13 Answers

That's positively too much information & completely ICKY. And don't try to tell me you weren't snooping.LOL

Reminiscing the good times he had with you by mimicking historical activities via his right hand?

Your husband may be masturbating in bed.  It doesn't have anything to do with who sleeps on what side of the bed.   That's most likely what's going on in there, in which case you can rest assured there's not someone else sleeping in his bed.  Please make note of the fact he is kind of a pig if he hasn't washed the bedsheets in two months.  
Whether or not he is spending time in someone else's bed is another question.  Either way, it may behoove the two of you to try and reconcile your differences, start having a "normal" spousal relationship, and wash the sheets weekly, more often, as needed.  

Like Tommyh  said, TMI and ICKY. 

May need bladder control or at least "CONTROL" of Ms. PALM-ER and her 5 sisters????  ASK YOUR HUSBAND "WHAT'S-UP"?

How should I put this..."self- sex"

I would say he needs to change his sheets more. Personally I probably would not have touched them. Ewww. Glad he's your husband. He should be a grown up and do some cleaning.  Hope he remembers to shower more than he remembers to change his sheets.

He may be missing you............................start to rebuild your relationship with each other...............I'm sure both of you are sorry for the time away from each other.......DO NOT MAKE THIS A BIG ISSUE................your relationship with each other is more important......IF there is a medical problem you both need to tackle it together.............................

What color are the 'spots'?

Could be "Tear drops "or he is pissing himself laughing maybe you have worn him out.

I'm leaving to find another "roads" question.   How far is it from LaLa Land to the Zoo, just as an example.

I realize that only a few of you could possibly know what I'm talking about.   :)

I must say that this is a very unusual question to post ... thank goodness you went upstairs ...  can you imagine how hideous things may have been if you had left it a little longer? 

It is far too gross to think about.

He's either missing you or else he is not.........

Definitely sounds like "pecker tracks".