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    What do you say to a man, that 29 years ago you almost married?

    I don't know why after all these years he would try to find me. That wound is deep and still hurts.

    +6  Views: 1073 Answers: 15 Posted: 12 years ago
    valR

    This story is missing lots of details for me to give you an answer...
    Darci13

    Sorry Daisy know you do not want to put all out there but there is not enough info to give an answer.
    robertgrist

    I am so happy we didn’t get married…my life has been so fabulous that I am thrilled to see you.!

    15 Answers

    The mind can play tricks.  Ahhh...it was sooooo wonderful back then!  Was it really?  Relationships end for a "reason" and "those reasons" fade away much faster than the happy memories.  I think that's how we cope with past heartaches.

    Daisy!

    This is so true! All the good flooded in, when I saw his name. Then I open the email, and all the bad was reborn. There is a reason I left, and it was right in that email.
    He reminded me of every reason I walked out with the pics. That was cold. I'm not a cold person, I can't do mean things to people. Even if I don't like them. I walk away.
    If I had any feeling for him left, he killed it last night. That might have been a good thing.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    No doubt.

    It happened to me . About 5 years ago , my ex-finance' from the 70s wanted to see me. So, I told him I'd meet him in a resturant. We talked about general stuff. Then we went to a library b/c he wanted to show me some of his pictures of years ago. The library was closed. So, we sat in my car and I told him he had wasted my childbearing years.; and that he's got to stop lying to people to manipultate them . Then , he called me a few times adn I said I'm not going out with him. He said, " But ,  you're the only person who can love me "  No, I don't love him. It's been 35 yrs. since I loved him . He's a sociopath who backed out of marriage twice with me ! It was all a scam

    Daisy!

    You escaped! I know it hurt, you must have loved him at one time.
    I think deep down I know I was lucky too. I think thoughts I shouldn't be thinking.
    Had I stayed, I wouldn't have the problems I have today. My son might not have been born disabled. I would have had a large family, and a lovely home. But at what price?
    I wish he hadn't contacted me. I don't need these thoughts.
    Chiangmai

    Once beaten, twice shy. Good decision. He won't get better, just more wrinkles.

    My first thought is "Go Away"...but if you have any questions for him- now's the time.  Keep your expectations low (though maybe he now realizes he was hurtful and wants to apologize????)  I might have a friend around...don't invite him to your home..go somewhere in public- so you can leave quickly if he upsets you again!!!!

    Daisy!

    No, I'll never meet with him. He doesn't understand what he did, even now. We were engaged for a year. Right before the wedding, it was over. I left, moved hundreds of miles away, almost over night.
    He gets in touch with me tonight, which would have been fine, we could be friends. I expected him to marry, and have children. He could have told me, nice conversation. Something pleasant.He didn't have to send pictures of his wife, kids and grandkids!
    He didn't say anything much. Just are you the one I was engaged to? And sent photos. It was in poor taste.
    I know how he thinks, he was sending a message.
    doolittle

    That is in poor taste! Rude. and Weird. What's the point of trying to be friends with someone like that??? Message sent. block his email address so his messages won't come through, take a few cleansing breaths, hug your son..and keep moving forward!!! You are a good woman!!!
    Daisy!

    I did! It took a few minutes for the shock to wear off. I'm okay now, I made the right choice.
    Thank You!!
    Daisy!

    Doolittle, thank you, I thought maybe I was being a bit silly. I'm glad you agree it was in poor taste. It gave me a real bad feeling. Thank again.

    I have no advice at all. When I got divorced I lost a child as well ,not to be seen or heard of again,after they returned to Brazil . My son found me after 30 years ,and his mother is in touch as well. I never though I would be in touch with them again . So I am in the same boat as you ,day by day . We did chat once on line ,scary as hell all came back like it was yesterday .Not going to be doing that chat thing again .We talk about our son and the weather,thats about all. They live in Brazil and I am in the USA  my son has visited 2 times for about a week each time . Strange saying good bye to a baby and having a grown man shake your hand saying Hi Dad ! I am going to be no help at all here ,just thought you might enjoy my story . You are not alone with this ,I mourned her for years and finally put her out of my mind,now the scariest thought is "what would I do if I was given the chance to see her face to face " I was given the chance to go to Brazil several times at no cost . HMMMMMMMMMMM Am I chicken or what ? Could be sitting on the beach in Rio with a drink and a hot Brazilian woman  I must be nuts too!

    Daisy!

    Your right it was like YESTERDAY! He was the only man I ever loved. We worked together at IBM, at Research Triangle Park in Raleigh, NC. I quit my great job. I'll never date anyone I work with again.
    We were perfect together. I thought. He had to many secrets,and he was controlling. You can reason with me, but not control me. I've very independent,I don't surrender my will.
    Oh well, I left, it was hard. I always wonder if I made the right decision. You learn and grow as you go. He might have learn, that his behavior wasn't production in a relationship. Maybe not.
    I feel for you, you didn't get to bond with your son. That breaks my heart. I'm glad you have contact with him and he visits you.I don't think your chicken. I was always told you never go back. It never works out, only in books. However it is hard to beat a hot Brazilian woman on a beach!
    Thanks!

    Daisy


    My heart goes out to you.  I too have survived a 30 something year old 'stiring of the feelings'.  But for me it wasn't so bad.  I moved on not too long after desolving the relationship.  To release me from the haunting history I had, in my mind only, forgive the pereson.  By doing this I freed myself from forever holding a grudge or holding onto hate.  The grudge stuff can really really hold a person back from living free.  Sometimes called baggage. 


    Rekindling any kind of friendship before you have freed yourself from that time in your life can cause overwhelming distraught.   Nothing positive will result.  BAAADDD karma.   I would never do it myself, I know better now.

    Daisy!

    I thought I had. I didn't have any hard feelings, till I got the email. It was how he did it! It was mean spirited. I was flooded with all these feelings, it took a minute to come back to myself.
    I'm okay now, I see him for what he is. Not someone I want to be involved with. I want someone with compassion, and passion. He lacked both.

    Go easy on yourself Daisy, Im sure there are maney out thier that need your love.

    Daisy!

    Thank You, you are very sweet.

    I had to step back and really think about it.  And remember everything!  Which made me angry he had the nerve to make me go through that AGAIN.  Told him to get lost lose the #,email  everything!  I also told him off,  it was very satisfying.

    Daisy!

    You were smart, no one needs to relive bad times. I know I don't!
    Thank You!

    Thats a horrible and insensitive thing to do, I would send the pics right back without comment and block him from further email contact

    Daisy!

    I am so glad you all reacted the way I did. There were no words, but the action was loud and clear.It was cold.
    I was so surprised to hear from him, the shock had to wear off.
    He is blocked.
    Thank You!

    Good to see you again how you been..

    Daisy!

    Pretty good, still blooming! And you?
    hector5559

    PRITTY GOOD DAREN THANKS,
    daren1

    Well why not just keep it simple..
    Daisy!

    simple, complicated, complex, it's all good!
    Besides, Hector did it, I saw him! Hehehe

    Daisy. A man like that is not worth even to give him a second thought. To send you a picture of his family speaks of a sadistc nature. He wants you to suffer. Maybe now you can forget about the hurt he has caused you. Be happy you did not marry him and cut off any communication with him. He is a louse.

    Daisy!

    It was mean, and ugly. I don't understand, I never did an unkind thing to him. That I know of. I think it was revenge. He is gone, and so are the nice memories that were left.I'm never think of him in a nice way again.
    Thank You!

    How about just plain old "Aloha".  The word means both hello and goodbye.  To make sure there'd be no ambiguity, say "Aloha" as you're waving to him while your legs are propelling you to go the opposite direction.. 


    ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHA!


    Just like that.  You're gone.


     

    Daisy!

    Very cool, should have spoken to you sooner!

    I really don't know.

    Daisy!

    That's cool, I didn't either! I was dazed, like hit in the head!

    You say, " I hope life has treated you well." And walk away... You can never go back. I feel your pain... I know how badly it hurts. xoxoxoxo

    Daisy!

    I was having a bad day, this email came at a bad time. It hurt so much. He'll never know how much. He must feel something to have done something so cold, and hurtful. Rejected? I don't understand men ego. I can't believe he hunted me down to do something like that. Who would do that?
    Thank You Jenn!

    Hi how have you been all these years. your looking well .

    Daisy!

    That would have been nice. He lack social skills! Glad to see men picked up on that!
    Thank You!

    Oh dear, Daisy, you don't deserve any of this.  What a cretin.  
    You have been given some really good advice.  The only different offering I can make is that you have been adamant that you aren't really excited about seeing or talking to him.  I don't think you want to be rude, though, and feel that some sort of response is in order.  Sooooo, respond with,
    "Yes, that is me.  Please don't contact me again.  Thank you. "  
     Something like that. 

    Daisy!

    Very cool, I like!!!!
    Bob/PKB

    sometimes I can say it in a few words. happy day


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