29 Answers

Never be submissive like that. You are 50% of the marriage. Claim your standing. 

Colleen

I'm sure you can figure it out. Any kind of submissive that means you have to just back down and obey.

It means that all the decions and rules in your marriage are made by your husband and you have no voice in anything he decides to do.

Colleen

Might as well live in a cave.

Colleen

That's not being submissive Jenn. That's being supportive.

Don,t even go there.

This means he can boss you around.......

It means he WILL do what he wants to you, however, whenever, and whatever. It can be physically, or mentally. Do you own a gun.

Something you shouldnt be.People wipe thier feet on doormats

You are equal! Don't let the husband decide your life! Together means sharing!

If  I had a wife  I'd  want her as my lifes partner not my underling

the right submissive means you both work on decisions together,  but if on some decision can not be agreed upon he will make the final decision...........but he also with that will take the most  responsbility of the decision.      

from the Bible , it would mean , GOD is head  of man and woman.....   the man is head of his household ( meaning responsbile).      The man and woman in a marriage are equal

Colleen

Pffft, from what you said, you are saying the man is god in his house. Outdated and and repulsive to any woman who has an ounce of self respect. Both partners should be gods in their house. The woman more than the man as she works harder and handles more than any man ever will in a marriage. Even if the wife stays home and the man goes to work, the wife still works harder and has more responsibilities within the home.

Colleen

Summer doesn't need prayer, just a husband who does not think he is lord and master over her. I'm not putting negative actions into marriages that haven't always been there historically with men believing they should hold the reins only while the "little woman" takes care of all his needs.

Colleen

I do see that God is above man, I just don't think Summer is being abused. She's probably just been told by her church that she needs to be submissive to her husband because he is lord and master.

Colleen

I can agree it's the wrong church as it was for my mother when they told her the same thing. She left the church.

Colleen

I imagine there's some kind of logic in that......I think the good folk are seeing exactly what is going on. If some women want to just obey their lord and master that's on them, it does not sound to me that Summer wants to do this which is why she asked about it. If it's not natural enough to her to not know what it means, then she is just not that type of woman. Sounds like she has a backbone.

Being submissive means being a doormat. He'll walk all over you!

I totally agree with Mr. Den. After both parties have expressed their opinion on an issue that has to do with important issues such as finances. Someone ultimately has to make a decision, that decision in my totalitarian household is mine.

Colleen

Wow, I kind of feel for your wife. Why would you treat her like a dog? I would never have expected this from you Ed. You just seemed so much more fair minded and reasonable than this. So because it works for you, it doesn't matter how anyone else in your world feels? I bet your wife cries a lot when you're not looking.

Ducky

I've noticed ed, that you are quite contradictory in your remarks about your wife. You claim (in other posts) to love her more now than when you met and so on. In this comment however, "I'm the boss...you do what I say...or else"! is what comes across to me. I would LOVE to sit down and have a coffee with your wife. Would she have your permission?

Colleen

Maybe I fail to see the dilemmas of a straight marriage because in my relationships it is two women coming together and making decisions together. There's no man claiming his "manly right" according to the laws of other men making the demand that it's his way or the highway. In my relationships we would find a way to compromise but neither was lord and master making the ultimate decision irregardless of how the other felt just to get the matter settled.

I would never ever dream of telling someone I love "I don't have time to sit on my ass and wait for [you] too see things my way. I have spoken. Period. There's the door."

This should hurt any feeling woman. Maybe your wife has just become immune to you and your little boy tantrums. Because that's what I see in that statement you posted. A little boy stamping his feet and demanding. I still feel for your wife. I have to wonder how many times you've broken her heart with your apparent callousness. "My way or the highway baby! My way or the highway!
Personally, I would leave.

I still like you Ed and whether you know it or not, you're a popular member here because people see you so differently than the words you posted here. I am still amazed, shocked, stunned that you would say such a thing. You do not show that in any of your other answers or comments. You do not strike me as the chauvinist that type of thinking belongs to. Maybe you didn't mean it the way it sounds.

Colleen

No one called you any of those things. As a matter of fact I said you are NOT like that, at least not that I/we see on this forum. This is why I was so surprised to see you say "there's the door". I said you are not a chauvinist in any of your other posts. No one called you a wife beater or a tyrant.

I wish I had a big bowl of JELL-O right about now but I must get ready for work. (*~*)

Colleen

I'll have some jello in your honor :)

Have you ever seen two dogs meet?  They sniff around each other and growl and sniff, and wag their tails.  Occasionally, one may try to initiate a fight by snapping or growling louder.  If the other dog lays on its back and exposes its genitalia and neck to the other dog, it is being submissive....kind of saying, "OK, man.  Whatever you want. You're the man."  
THAT is submissive...acquiescing to one who exerts pressure or power.  
We tend to think of submissive as meek and weak, taken advantage of, and as a victim.  It is generally a negative thing.  It doesn't have to be.  There are all kinds of circumstances. 

Colleen

We're not animals. We do not have to roll over and show our genitalia just because someone thinks we should. No one should have to be submissive to another. Submissive is a negative until one tries to find a way to make it a positive so they can just deal with having their thoughts, wants and desires constantly vetoed.

Colleen

I did not make a vulgar suggestion. I repeated your words. I found your illustration vulgar.

Colleen

Bob, I took nothing from this answer other than what you wrote which still makes no sense. Everything you wrote is still here. As for the other, nothing was distorted. We are not animals. Please do not continue to try and educate me on being a moderator. I've been doing this since April. The developers and admin both like how I moderate. Here I commented as a member. I'm allowed that. Take your complaints about me to the admin. They will not acknowledge on forum complaints about their moderators.

That bit in the Bible demonstrates that angry, woman hating priests, who nearly made nuns wear Burkas in denial of their humanity, wrote in their demand for subordinate submission to brutish men and remain uneducated. The Pope owes women reparations and compensation for foisting this crap on all women.

It would mean for me that you lack the confidence to have an opinion or express your wishes when decisions are being made, I personally couldn't be a doormat for anyone. I have an opinion and so does everyone else, they also have a right to express it and be heard, others need to respect that.

It means everything that people on this site have said.  To add a bit to that, being submissive would be a great thing for men and maybe women, if IF, the man honored the woman in his actions and deeds.  Very often the one with the power takes advantage.  Very often the person you trusted misleads and mistreats.  Very often thoughout history and even now, women who submit to men are very often treated like an animal.  Very little thought to how the woman feels regarding what the husband says or does is even considered.   If any woman that totally submits to a man and get any respect, please let us know.

The dictionary defines submissive as giving in or tending to give over your authority to another. The bible was written by mysoginists and demanded a wife to be submissive to her master. It's a definate Master/Slave relationship. Even the men that wrote the Declaration of Independance were pleaded by thier wives to add something about women not having to be submissive to thier husbands, for every man would be a cruel master if they could be. Martin Luther considered himself a loving husband, even though he admitted to giving his wife a good box on the ear when she needed. The famous saying, "The Rule of Thumb" meant that a husband could not beat his wife with anything larger than his thumb. Appartently using anything larger would be considered to be too cruel - imagine that!  I'm of the belief that being submissive has not proven to be of any benefit to womankind, or humankind for that matter. There is a good book to read that brings up this issue if you're interested. The Woman's Encylopedia of Myths and Secrets, by Barbara G. Walker. It explains how life used to be before a certain point in time and how it has changed and why it changed. A good read and more importantly, and good study, in fact - a must read for every woman.

Summer:   Don't let these other Turkeys mislead you.  It means you would be a very bright , sweet and wonderful wife.

Now get to work and when you get home get the house cleaned and dinner ready.

Colleen

Please refrain from name calling.
She would not have the respect of her husband if she does not have a backbone. He would probably just end up cheating on her with a woman who does have a backbone.
Being king of the house is lonely.

Being submissive to your husband generally means that you will honor all of his demands, no questions asked, no hesitation.  If he wants you to make him breakfast at 3 AM, you will do so.  If he takes that breakfast and throws it to the ground and tells you to make him another meal immediately, you will do so. 
If he tells you that you will wear a certain outfit in a certain way, you will do so, even if you feel embarrassed or humiliated by doing so.  In the bedroom, he will have his way with you, whether you want his advances or not.  
These are extreme examples of submission to your husband,  Often, a person is submissive out of fear.  
Personally, I like the way desert_prence has explained submissive as pertaining to the Bible. Unfortunately, modern day submission is quite different.
Another example would be blurting out military secrets to your captors to get them to stop torturing you or a fellow soldier.  You submit to their will  (give in to their demands) out of fear.

Summer46,, Please find someone you trust  and tell them what is going on............Here on this web site we do not know enough about your life and we should not.............DO NOT BE ABUSED AT YOUR HOME!!!!   PERIOD !!

First .. It is a reference from the Bible.

It says Women be submissive to your husbands..THEN it says Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church. Now  to put it simply Christ never degraded, humiliated, cursed at , hit, hurt, or made them feel like they werent loved . No instead he showed them how much they meant to him by giving the ultimate sacrafice.. his life. Christ loved them, nurtured them, fed them , taught them. So if a husband does his job the way God asks, then a woman has no problem doing hers by being submissive. A man doing right would never tell her to do anything that wasnt right or good for her . As God allows man to have free will woman do to and both are held accountable. So if a man tells his wife to do something ungodly he will be held accountable by God.   The Bible  says God holds the man of the house (the husband )responsable for any failures that happen in the home. finances, children straying from God, marriage problems etc. He also says at the head of woman is man and at the head of man is God/Christ.  so man must obey God ("must "meaning if you chose to live by the Bible)

Colleen

SUPPORT your husband but NEVER do the negative and submit like a dog as was so "eloquently" pointed out here.

I have read all the answers and I think that if you are submissive to your partner its like walking around on eggshells yo are frightened not to speak up or let him hear yor voice Woman need to stand up to thier partners my great Nanny fought for the womans liberation equial rights please dont let her down You must stand Up for what You belive your Partner should respect you and you should also respect your partner when you are in a relation ship remember you are both equal

The first thing that should be asked is what religion do you follow?

What country do you come from?

Is this question stemming from your heritage or religion ... how you were raised?

If something does not feel right to you, then it is correct to question.  When you are asking a question you probably would receive more pertanant information if you were to submit a few more details.  Giving advise when the entire picture has not been painted could actually cause you grief.

Honestly, I think the exact meaning of the word would depend on what context it was used in, as in different usage it could have varying meanings which carry different connotations. There are many aspects of married life that the word could be applied, which is not so intertwined with religous doctrines. If you define the word submissive through religion, the definition is skewed, and doesn't necessarily allow you to attain a working understanding of anything outside that usage. For example: I could be submissive to my wife's sexual advances some night, and that not be all so much a bad thing. But, perhaps be somewhat more of being an understanding husband to her. If a person respects and values themself, one particular instance doesn't necessarily mean I have to be a slave to someone else, nor should I or you be. Do you see what I'm getting at? 

summer46, I'm not sure why you've asked this question but you've received a great deal of good information to base an answer upon. My hope is that you are not being abused by anyone and if you are, then please know that there is alot of help you can receive if you need it. Wishing you the very best.

Maybe I should give a bitt of insite  . I was married 12 years when he no longer could hold his end of the marriage (in more ways than one) I walked away with a clean conscience, It takes a very strong woman to support her husband as it takes a very strong man to take care of her . That makes the balance work. If you think I stuck around to be a doormat, or a punching bag you are sadley mistaken about me. I'm not that Girl. I took my kids ans started over and made it . I still believe if he would have done his part the marriage may not have failed. Was I completley inocent ... please ... I am not so vain to say such a thing.But I can say I stayed faithful, I supported him, I cooked, I cleaned, I worked, and took care of the kids, plus more. I am proud to say I am a strong enough woman to be able to do it. It was by choice, because there was a balance. When that balance was shifted it didnt take long for everything to come crashing down. So many of you see being a submissive wife as a weekness yet you dont consider the streangth it takes to do it.

NO again NO i dont mean being a doormat or a punching bag .  I have never tollerated that kind of behavior nor could I fall in love with a man that did such things. I would pack up and leave ....oh wait ...thats just what I did!

You can take it in so many ways but the outcome will be the same YOU WILL ANSWER TO GOD ( if this is your believe)  and he will handle you accordingly . As Jenn said I meant in no way does God exspect you to be treated in such a way. He said to do as christ did and if you do your job correct you will die a gruesome death to show your love for her. If you dont you failed in Gods Eyes. Good thing he is graceouse ....huh?

IN the biblical sense, it means let him be head of the house hold.....or at least, let  him THINK he is.And it means, when he wants to have sex with you, ----have sex ! .. We're not talking about a cave man rape here. We're just saying , don't always say, '' Not tonight, dear. I have a head ache ''

Colleen

If a woman is not in the mood, then she is not in the mood. No one should have to be a sex slave. Even if it's not "rape". If she wants to say no, then she can and it should be respected. The bible is so wrong on so many things. This being one of them. Women did not fight for equal rights only to have to still play servant to a man's sexual needs.

How does anyone here even know what religion if any Summer follows? You people are just assuming she believes in the bible or is a Christian.

Sura 4;34 of the Koran states ' Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because God has guarded them. As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them, forsake them in beds apart, and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them. Surely God is high, supreme.'

It would be interesting to hear comments from recent converts to Islam on the above.