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    3. why does my boyfriend keep telling me to stop being so dopy when that is my personality??
    why does my boyfriend keep telling me to stop being so dopy when that is my personality??

    i have been having this conversation with my boyfriend for the past 2 months now and he doesnt seem to get why i am like the way i am. i mean he still thinks that i am not trying to turn my life around and act like an adult. 3he thinks that i am relying on everyone too much and that i am not standing on my own two feet. He said that i am lazy and not putting 100% into changing the way i act and trying to turn my life around. i am only 18 and he is 24. what can i do to prove to him that i am trying my hardest to turn my life around but trying to change me before i am ready is just going to ruin our relationship and that it will get me no where as i have not had as much time to grow up as he has. please tell me what i should do. i dont want to lose him but i cant keep on having him have a go at me for not being like him basically

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    +6  Views: 1084 Answers: 24 Posted: 12 years ago
    Tags: boyfriend trouble
    lindilou

    So you're a free bird now so go!!Fly!!!Enjoy being beautiful YOU!Peace.
    Commented 12 years ago
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      24 Answers

      You need a new boyfriend!  One who likes you for who you are!  Beware of anyone who tries to change you!!!!

      12 years ago. Rating: 21
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        You certainly do not type like a "dope"!!Anyone who criticizes and tries to control who you are or how you are sounds like a bit of a control-freak with issues of immaturity.In my mind if anyone is not willing to get in my shoes on my dieing day...well...why on earth would I allow them to walk in my "living" shoes??Live your own life and be the best "YOU" that you can be...we do not all mature on the same day!!!

        12 years ago. Rating: 20
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          stacie029

          i am trying to be the best that i can be but with him on and on its hard to just be myself. he said that as im 18 im an adult and i need to start acting like one, he thinks that my attitude needs to change and i need to stop acting silly and like a child all the time
          commented 12 years ago

          Be whoever you are and forget him, he's not the guy for you............

          12 years ago. Rating: 17
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            Since you have mentioned it a couple of times, I must ask what you mean by "turn my life around"?  Do you have an issue that he or others, might be concerned about?

            12 years ago. Rating: 17
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              stacie029

              not that i know off. i mean i know that i can be forgettful and that i act like a child half the time but other than that i dont know
              commented 12 years ago
              Ducky

              Moderator
              No drugs, alcohol, anything serious, like that?
              commented 12 years ago
              stacie029

              i dont drink and i dont take drugs, neither does he
              commented 12 years ago
              Ducky

              Moderator
              I'm very glad to hear that. Maybe he is just a very critical person and that is not someone you want to stay with...he will bring you down. You may think that no one else will ever like you as much as he does...that is not true and you need to break up with him and let the right one come along one day. No need to be in a hurry though...you are just fine alone!
              commented 12 years ago

              You need a new boyfriend that accepts you as you are. Why would you want to stay with someone who can only criticize you?! You are still high school age...can't he find a girlfriend his own age, or maybe it is that one his own age would tell him what he could do with his negative opinions. Do you want to spend the rest of your life listening to him telling you that you're not meeting his expectations?! You need to find someone that is not so domineering!

              12 years ago. Rating: 16
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                Leave the rocket scientist and find a dopey boyfriend. Don't put up with the insults, they will get worst in time and could lead to something much more serious.

                12 years ago. Rating: 14
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                  **** Oops this was a comment to PL...Or the old story....A MAN gets married and spends ten years changing HIS WIFE only to say "You are not the WOMAN I married"?

                  12 years ago. Rating: 12
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                    At 18 how much life could you have to turn around? I would think you would just do what you are doing.

                    12 years ago. Rating: 12
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                      Ducky

                      Moderator
                      I question her "turn my life around statements".
                      commented 12 years ago

                      Well as long as your not droopy you can always replace him at will .So forget him there's a lot worse things in life than being dopey, you could be unpleasant like your current partner couldn't you . He also sounds rather insecure . Leave him you can do better. 

                      12 years ago. Rating: 12
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                        CONTROL FREAK ALERT!! :-¬...


                        I`D SAY BE CAREFUL ...He is lowering your self esteem/self worth..and I fear you`ll continue to date similar guys..or you`ll lower your expectations of how men..and other people will treat you in the future!...You are still just 18..and still discovering who YOU are as well as what life holds!..Please don`t let this guy continue to run you down!...I`d dump him,however hard that is to do!...He may well then realize that he`s being the DOPEY ONE!!...And hopefully will learn that his actions need reviewing ...and that he needs to treat people better in the future!!


                        Good Luck!!


                        millie xx

                        12 years ago. Rating: 12
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                          michmar118

                          Great answer, millie111 ! Break free while you are still young enough that it doesn't become your pattern with men all your life. Control freak all the way....
                          commented 12 years ago
                          FISH-O

                          Co-dependancy R US.
                          commented 12 years ago

                          We love you just the way you are!


                          ""

                          12 years ago. Rating: 11
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                            Even though you accept the term "dopey" to describe yourself, you seem smart enough to see there is inequality and you might look elsewhere for happiness.  Best of luck and know that not all connections are a good fit!!

                            12 years ago. Rating: 11
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                              i am being myself but he thinks that i need to act more like an adult. what does it mean that the way i act and the way i see and go through life is what needs to grow up??

                              12 years ago. Rating: 11
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                                doolittle

                                stacie- he is trying to mold you into someone he find's acceptable. He is the one who needs to grow up! He needs to learn to accept people as they are! He is arrogant and way too pushy! Please consider finding someone who likes you for you! And don't let him convince you he is the only one who will like you!
                                commented 12 years ago
                                Shootah

                                You need to find someone who doesn't treat you like a puppy that lives to please only him, and does all that he says...just because he says it!
                                commented 12 years ago
                                Bob/PKB

                                Perhaps you find too much joy in the small things, oohing and ahing like a child first discovering a butterfly. Perhaps you are carefree, smiling and laughing often. Perhaps you find positive around you instead of negative. Perhaps you are optimistic instead of cynical and corrosive. Perhaps you excuse little missteps others make instead of lambasting them with invectives and curses.
                                If any of those are among your problems, causing you to be dopey and not adult enough...well, good for you. Don't change anything.
                                P.S. You will find many, many good responses here, stacie029, and I hope you take their answers seriously. This is a very caring group of people who would not steer you in the wrong direction. Most of us are way older than you and are answering with the sincerity we would give to a child of our own....and none of us want to see our children hurt by anyone or anything.
                                commented 12 years ago
                                lindilou

                                That is an excellent question Stacie029...what the heck does that mean???This dude sounds like he's too old for you!!Maybe he outta stop interfering with your life and get some lessons in "mindin' his own business"while he's drinking a nice steaming hot cup of " shut the heck up!"
                                commented 12 years ago

                                "What can I do to prove to him that I am trying to turn my life around...."


                                Start with breaking up with him.  

                                12 years ago. Rating: 10
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                                  He is trying to control your life. Dont let him.If he cant accept the way you are then you might want to end the relationship. It is not going to get better.

                                  12 years ago. Rating: 10
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                                    You can do much better, move on, find guy, that wants you for who you are.

                                    12 years ago. Rating: 10
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                                      A typical example of someone trying to turn a person into some one else than what they are.


                                      The old story a woman gets married and spends ten years changing her husband only to say "You are not the man I married"

                                      12 years ago. Rating: 10
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                                        Ducky

                                        Moderator
                                        Oops...see comment in wrong place. :(
                                        commented 12 years ago
                                        FISH-O

                                        Maybe some women.
                                        commented 12 years ago
                                        PEOPLELOVER

                                        Certainly not you Fishy, you are much to poised to do that.
                                        By the way can you run through how to add photos to my comments please?
                                        I had it all worked out ages ago but have forgot.
                                        I click the little green tree then the rectangle appears and I click upload.
                                        This gives me a browse option so I click and get the photo I want to send, click it and it gets surrounded by a white square.
                                        I click open under the photo area then upload on the rectangle and I get "connecting" but photo does not come up ????????????? Thanks.
                                        commented 12 years ago

                                         If you are displaying a carefree attitude like most 18 year olds do, I'm thinking he is jealous of you.Just be the best person you can be, don't let him crush your spirit.

                                        12 years ago. Rating: 9
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                                          stacie029

                                          he has now though. he has decided that as i havent changed to the way that he wants so he has decided to end it, by text i might add
                                          commented 12 years ago

                                          let him go. you deserve to be treated like a queen. and you treat a good man like a king.

                                          12 years ago. Rating: 9
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                                            He's  not your type. Be yourself. You need someone who's 18 for now. And someone who accepts  you for who you are.

                                            12 years ago. Rating: 8
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                                              Stacie, you sound co-dependent.  Stop it before you venture into a cruel cruel summer and them some. 

                                              12 years ago. Rating: 7
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                                                It's simple, get a new boyfriend. If you stay with him then you deserve it.

                                                12 years ago. Rating: 6
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                                                  You are who you are, and he obviously doesn't  value that, cut some slack in the relationship and start doing the things you enjoy, and enjoy being who you are, you may even find someone that likes and appreciates  you for being you, don't change for anyone

                                                  12 years ago. Rating: 6
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                                                    Bob/PKB

                                                    This is some excellent advice! As usual :D
                                                    commented 12 years ago

                                                    He thinks ur behaving too gurly which he's sick of NB: he's bored of you....my advice is you deserve better get a new bf that really deserves you

                                                    12 years ago. Rating: 4
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