11 Answers

A little boy wanted $100 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.   When the postal authorities received a letter to God, U.S.A., they decided to send it to the President.   The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5.00.  The president thought this would appear like a lot of money to the little boy.  The little boy was so delighted with the $5 bill and sat down and write a thank you note to God., which read:

~~~~Dear God: Thank you so much for sending me the money.  However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C., and those crooks deducted $95 in taxes.

Do not know how it happened but I was listening to the running of the Irish derby horse race.

My wife<of the time, was listening with me when the Irish commentator said "I wonder when they come round the bend will the leader be out in front"

Strike me dead that is dead set true.

I looked at my wife, she looked at me and we both cracked up.

Every time we looked at one another we would start again.

One Christmas when working retail in an incredibly busy location a small pause happened... behind the cash counter ... We were so exhausted...  a co-worker said to me, "I would really like to see The Doors in concert."

I don't know why... this was a peeing my pants moment. 

Jim was hanging with Elvis for ... ever! ... at this point.  Even Bob Marley was singing on the other side. 

I cracked up.

Strange and true...."Dude, where have you been?"

Make My Horse Laugh

There once was this bar with a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house. So this guy walks in and asks if he can give it a try. The bartender says sure.

The cowboy walks out there and whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse starts laughing hysterically. The guys walks in and the bartender gives him the drinks. The next night the same guy and the same thing happens.

The third night the sign is changed to making the horse cry. The guy goes out side and a few minutes later he comes back in and the horse is crying.

The bartender says 'o.k. you can have your drinks but first tell me what you did to make my horse laugh.'

The cowboy said, 'I told him my privates are bigger than his.'

'O.K. but how did you make him cry?'

The cowboy replied, 'I proved it to him.'

 These the king of slap stick why you

your face. ( wink )  hahahah

A co-worker who is a little ditsy.  She was talking to me about "cooking" and she said  " I was cooking some "Roman"  noodles the other day and the directions said to use one  cup of water, and she said she didn't know if she should use the little cup or the big cup,  and her boyfriend said 'I  think they mean the measuring cup, and she said  " Ohhhh,   why didn't I think of that??!!"

the smoking room series 1 and 2

That Tim is a message from God. 

My cat hating mother was visiting from interstate, I had made her a cup of tea and placed it on a bench,she was facing away talking to me and all I could see was my cat dipping his paws repeatedly into her tea and licking it off...yum.

On another occasion I lost my then 3 year old in a big department store, I was frantic, management were called, we scoured the toy section, she was found eventually asleep on one of their display bedroom suites in the front window of the store.she had put herself to bed and appeared very comfortable

Child in B&Q trying out the diplayed toilet you can guess the results