16 Answers

No middle ground there P, you are you, she is what she is, until she realises what she is doing to herself, your son, their kids, there is always going to be conflict, you just have to hope she comes to her senses,which I know from personal experience is very difficult, you should let your son know that he really should be using some form of contraception,best wishes with you and yours...R.

Unfortunately addiction will always come first,these little grandchildren of yours will be put on the back burner,whilst this woman merrily goes about her daily intake of drugs.I am amazed that child welfare hasn't stepped in and removed the children.You may have to alert the authorities yourself,you owe it to these babies to ensure they have the best possible care,if they remain in such an environment all sorts of phsycological problems develop.As for exchanging pleasantries with this woman,you don't,you tell her exactly how it is,that she is a worthless/selfish  parent, and if she doesn't get her act together,you will do everything in your power to ensure the children are removed from her care.I am a grandmother myself and i took drastic measures to ensure my grandson was not subjected to an alcoholic parent (my daughter)that is why he lives with me.Sorry your new year has started off with the worries of your grandchildren,it will always be like this whilst there is an addict in the family,my worries never stop with my daughter,but at least i know my little grandson is away from all the drama.

hopefully the'll grow up and realize what a wonderful grandma they have, sorry about you'r previous losses , but look ahead to the grand child you got on the way... blesssings upon your reunited son..

Bob/PKB I agree with pythonlover, though I know that removing children from parents is viewed as a last ditch option and is never taken until all other possibilities have been implemented and failed, but should you proceed and involve authorities  (and I know if they were my grandchildren  I would) you could perhaps offer some help with these children whilst she gets help for herself.She must surely see that children are unable to continue to have a life in an existence like that

KOTF beat me to the punch.There ain't no middle ground.She sounds like a real loser.I feel sorry for you Bob,to have a thing like that for the mother of your grand children. I feel sorry for the kids too.What chance have those poor little buggers got with a mother like that to look up to? I guess it will be up to you to step up to the plate when the mother fails in her parenting. My #1 rule in life, KIDS COME FIRST!!!  Good luck with it & for what it's worth, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Tommy.

My experience with folk who can’t be bothered about quitting their addiction calls for locking the valuables in storage and the key in a safety deposit box. The best place to meet with them is in Narcotics Anonymous meeting. So is your son enabling her behavior?

While you may not have the power to change you can allways tollerate and love. Best wishes to you and all yours.

Hopfully soon she will come to mature and realize her responsibility

I envy your desire to help in this unfortunate situation. I would at this point have zero compassion for her or the son. The child, well it is sad. How many trips through life were you promised? More than one? You offer help to loved ones, should they turn their back too you, F***'em. Life is too short and precious too waste on ungrateful people. Sounds cold I know. My life being consumed by your self created, misguided misery, no way.

Tough situation...not much that I can add.   Best of luck but remember, THEY caused this life that they are living, YOU  did not.  So sad that kids get caught in the middle and have to pay for the rest of THEIR lives!   :(

I feel sorry for the kids, b/c they're going to have learning problems. Now days, investagators say that if a preg woman drinks EVEN a small amount of alchohol, it can create learning problems in the future child. I'm sure it's ditto for the preg woman smoking cigs, marijuana, crack, and ingesting any other drugs and chemicals.

Addiction is so much more complicated than a simple habit-NA/AA can help alot along with Alanon/Naranon for the non-users in the family (a group like these may be a place of understanding  and learning for you) My prayers to all of you- especially the kids who were subjected to meth the entire pregnancy.  Their mental development will probably, and very sadly, be effected.  Before you take these grand kid into your home I suggest you find out about "meth kids" so you are aware of what is to come.

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I would stay good with Mom. She might withhold the children from you. Those children are going to need you. 

I can’t sleep. Lord it’s 5:30 AM. I’ll read the messages tomorrow.

Yvonne57

itsmee, thankfully, there are grandparent's visitation laws now so she can't keep the children from Bob. What's with the insomnia?
r/yvonne57

Addictions can only be overcome when the want for change comes sincerely from within the addict, and even then it is not always so easy. About all you can do, is stay focused on what is best for the children. Unfortunately, when your son goes to jail for 8 months, she runs an even higher risk of running amuck even more. But hopefully, she cares enough for the children, to realize the risk her addiction poses to her children's well being. You have to be careful in not making her feel threatened by your presence or offer to take the children, but let her know that you have a willingness and interest in seeing the well being of the children is being met. Unfortunately, many addicts see their children as a source of income from the state, and this could very well be the sticking point . In that instance, perhaps some compromise might be the only solution that wouldn't alienate you and the mother. Avoiding barriers manifested by virtue of alienation, is key to your ultimate objective. Offers to help and suggestions put across in a gentle way, will gain you more results than anything that could be construed as a threat to her.

Using people is somewhat of an ingrained thing in active addicts, as feeding their addiction usually takes priority over everything else. But, be careful not to be taken advantage of by her either...as addicts are good at that! After you have attained physical custody of the children, speak with a lawyer who specializes in family matters. There you might stand a chance of seeking a protective order for the children...and ultimately obtain custody. But make sure you have all your ducks in a row, and can unquestionably substantiate anything you claim...this is of paramount importance. I say this, in that unless you can unquestionably substantiate anything you say, custody is typically decided with the biological mother. Unless of course, she is proven in a court of law, to be an unfit mother creating risks to the well being of the children.  Unfortunately, this is the only advice I can give you, as we live in a world where we need to make the system work for us, and it is not always a flawless system.

Bob, my daughter just had her 4th child.  The 1st two are with their paternal grandparents and are doing wonderfully.  #3 was a methadone baby as was #4.  Seems she just keeps having them even though BC is available and free.  I have cried my heart out until there are no more tears left.  I have come to accept who my daughter is since I cannot change her or anything she does.  I will say prayers for you.  Don't beat yourself up.  You have to be whole for the children.   regards/yvonne57

Ducky

Sad to watch while not being able to do one thing about it. Such heartache. :(