3 Answers

Bluesman is probably not going to agree with me, but anyway, Jenn, this is what I think:

First of all, love is something ALL people deserve and need, and probably your niece has a serious deficit here that is leading her onto the wrong way in life. Being nice or giving love is the right thing to do - as long as you don't destroy yourself in order to do so. Jenn, I have read many of your contributions on this site and I have the impression you are often under great emotional stress, your life doesn't seem to be easy. So whatever you do for your niece - and God bless you for it - don't let it suck your vital energy out of you.

Your niece has grown up in a dysfunctional family, and if she doesn't get relevant changes into her life, she'll pay for it during her entire existence. Sending her to a school for juvenile delinquents is putting her on the path of social precariousness - she won't improve there because her teachers will treat her like a little criminal and her companions will display the same destructive behavioural patterns as she herself is developing. Also, who will ever give her a job with that kind of institution figuring in her cv? It may sound radical, but I believe your niece needs to get out of her surroundings as soon as possible, and get somewhere where she receives positive feedback for her skills and for who she is, and where she learns to relate to others not by being violent or offensive, but by actually being social. I don't know whether there are any accessible boarding schools in your country (the US?) - and I mean ANYWHERE in your country, even if it were thousands of miles away. Or whether there are study programs for young people where they get some kind of diploma that they can start their adulthood and professional life on? What I mean to say is: your niece needs surroundings where she is challenged to be responsible, to cooperate with others and where she develops skills or acquires knowledge that improve her self-esteem and that give her something to live on later. You can even send her away for a year of social work in India or wherever... she needs to learn respect for herself and for other humans, and how to value her time. Those are things she won't learn where she is now. She needs to be somewhere else completely, and on her own so she'll recognize how important it is to be able to coexist and cooperate with others. 

As for your niece's dad - I don't think you can expect him to suddenly take up contact with his daughter and be the loving father she would have needed. His decision shows that he is not capable of healthy affective behaviour.

Talk to your niece's mom, see what ideas she is willing to put into practise. This can be a positive or a negative turning point in your niece's life. Think well about the next step and its consequences for your niece and for the emotional state of the family. And remember to take good care of yourself, too.

My best wishes,

Papitou

I have to say as teen , they all make really bad decisions one way or the other. I don't doubt the 18 year old was bullying and your niece had enough and snapped. Unfortunately being in the teen years I constantly witness my son make bad decisions because he lives so much in the moment and consequences just don't occur to him until they start to happen. I sadly have to say that there may not be a lot of picking her up now that she has fallen. I do agree that you could talk to a lawyer and gather witness statements but the underlying fact is she still reacted without thinking. I have been told to back up and let my son pick himself up more when he falls and no matter how hard , thats what has to be done.

You get chances in life and it it appears you gave her one. When you reach a point in your life where kicking some one in the head is what you do ,then there are other problems. When you do things like this society will remove you from the mainstream and keep you from others. Rightfully so !!!!!!!! We are each responsible for our actions and deeds ,if this has earned her a trip to the jail school so be it . I wonder if they have school dances and proms there ,point is when you do stupid stuff then you live a stupid life without the nice things  others enjoy. As to the mom job is irrevelant judge will say you care for the child first and find a job that matches these needs . You are in a tough spot and in reality all the help you have given is a huge gift and it dont seem like its appericated . You are allowing others to escape their responsibilities while you carry the load ,sorry but I think thats just plain stupid. Dads new wife is a stupid interfering bitch,what right does she have to release a dad of his responsibilites . LOL tell that to the judge in family court please tell me how that went I need a good laugh !!!!!!! Dad needs to man up grow a pair and stop being nooky whipped and start participating in his childs life. Mom needs to make that job and her child fit together  and get some hands on time with this child . You need to step back and give your own life some priority find some happiness and give the responsibilty for this childs life to those who are responsible for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right or wrong this is my opinion you opened the door and asked for it so here it is . Life is slowly beating the nice out of me ,so this is a position I dont ever belive Ill be in . Sometimes being nice just plain sucks,most people dont deserve it.