sounds as though she is on the prowl, or already has been on the prowl for someone else. This stuff happens a lot with people in the military, as it excerts a lot of different pressures with people being separated for long periods of time. The best thing you can probably do, is establish where the two of you stand with each other, and then plan for what you have to.

Where it was her wanting to stray, I would document the facts of what transpired, so that you have an unquestionable record of things. I say this, as once she tires of paying child support, you want it established that she put herself there by her own choosing. To me, it sounds as though she forgot the fact she already had a family, when she started chasing after someone else...which does sound selfish. So don't be surprised if she tries to come back to the table later on, wanting to change things regarding the financial cost of children it seems she had previously given up.

The bright side of all this? Some sap is getting someone who would do this to you and her own kids...so, they're really not getting much, other thaan someone who will probably cheat on them somewhere down the road.

I think the job at hand is not to talk anymore about what you want in this present time but look to your future and find the ways that you can be happy in that. You cannot mold people to the way you are or want and if you do not look to your future, life will pass you bye and that is just more pain for this already bad time you are in. Don’t look for others to make you happy but look to see what makes them happy and find the joy in that and in time you will look into yourself and find joy as well.

Sounds like shes made her mind up, she sounds a bit selfish. All you can do is tell her how you and the children feel, if that doen't work plan your life without her , move your life on and think of yourself for a change.