At what point should a parent say NO to their adult child?

    A local resident whom I have been friendly with for many years has been bilking money from his mother for years. One sob story after another. Both he and his wife treat her like their personal bank. They both work but live way beyond their means. Up until now mom has been forthcoming. She just told them that the funds are no longer there. They are livid and threatened to never talk to her again. What  would you do?

    +6  Views: 963 Answers: 20 Posted: 11 years ago

    20 Answers

    This is really a shame that the mom did not stop that a long time ago. But I understand, that you want to help your children if they absolutely need help. I have helped my children a few times. But I would never do it to support a lavish livestyle. This man is very selfish and obviously does not care about his moms welfare and probably wont be there if she ever needs help. If that was my son, I would not want any contact with him, unless he apologizes and realzes that what he did was wrong and selfish..

    ed shank

    This is the problem with so many people today. Their parents have always, right or wrong bailed them out and this behavior is the end result. Basically what their saying is give me everything or I won't love you.

    Never talk to them again.

    Selfish is selfish is selfish is selfish.

    And that,s me being polite.


    nothing polite about what they are doing tho, users and abusers of their poor mum


    ed shank

    Due to the restrictions on foul language I will refrain from an Ed Shank response.

    Absolutely. No need to answer on my part.

    Answer is covered from my end too.

    I would do just that....and probably a lot earlier.  A young relative requested money from me last year stating "I'm short on my rent".  I explained....I will pay the landlord for you and I also need to know where you are working and when you plan to pay me back. Suddenly, the money wasn't needed and I quote...."Well, thanks anyway".   Hmmmmm.....

    (Not my child and not yet an adult but a life lesson, none the less.)

    ed shank

    A lesson he will remember for years to come.

    That was my intent (after careful consideration) and I hope that you are right.

    Cut your losses ASAP.  Move on without these lazy bums.  Life should be wonderful soon.

    ed shank

    Unfortunately she is getting on in her years, I hope she sticks to her guns.

    I have a similar dilemma with my mum, my sister (well into her fifties) has done this to her for years, she is now on a pension and can no longer to support my sisters family, so my sister is trying to get her certified and put in a home so she can have her house!!! not happening, I am traveling down (in between back surgeries) and am helping her pack up her house to move closer to me so I can help her when she needs it and be out of the clutches of the evil one, once children have moved out and are independent  they have no right to be sponging off anyone, they are parasites and need to be given the flick,  this poor mum doesn't and shouldn't have to pay for the "privilege" of their company


    Good luck.
    ed shank

    I'm in probate court now with one of my brothers. It sickens me to think that this is all about money and not mothers well being. The thing is he's loaded.$$$$$$.

    I would tell the parents, ABOUT TIME and start enjoying their money themselves.

    ed shank

    Hell yes, overdue.

    You dont need them, keep your money, dont talk to them, get on with your life. You will be richer also.

    "Adult child" tells you a lot right there. Raising a child to be  an independent person is no easy task.  And lets' face it, its' a cold,cruel world out there.  But, damn!  this person has been through enough.  Myself I would have said no the first time they asked for money but my kids and family would never have asked...and they know why.

    ed shank

    I once asked my father for 60 bucks to buy a hot TV. I was short a few bucks. I exclaimed that he would get it the next day. I forgot and paid him the following day. He looked me in the eye and said "never ask me for a dime again" your a day late. Never asked him for anything again except what time it was.

    Excellent observation! ADULT CHILD.

    As the mother, I would be heartbroken.  Then I would change my phone number.
    Shootah brings up something very close to home; I won't mention any names, but I do have that one sister.....

    When it comes to money and inheritances, sometimes you find out just how greedy members of your family can be. Its really a shame that it brings out the worst in some people. Its strange, but often the ones with the most, seem to be the greediest, as though they think they have some entitlement that no one is supposed to challenge.


    Yes, it's the entitlement mind set that irks me; those feel they should have what everyone else has, and everyone else deserves...nothing! ugh

    "all the time "

    ed shank

    I didn't mind helping my son out but, this ain't no bank.

    Tell them they will never learn to walk on thier own, if mother is stuck holding them up like a pair of crutches.

    My parents have been way too good to me but, I've learned and no longer ask for help. My folks are not my personal bankers............

    No cut them off imidetaly if not sooner ,what happens when mom and dad want to retire and their is nothing their for them, do you think the kids will help em out then ?

    ed shank

    Hell no not these two.

    It is truely an outrage that these two only treated her as thier own personal bank and then cast her aside when she could no longer acquiesce to them. Then to turn around and threaten her to never talk to her again? My only response would be, "Can I have that in writing, please!."  Everybody has the right to say no to thier children. I did some years ago and my son just started talking to me recently but only after realizing what he was doing was wrong. (drug and alchoho)l  Sometimes it takes a long time for children to grow up. Mine finally got it at 33 years old! Better late than never. My prayers for this woman, she will be in my thoughts.

    The mother should of stopped handing money out long ago, she should not have given money to her son so freely.We all like to help our kids,  but there comes a time and place where you have to draw the line, especially to our adult children.

    So many great responses to the question. They should all be designated "Best Answer" but there's only room for one. Thanx guy's.


    It was a good question too.

    It seems  younger adults today  do not seem to know the meaning of no


    Ed, I do not think much of your friend! Did you tell him to leave his mother alone? It seems you've gotten involved in this. I would tell  your "friend" that you are ashamed of his greed!  Probably won't help but you may feel better.

    ed shank

    Clu, I see what goes on, but I am reluctant to get involved. It is after all a family issue. I hate what they do but they have always been very pleasant to me.

    I grew up thinking my first name was "No".

    As soon as they pop out start saying no.

    You teach them no responsibility by baling them out all the time.

    "Neither a borrower nor lender be"

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