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    Can you have sex with a friend and still maintain the friendship?

    How do you do that? 

    +14  Views: 3559 Answers: 38 Posted: 11 years ago
    Bob/PKB

    Thank you to everyone who contributed an answer to this question. I think Jenn's answer was the best one for me, mostly because I can be friends because that's how I felt in the first place.
    I still see this man, as we share an activity (not sex) on a weekly basis. He thinks everything is the same, but it's not. I sincerely miss the friendship we had.
    Again, thank you everyone!
    georgewill

    If he thinks it's the same, why does it have to be different? Because you put too much thought into it. (Women tend to overthink a lot.) It was a (supposedly) fun time for both of you and now it's over. Forget about it and resume your freindship. (Just curious, why did the sex end? If he ended it, ask him why.)) Friends with benefits can work too, you know.
    Bob/PKB

    I asked this question well over a year ago, georgewill. It's behind me now. FWB isn't what I want for myself.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Note: This question from four years ago, has been more than sufficiently answered and is now locked. Thank you for your understanding. Moderator Ducky.

    38 Answers (1-30 Displayed)

    I think weman can do this. For men it is a hit it and quit it kind of affair. After they saticfy their curiousity they are no longer interested.


    I have tried twice with the same result. I lost 2 very good friends.

    mycatsmom

    Jenn, how long have you been married ?
    Jenn

    17 years.... This was before I was married.
    AldeWicht

    lol wemen XD
    itsmee

    tsk tsk Aldewicht

    sure i have sex with my best friend for the last 25 years, my wife...

    itsmee

    Yep ... Me too.
    Daren ... I didn't mean with YOUR wife.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Glad that you two have that one clarified!!
    daren1

    had me worried , now it's the milkman i got to look out for..
    itsmee

    or someone in the midtown market, daren. : )

    I think it would be very uncomfortable for both of you once you crossed that line.

    Bob/PKB

    Ann, you are right. At least for me, I have had an underlying uncomfortable feeling and sadness at the damage done to the platonic part of our friendship way more than the sex part. But Jenn's answer really leaves me with no doubt.

    NOPE

    itsmee

    Clear ... easy to understand ... and I think you are right. So right.

    I can only speak for myself. For me it wouldn't work. I don't have many friends (real friends). I would never compromise a friendship for a roll in the rack. We've all had opportunities. There's also a moral issue here as well.  

    zorro

    Ive been waiting for your answer here Ed. Right on.
    ed shank

    Thanx zorro.
    Bob/PKB

    Wish I'd have asked the question beforehand. Your assessment is valuable.

    No it doesn't work.

    I don't think so    why !  because to me  once sex is involved  the rules of the game  change

    michmar118

    Very True!!!

    yes as long as keep having sex, friendship ends when sex stops. Think about it.

    Bob/PKB

    I see your point.

    I'm sorry it didn't work out for you Bob/PKB.  Were your expectations too high afterward?  Did you expect it to go further?  You left yourself wide open (no pun intended) to be hurt by thinking that maybe it could be more.  You had all these fantasies before you made love and now the whole ugly truth is out there, warts and all.  Take it as a lesson learned.  Be yourself next time you see him and move on.  No need to beat yourself up any longer.  Take Care yvonne57

    Bob/PKB

    Hi Yvonne57! Actually my expectations were that we would enjoy having sex once in awhile. We agreed that as long as it didn't affect our friendship, we'd try it. He started it and he stopped it. I did not expect or want anything serious with him (not a good prospect and almost 15 years younger than me). We still do stuff together, but the real intimacy (not the physical) feels gone, and I miss that more than the sex. I am always cheerful and friendly when we are together and keep my hurt well-hidden. Thank you for your thoughtful response.

    They call it.... "Friends with Benefits".

    mycatsmom

    good plug for that movie that's out now.

    Not only do I think it's not very possible for someone you are intimate with to still be a friend, but also I don't think it's practical for someone you once were intimate with to be a good friend thereafter.


     

    Bob/PKB

    I think you are probably right. It is getting harder to feel good about this "friend'. I really enjoyed the friendship; it was very close. WAS.
    Poppy3

    There is such a thing as mutual feelings - like Jenn said maybe some men see this differently and do not have the same priorities.

    not a good idea. Someone's going to get hurt.

    i think sex is a very private and intimate thing between 2 people.that should be treated with the utmost respect.which means caring about how the other person feels.

    Bob/PKB

    Guess I'll hold out for an adult next time.
    franklin5

    good idea bob....

    Sex + friendship = relationship.

    Bob/PKB

    TOUCHE. What better way to "ruin" a friendship!
    Someone once told me, "Friends you keep; lovers you lose".
    Thinking we should choose our lovers carefully. Relationships often dissolve where friendships live til death do you part.
    Papitou

    Well, that depends on the case. Sometimes the relationship lasts forever and brings a new, loving family into this world. It all depends on what you make of things.
    Poppy3

    I think the order is confusing some here - Papitou - lovely name.

    Be cautious and accept the possibility that sleeping with your friend might fracture or end your friendship, is it worth it? On the other hand such action might mark the beginning of a beautiful, premanent romance, good luck!

    Yvonne57

    Moderator
    Hello missactive, seems like you are new here? Nice comment. Glad to have you on board. regards/yvonne57
    missactive

    Thank you Yvonne57 for your welcome greeting, forgive my delayed response, its taken a while to find my way around!

    never end good lost a very good friend like that once wont ever do it agin

    Bob/PKB

    Really appreciate your input. You've been there and done that. Thank you for sharing.

    When I was single this came up quite a few times but I just couldn't imagine getting naked with a friend.  That would change everything...just too strange.  What if I found out about something I didn't want to know or worse...what if they did?

    Poppy3

    FISH-O - Just so funny - this is the way it can work - you like, you don't like - it's just physical.

    Your lover can become your friend,  but your friend cannot become your lover, ........................if you want to keep a true friend.

    Bob/PKB

    Yep. We are still friends, but I have a problem with it. I keep so much inside me and build passive resentment. Eventually I am the one who will walk away from this relationship. Too bad.

    it is possible. But I do believe that the sex part always comes up between a guy and a girl.  Some of the best sex I have had was with a girl that was a friend first. And the longer we were friends before the sex, the better the sex was.

    Bob/PKB

    My best relationships have been with men who were friends first. Nine years with one and 17 with the other. (married the second one and had three children)

    usually when  a woman says she wants to be friends with a man, that means she DOESN'T want to have sex with him.

    Jenn

    I have been married for 17 years... Why do you ask? The "friends" were before I was married. But I still miss them.
    Poppy3

    mycatsmom - this is true - there has to be some chemistry there - but we can still be friends.

    There is a technique that I use to be as close to another person as sex can bring you but without sex.You don’t even have to remove your clothing. Place your right hand palm in the center of the other persons chest and with your left hand guide the right hand palm to the center of your chest. The change hands. It’s simple but effective. The degree if intimacy achieved by this technique is  shocking if you have not done this before, or have lived without touching anyone. Sufi dances have this as part of their getting-to-know-you circle dance…so if you are familiar with this you know.

    mycatsmom

    Robert, who are the ''sufi '' ?
    robertgrist

    I like religion and have studied many. Sufi is mystic Islam. The site I choose is nicely factual on the subject.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sufism
    mycatsmom

    I have studied many religions too, and all signs keep pointing back to Christianity ,b/c it is the only religion that teaches you how to love and be loved. It teaches you that God loves you and to forgive your enemies, just like the Lord in heaven has forgiven you.
    robertgrist

    We agree. Christianity does not seek to formularize religion or produce precise guidelines as other belief systems do. But then too, every religion on the planet has been crudely hacked into acceptable forms to such an extent that it is often difficult to comprehend the motivation or intent of the original writers.
    Poppy3

    robertgrist - Wow, that is amazing, I have to pass this on and look into it, thankyou.

    Yes, if  you truly like each other first and have know each other a long time.

    franklin5

    i don,t get your thinking on this,,,yvonne57

    " I can maintain anything while having sex."

    Bob/PKB

    Love the double meaning.
    PANDA

    "Thank-you."
    Poppy3

    I love it too! - easier for a woman I guess.

    think its a line you shouldnt cross,unless you want to lose your friend

    frenship and sex no mix and why anyone in his or her right mind ,want to even consider or even thing about having sex with a friend ,I personally thing NO both sides will loose and then friendship will be lost for sure and at at the end you will have nothing

    Bob/PKB

    You thought this through well. Wish I could say the same for me.

    Wish I,d been here when this was asked, the answer would be a definite NO,no way, NEVER the same.

    Bob/PKB

    I wish I'd asked you before it became an issue, because as far as I am concerned, you are right.
    Poppy3

    ROMOS - Hi - This is entirely dependent on how strong the Friendship was - I feel this can go on and have done this. Hope you and CB are well miss you. Perhaps some men see this from a different perspective, like Jenn suggested.

    My husband and I are good friends. I’m absolutely positive it can happen. 

    Poppy3

    Hello itsmee - I absolutely agree with you.

    I'm sorry for you, we do learn things the hard way sometimes, but we ARE learning!! ; )

    No. I will never fall for that again!

    Bob/PKB

    This question is still getting answers, and as I was scrolling for the newest one, yours popped out at me.
    I have fallen for that line a couple of times, and thought I could handle the FWB relationship. I can't; it's just wrong. I don't want a FWB. I want the whole commitment with another. YOUR answer is the BEST.

    Absolutley, as long as you both know going into it that its NSA (no strings attatched).


    Sometimes  a friend can give you what you need at that moment better than a lover.


     

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