close
    Is it possible for a gay but married man of 67 who has adult children ever have a chance at living a truthful, out, unclosedted, honest life?

    +5  Views: 862 Answers: 13 Posted: 6 years ago

    13 Answers

    I truly hope you find a way and that love and support surrounds you.

    itsmee

    Fish Fry, I †hink your answer is right to the point. I put so many words in mine.

    See a counsellor and learn the best way to explain your situation to your loved ones who may have a difficult time understanding.  This may help to make things a lot easier for you and for them.  Keeping this "secret"  (some may already know or suspect)  must be horribly stressful.  Please give them time to learn and understand....lots of time.  It won't be easy for any of you.

    It will depend on who surrounds you and the friends you have and the company you will keep!!

    You have suffered your life trying to do the right thing. Those who would think this is a choice, I hope they hear the pain you've lived having to live a lie all your life who you were born to be. On the flip side, you did gain a family through your choice to play straight, I just hope they can support you in your decision to find real love and hopefully a soul mate to make the last of your years truly beautiful ones. Everyone deserves and has a right to have total and complete happiness. I say you step up and take what is rightfully yours. Find your happiness and if your family loves you the way you've loved them by giving up so much of yourself for them, then they will support you all the way. I wish you the very best. Do not let any bible thumping judgers tell you are wrong for wanting this either. It's your life, embrace it and be happy! Step out of the dark and into the light. The closet is not for you anymore. 

    eggplant

    I feel sorry for his wife and kids. He should have come up with the truth long ago. Although, I must say in those days it was harder to own up.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Society still can not handle gays now. A gay man has it worse. He did what society demanded. He's 67 years old. It was 1965 when he was 20. Back then it was illegal to be gay. Had he been found out, he would have been sent to jail or worse, to a sanitarium for a lobotomy. It was not until 1993 I believe when being homosexual was decriminalized. Cut him some slack here.
    itsmee

    Homosexuality was decriminalized in 1993!! I sure didn’t know that. Things are getting better for gay people. But it still not great.

    Lots of men in your situation have come out and still stayed married, if that's what you want. They have some kind of agreement with their wife. Your cirlcle of frineds can't be that conservative, that  you don't feel open to them about it. They 've prob known it for a long time , anyway.

    Ducky

    Moderator
    I think that even if people are not conservative, this is something that most are unable to simply accept about their friend, even in this "modern politically correct" society...some will..some will not.

    What a question! It would be a terribly sad situation for your wife but as things are now the relationship probably isn't more than friendship. (Friendship is a lot ) You would risk losing that.


    As far as living an out, true, free life I might guess it's very possible. You might be surprised at how many of your friends and acquaintances already know. I wonder how your employer would take it or maybe you're retired? 


    If you are miserable, you have to do something. Your children are adults.  They do their own life. You could lose them but if you did, I don't think there was much about a good relationship anyway.


    I feel a bit lonely in answering this question, caringdad. I hope my words did offend you. I hope you'll respond. 

    eggplant

    It will be very sad for his wife and children. He's most likely been keeping a double sex life. Do you know what they do to each other?
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Everyone knows what they do to each other. Not all have anal sex though. It will be sad for his wife and kids, I'm sure. But he gave up a lot for this family he helped create because society demanded this. Go be upset with those who said he could not be gay in this world.
    itsmee

    Of course I meant to say “I hope my words didn’t offend you” I feel stupid when I make a typo like that. Excuse me.

    To eggplant: Oh, I know. Of course!

    Colleen: I am upset with those who said he could not be gay in this world. I guess your comment was directed to eggplant. Just wanted to get that straight.

    Absolutely, just live it best way you can. At 67 live it up while you can.

    Have you been having sex with boys and men while you were married? I find that concept disgusting, considering what you do to each other. You might have exposed your wife to all kinds of dangers. Have you thought about that? I have no pity for you at all. Why did you get married in the first place? You should have told your wife before you married.

    Ducky

    Moderator
    I'm not sympathizing with him, but when he got married, it was a subject that wasn't even discussed. I believe it was thought that to marry, was as good as "a cure".
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Because an ignorant society forced him into this. Society shares the blame you are trying to drop on him alone. Boys are for pedophiles, not homosexuals. Please do not mix the two. They are distinctly different. We also do not know if he ever cheated on his wife.

    I sympathize with him because I know how I would feel if I had felt forced into living a lie. I know the misery I would have lived because of it. The choice he made was not as easy to make as you are trying to make it Eggplant.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    " I believe it was thought that to marry, was as good as "a cure".

    This is 100% true Ducka. That is what was believed.
    FISH-O

    He is 67 years old Eggie... I am betting dollars to doughnuts he's a good man. I hope he comes back to tell the tale.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Umbriel, when I need to know about something, I research it. I know as much as I need to know about pedophilia. Your extra was more than I cared to know. Please, I'm not so interested that I needed a history lesson from you. I am hard pressed to find compassion for a dead man. Sorry. I know you can not understand this as your world is filled with the dead but I prefer to keep with the living, thanks.

    Yes, I am sure the world is more accepting now, especially other parts of the world like the far east.  Perhaps they are more secure about their sexuality over there.  Therefore, I believe there's a good chance your children already know and are accepting of the situation. 


     

    Ducky

    Moderator
    I agree..."more accepting" but a long, long way from truly accepting, don't you think?
    Chiangmai

    I agree as pertains to the western society. Men here tend to be really paranoid about their manhood and often seek gay people to degrade or abuse.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Seeking out people to beat up, is just plain bizarre, no matter your thinking on ANY subject.
    Chiangmai

    Test my theory: American men get so paranoid if you discuss male/male intimacy. It gets even more pathetic if a man physically touches another man here.

    @ Ducka, I agree with you.

    http://www.coming-out-of-the-closet.com/

    If I understand you correctly, you are not sure if you should continue on in personal unhappiness or endure the agony of enlightening your family of your true orientation and try to move through that.  Definitely the latter is the hardest initially,  but it will set you free to be your true self eventually. The other choice is not so difficult,  not shock and wounding,  but it is a life sentence.  "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger".   Yes, it is extremely difficult to come forth to loved ones with this kind of information, but it is the truth, and in the end truth is gracious as it tends to even and smooth things and feelings out to be accepted and dealt with. You just have to have the strength to follow through for a time.  Best of luck and support for you.

    It all depends on your circumstances. Total honesty with your family is the key.It wont be easy, and might take some time for your family to come to terms with this.

    I feel sorry for you because it won't be good whatever you do.

    Colleen

    Moderator
    I feel sorry for you because of your close mindedness on the subject. You would wish unhappiness on him by thinking he should not live his life as the gay man he was born to be. You are sad and judgmental. You can not make the call that it will not be good for him no matter what he does. It will be good for him to finally be free and live who he was born to be. A 67 year old man does not just wake up one day and say, I think I'll go gay just for kicks. He was born this way, God made him this way. It takes a very closed off mind to not see this.
    Headless Man

    Ok, as you have said he will lose a lot of friends and maybe family if he comes out, thats bad. If he stays quite then again according to you he won't be happy.
    How am I being judgmental, I'm the one being honest, I didn't wish anything on him.
    Your the one closed minded.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Please preacher man, you know what you meant. EVERYONE knows what you meant. I did not say he would lose a lot of friends or family over this.
    Headless Man

    I can't make an honest answer without your sarcasm and name calling, do I bother you?


    Top contributors in Family & Relationships category

     
    Benthere
    Answers: 5 / Questions: 1
    Karma: 16290
     
    jhharlan
    Answers: 120 / Questions: 1
    Karma: 15135
     
    Ducky
    Answers: 92 / Questions: 1
    Karma: 13485
     
    Bob/PKB
    Answers: 113 / Questions: 8
    Karma: 13405
    > Top contributors chart

    Unanswered Questions

    441792
    questions
    709897
    answers
    512663
    users