leeroy
Tony the Tiger, Lucky the Leprechaun, and Captn Crunch Sought by the Police for questioning, Huh?
It's true the Government has started a new bureau, the Food Police. Did you ever think you'd see the day your favorite cartoon cereal icons would be on the lamb from the Food Police?
When is enough, enough, must the government be involved in every aspect of or lives, or are we smart enough to make decisions for ourselves?
10 Answers
Colleen
This is why everyone should eat Special K with Strawberries :)
leeroy
Colleen
| 12 years ago. Rating: 7 | |
Yeah, you and Jenn are big fans.
Me, Jenn, Monkey -I miss my buddy :(, and Tommy are all members of the Cereal Killers club, password, Special K with strawberries :)
C.B., are you a member too? I can't remember, lol
C.B., are you a member too? I can't remember, lol
country bumpkin
IamPamela313
There goes the happy meals...snap, crackle and pop!
leeroy
| 12 years ago. Rating: 6 | |
Snap is working at a clothing factory installing snaps on clothing, and teaching self defense at night.
Crackle has gone off the deep end and is now in jail for the possession of cocaine.
Pop fixes flat tires at the gas station around the corner from here.
Crackle has gone off the deep end and is now in jail for the possession of cocaine.
Pop fixes flat tires at the gas station around the corner from here.
daren1
leeroy
Psst, hey kid, come ere. I've got the stuff your looking for, you can't get this in the store anymore. O.k. tony let me see what you've got. Tony shows the kid a box of illegal sugary cereal from under his trench coat. The dark alley behind the bar is a dead end and Tony hasn't a clue that the kid works for the food police and is wearing a wire.
Suddenly the exchange takes place, the waiting F.P.S.T. team, or food Police Swat Team gets the safe word from the undercover kid. "They're Great," the kid shouts. Suddenly they're surrounded by the swat team with guns drawn. The kid runs for cover, as Tony the Tiger is trapped in the dark alley at night.
The F.P. try to restrain Tony with a taser gun running tens of thousands of volts of electricity through his body in an attempt to subdue the assailant. But this only aggravates the tiger, suddenly in a rage, lunging at the agent with razor sharp claws, he incapaciates the agent who shot him with the taser.
Then the bullets fly, Tony is in a dead end alley and runs to the back trying with all his strength to climb the building walls, but he's struck with to many bullets, and is weakened as his sugary dinner is wearing off. The vicious tiger is cornered in the alley as the swat team holds their fire and try's to negotiate the surrender of this vicious food felon.
Tony the Tiger is cornered and bleeding weakened from the loss of blood, he reaches for his box of sugary cereal to get one last blast of energy, the swat teams warns him not to touch it. Tony doesn't listen as they net him, the swat team moves in to restrain him as they take him away to face the long list of charges that will be brought against him.
The injured swat team member is alive, clinging to a picture of his wife and kids in the back of an ambulance, he proclaims we finally got him. It was all worth it, it was all worth it...
Suddenly the exchange takes place, the waiting F.P.S.T. team, or food Police Swat Team gets the safe word from the undercover kid. "They're Great," the kid shouts. Suddenly they're surrounded by the swat team with guns drawn. The kid runs for cover, as Tony the Tiger is trapped in the dark alley at night.
The F.P. try to restrain Tony with a taser gun running tens of thousands of volts of electricity through his body in an attempt to subdue the assailant. But this only aggravates the tiger, suddenly in a rage, lunging at the agent with razor sharp claws, he incapaciates the agent who shot him with the taser.
Then the bullets fly, Tony is in a dead end alley and runs to the back trying with all his strength to climb the building walls, but he's struck with to many bullets, and is weakened as his sugary dinner is wearing off. The vicious tiger is cornered in the alley as the swat team holds their fire and try's to negotiate the surrender of this vicious food felon.
Tony the Tiger is cornered and bleeding weakened from the loss of blood, he reaches for his box of sugary cereal to get one last blast of energy, the swat teams warns him not to touch it. Tony doesn't listen as they net him, the swat team moves in to restrain him as they take him away to face the long list of charges that will be brought against him.
The injured swat team member is alive, clinging to a picture of his wife and kids in the back of an ambulance, he proclaims we finally got him. It was all worth it, it was all worth it...
| 12 years ago. Rating: 5 | |
GUEST COLUMN
Cap'n Crunch, Tony the Tiger on the run from Michelle's Food Police
By Bob Rinearson
For The News-Sentinel
A light mist created an aura around the dimly lit streetlight that provided a luminous glare on the puddles of rainwater that dotted the alleyway below. The night was black, and the air was cool and thick.
Leaning against the outside wall of a bar, dressed in a long trench coat and with his captain's hat pulled low over his eyes was Cap'n Crunch. He had come to this corner of New London trying to lay low, knowing full well that the feds were conducting a massive manhunt for the old cereal sailor.
Just minutes before, the Cap'n had met up with Tony the Tiger on the other side of this wall in a seedy lounge. As they shared a shot of rye, Crunch noticed that the Tiger, once the boldest and most celebrated of the cereal cartoon characters, was showing a lot of wear and tear in his once full and rich orange, white and black striped coat. It now looked mangy, and Crunch thought he saw critters crawling in the fur. Tony's eyes were bloodshot, and he carried the smell of cheap booze.
“So, Tony, you don't look so good,” Crunch probed.
“What do you expect, Cap'n? I've been on the run like you for months now. I'm a desperate tiger, just trying not to be found by that PC queen.”
“You mean?”
“You know exactly who I mean!” yelled Tony the Tiger as he bared his teeth and slammed his huge paw down on the table. “I mean the one and only Michelle Obama! What is it with these presidential spouses? They get their mate elected, and then they start some crusade.”
“Tell me about it. At least Laura Bush pushed people to read. What Michelle wants to do is wipe out an industry,” replied Cap'n Crunch as he pulled his last cigarette from the pack. “Ever since she declared herself the head of the Food Police, those groups have used the children of this nation as pawns in their quest to determine what is correct for kids to eat and what is not. She and those cronies of hers from the Interagency Working Group on Food Marketed to Children, Preliminary Proposed Nutrition Principles to Guide Industry Self-Regulation Efforts.”
“Jeez,” responded the Tiger. “Just in the amount of time to repeat the name of that agency I could have woofed down half a box of Frosted Flakes. The Food Police — look what they've done to us. And don't tell me their methods are going to have any impact whatsoever on child obesity. That's how the liberal PC crowd always plays their hand. They jump on an issue that they shove down everybody's throat and then exploit it with a lot of jibberish research tainted to support their totalitarian views.”
Without looking up, the Tiger then called for another round.
“They are trying to say it's all voluntary, but I'm hearing from my sources that Michelle's goons have already started breaking fingers to get their point across. What about the others?” asked Tony.
“It's not good for any of us,” said Crunch. “Toucan Sam was tazed by Michelle's Goons, and no one has seen him since. They locked up that crazy Cocoa Puffs bird into some asylum. I heard the Keebler elves are on tree arrest. And Michelle herself threatened the M&M characters with a pair of mittens she'd warmed up in a microwave just to prove she could have them melt in her hands. It's crazy, I'm telling you!”
The Tiger shook his head. “Yea, I heard that Count Chocula had a silver stake driven into his heart by Janet Napolitano as he got caught trying to cross over the border. But I have heard the tea party has provided a safehouse in Jersey for Snap, Crackle and Pop. And Lucky the Leprechaun did make it back across the water to Ireland, where he's working as a chef for the IRA.”
The Tiger tossed back his drink and got up to leave. “You listen to me, Crunch, you keep your head down, and for God's sake, don't go back to that ship of yours. You know it's under surveillance by the FDA.”
“We used to feed those kids, often times when parents were working two jobs,” said Crunch. “We were the source of their nutrition. In fact, I knew of a lot of households that if it wasn't for us, there would be nothing else accessible for a kid to eat. It's all just to scare America. I used to think it was the parents' role to provide structure for their children, including what their children ate. How did the government get involved?
“Besides, what's a bowl of strawberries without some Cheerios? And speaking of, the Cheerios Kid was found floating in the Chesapeake Bay,” Crunch said with sadness in his old sailor eyes. “And Tony, I heard that the Trix rabbit was shot yesterday and is being served with rice and a fine white wine to Joe Biden.”
Tony the Tiger turned and hissed, and then in a loud bass growl shouted, “Well, ain't that just grrrreeeeaaaat!” And he walked off into the dark New England night.
Bob Rinearson is a resident of Fort Wayne.
Cap'n Crunch, Tony the Tiger on the run from Michelle's Food Police
By Bob Rinearson
For The News-Sentinel
A light mist created an aura around the dimly lit streetlight that provided a luminous glare on the puddles of rainwater that dotted the alleyway below. The night was black, and the air was cool and thick.
Leaning against the outside wall of a bar, dressed in a long trench coat and with his captain's hat pulled low over his eyes was Cap'n Crunch. He had come to this corner of New London trying to lay low, knowing full well that the feds were conducting a massive manhunt for the old cereal sailor.
Just minutes before, the Cap'n had met up with Tony the Tiger on the other side of this wall in a seedy lounge. As they shared a shot of rye, Crunch noticed that the Tiger, once the boldest and most celebrated of the cereal cartoon characters, was showing a lot of wear and tear in his once full and rich orange, white and black striped coat. It now looked mangy, and Crunch thought he saw critters crawling in the fur. Tony's eyes were bloodshot, and he carried the smell of cheap booze.
“So, Tony, you don't look so good,” Crunch probed.
“What do you expect, Cap'n? I've been on the run like you for months now. I'm a desperate tiger, just trying not to be found by that PC queen.”
“You mean?”
“You know exactly who I mean!” yelled Tony the Tiger as he bared his teeth and slammed his huge paw down on the table. “I mean the one and only Michelle Obama! What is it with these presidential spouses? They get their mate elected, and then they start some crusade.”
“Tell me about it. At least Laura Bush pushed people to read. What Michelle wants to do is wipe out an industry,” replied Cap'n Crunch as he pulled his last cigarette from the pack. “Ever since she declared herself the head of the Food Police, those groups have used the children of this nation as pawns in their quest to determine what is correct for kids to eat and what is not. She and those cronies of hers from the Interagency Working Group on Food Marketed to Children, Preliminary Proposed Nutrition Principles to Guide Industry Self-Regulation Efforts.”
“Jeez,” responded the Tiger. “Just in the amount of time to repeat the name of that agency I could have woofed down half a box of Frosted Flakes. The Food Police — look what they've done to us. And don't tell me their methods are going to have any impact whatsoever on child obesity. That's how the liberal PC crowd always plays their hand. They jump on an issue that they shove down everybody's throat and then exploit it with a lot of jibberish research tainted to support their totalitarian views.”
Without looking up, the Tiger then called for another round.
“They are trying to say it's all voluntary, but I'm hearing from my sources that Michelle's goons have already started breaking fingers to get their point across. What about the others?” asked Tony.
“It's not good for any of us,” said Crunch. “Toucan Sam was tazed by Michelle's Goons, and no one has seen him since. They locked up that crazy Cocoa Puffs bird into some asylum. I heard the Keebler elves are on tree arrest. And Michelle herself threatened the M&M characters with a pair of mittens she'd warmed up in a microwave just to prove she could have them melt in her hands. It's crazy, I'm telling you!”
The Tiger shook his head. “Yea, I heard that Count Chocula had a silver stake driven into his heart by Janet Napolitano as he got caught trying to cross over the border. But I have heard the tea party has provided a safehouse in Jersey for Snap, Crackle and Pop. And Lucky the Leprechaun did make it back across the water to Ireland, where he's working as a chef for the IRA.”
The Tiger tossed back his drink and got up to leave. “You listen to me, Crunch, you keep your head down, and for God's sake, don't go back to that ship of yours. You know it's under surveillance by the FDA.”
“We used to feed those kids, often times when parents were working two jobs,” said Crunch. “We were the source of their nutrition. In fact, I knew of a lot of households that if it wasn't for us, there would be nothing else accessible for a kid to eat. It's all just to scare America. I used to think it was the parents' role to provide structure for their children, including what their children ate. How did the government get involved?
“Besides, what's a bowl of strawberries without some Cheerios? And speaking of, the Cheerios Kid was found floating in the Chesapeake Bay,” Crunch said with sadness in his old sailor eyes. “And Tony, I heard that the Trix rabbit was shot yesterday and is being served with rice and a fine white wine to Joe Biden.”
Tony the Tiger turned and hissed, and then in a loud bass growl shouted, “Well, ain't that just grrrreeeeaaaat!” And he walked off into the dark New England night.
Bob Rinearson is a resident of Fort Wayne.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 5 | |
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Darci13
carmaxable
so, what happened to the cereal killer?
leeroy
| 12 years ago. Rating: 5 | |
Lol, Tony's in county jail, the cop survived his injuries, but had to get 138 stitches. His trial is supposed to be bigger than Casey Anthony's.
Accused Somali pirates charged in U.S. with murder
By James Vicini
WASHINGTON | Fri Jul 8, 2011 6:50pm EDT
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Four accused Somali pirates were charged in a U.S. court on Friday with the murder, kidnapping and hostage-taking of two American couples in February and could face the death penalty if convicted.
A federal grand jury in Norfolk, Virginia, handed up the indictment against Ahmed Muse Salad, Abukar Osman Beyle, Shani Nurani Shiekh Abrar AND CAPTN CRUNCH over the pirating of a yacht off the coast of Somalia in February and the murder of the four Americans on board.
The three Somalis and their American captain were among 14 men brought to the United States and charged in March with piracy, conspiracy and other offenses. The other 11 defendants all pleaded guilty. (Captn Crunch was also wanted on cereal offenses.)
The new, more serious charges against the four defendants were contained in a superseding indictment. Twenty-two of the 26 counts carry a possible death sentence. (Especially the most resent and serious laws about sugary cereal.)
The four slain Americans were Jean and Scott Adam of California and Phyllis Macay and Bob Riggle from Seattle.
"Today's superseding indictment charges three men from Somalia (and one cartoon cereal icon;) with brutally murdering four American citizens held hostage for ransom," U.S. Attorney Neil MacBride said in a statement.
According to the indictment, the three defendants and others, (including the Trix rabbit) armed with firearms and a rocket-propelled grenade, boarded the yacht in search of sugary breakfast cereal, the S/V Quest, on February 18.
As they sailed toward Somalia, the four defendants and their co-conspirators took turns standing armed guard over the hostages, according to the 33-page indictment. "Captn Crunch even threatened the women with his sword," said one witness.
Beginning February 20, the U.S. Navy and the FBI began negotiating with the pirates to try to secure the release of the hostages.
One defendant, Abrar, fired a shot over the head of Scott Adam and instructed Adam to tell the Navy that if the U.S. warship came any closer, the pirates would kill the hostages, according to the indictment. (Eyewitness accounts say that the Trix rabbit cut off the foot of one the hostages as they watched in horror. Trixie said it was for good luck.)
The four defendants and other co-conspirators were accused of intentionally shooting and killing the hostages on February 22, without provocation, before the four Americans could be rescued by the U.S. military.
An arraignment for the three has been set for July 20.
Pirates operating off the coast of Somalia have hijacked vessels in the Indian Ocean and the Gulf of Aden, making tens of millions of dollars in ransoms by seizing ships, including oil tankers, and hostages. (The Trix rabbit is still on the loose and has made his way up to the top of the,"Americas most wanted list." If anyone has information on the whereabouts of the Trix rabbit there is a large reward leading towards his capture or arrest.
(Editing by Christopher Wilson and Leeroy Brown)
By James Vicini
WASHINGTON | Fri Jul 8, 2011 6:50pm EDT
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Four accused Somali pirates were charged in a U.S. court on Friday with the murder, kidnapping and hostage-taking of two American couples in February and could face the death penalty if convicted.
A federal grand jury in Norfolk, Virginia, handed up the indictment against Ahmed Muse Salad, Abukar Osman Beyle, Shani Nurani Shiekh Abrar AND CAPTN CRUNCH over the pirating of a yacht off the coast of Somalia in February and the murder of the four Americans on board.
The three Somalis and their American captain were among 14 men brought to the United States and charged in March with piracy, conspiracy and other offenses. The other 11 defendants all pleaded guilty. (Captn Crunch was also wanted on cereal offenses.)
The new, more serious charges against the four defendants were contained in a superseding indictment. Twenty-two of the 26 counts carry a possible death sentence. (Especially the most resent and serious laws about sugary cereal.)
The four slain Americans were Jean and Scott Adam of California and Phyllis Macay and Bob Riggle from Seattle.
"Today's superseding indictment charges three men from Somalia (and one cartoon cereal icon;) with brutally murdering four American citizens held hostage for ransom," U.S. Attorney Neil MacBride said in a statement.
According to the indictment, the three defendants and others, (including the Trix rabbit) armed with firearms and a rocket-propelled grenade, boarded the yacht in search of sugary breakfast cereal, the S/V Quest, on February 18.
As they sailed toward Somalia, the four defendants and their co-conspirators took turns standing armed guard over the hostages, according to the 33-page indictment. "Captn Crunch even threatened the women with his sword," said one witness.
Beginning February 20, the U.S. Navy and the FBI began negotiating with the pirates to try to secure the release of the hostages.
One defendant, Abrar, fired a shot over the head of Scott Adam and instructed Adam to tell the Navy that if the U.S. warship came any closer, the pirates would kill the hostages, according to the indictment. (Eyewitness accounts say that the Trix rabbit cut off the foot of one the hostages as they watched in horror. Trixie said it was for good luck.)
The four defendants and other co-conspirators were accused of intentionally shooting and killing the hostages on February 22, without provocation, before the four Americans could be rescued by the U.S. military.
An arraignment for the three has been set for July 20.
Pirates operating off the coast of Somalia have hijacked vessels in the Indian Ocean and the Gulf of Aden, making tens of millions of dollars in ransoms by seizing ships, including oil tankers, and hostages. (The Trix rabbit is still on the loose and has made his way up to the top of the,"Americas most wanted list." If anyone has information on the whereabouts of the Trix rabbit there is a large reward leading towards his capture or arrest.
(Editing by Christopher Wilson and Leeroy Brown)
| 12 years ago. Rating: 4 | |
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