Why do people who are being treated so poorly by the ones they say they love, continue to accept the abuse and love the person even more?

    +4  Views: 1434 Answers: 9 Posted: 12 years ago

    9 Answers

    It is called Passive-Aggressive. There are different reasons. Sometimes it comes from our parents, where we see the dad as the tough guy, and the mom the church mouse, and the cycle continues into the next generation because that is all they know.

    Sometimes women think it is security, they married the big guy to take care of them, not knowing he is truly insecure, always needing to pose his "manliness". If the woman pushes the button that even for a second reveals his true insecurity, it can get violent in a hurry. The woman does see his good side sometimes, and thinks she can eventually wipe out the bad part.

    On the other hand, the woman can also be the aggressor, to a passive man. This is actually more common than you might think. The man takes the abuse for a number of years, then in an instant hauls off and smacks the woman. The cops come and take away the man and he is falsely labled as a wife beater.

    Many couples are interdependent with their partner. "He/she completes me." This is the beginning of sorrows, since neither one has developed enough to be their own person. Then when one person does begin developing into their own person, they "fall out of love" with the other person.

    As you can see, there isn't a simple answer. Only several sessions with a counselor can help a couple work out their complex differences.


    The simple answer is ' Pleasure and Pain are inseparable'
    A lack of self esteem, they believe they can't do any better.
    call it hard love ,no one wants to be alone.. i guess we tolarate it cause we our selves dont know where else to turn. unfortunitly it all to common.. a fight tonight then tomorrow its all lovey dovey, i found most domestic squabbles are useally when drinking take the booze out the equassion and most of the problems go with it,perhaps the second biggest promblem is money or lack of it. that always creats disputes.. we need to learn to appreacite money as well as our spouces.. its hard to let go the other half when thats all you got!1

    I just find some of the questions on here sad to see. So many people desperate to have the other love them the way "it used to be"

    some poeple would rather curse the darknes than light a candle
    They may have nowhere to go...they may hope that it'll get better...they may hope the person they love will stop the abuse...often those hopes will not happen...abuse will not stop without a lot of counseling if either physical, mental or verbal. It generally escalates....some people can be gluttons for punishment also and can be abusive themselves to boot. And many, many times when one gets out of an abusive relationship she/he just ends up in another whether sooner or later...some women seem to have it stamped almost on their foreheads and tend to attract the same kind of men!

    I agree ole hipster...I have often wondered if they just haven't learnt the lesson in the relationship so until they do it will continue to role around for them.
    ole hipster

    Thanks for your agreement Mom...I speak from experience...was a spouse abuse counselor for quite a few years after having endured the same with multiple relationships...I know all the is so very cyclical and so very sad!
    It's a misunderstanding of what love is. Abuse victims equate any kind of attention to caring. IE: He hits me because he cares about me and wants to keep me on the track of being a good humble person. They make excuses, "If I wasn't so bad, he would treat me better/" So they love more to try and prove how good they can be. They stay with their abuser in the hopes that their love can help heal him/her.

    (Sorry, on guard duty so can't take a lot of time answering questions tonight)

    So the guard duty about?

    There are a couple nut jobs on here and I'm removing their b.s. as fast as I can so you guys don't have to suffer their insanity. The last upgrade to the site broke my suspend button so I can only delete comments and questions. So I sit here just waiting for them to post again so I can delete it. One of them is up to 7 different accounts now.
    It's called conditioning. Their partner has done it for so long, that the person believes they are worthless and useless. It is something that is hard to get away from.

    How true is that...totally agree.
    When you are in love, you are blind and deaf.
    ed shank

    I've seen this much to often, it's called "Love Stupid".
    What needs to be done, to make things as "you" want them to be?

    I ask this question because I see so much of this in peoples questions and looking into my past, Ive done it myself. Seems so crazy.
    ed shank

    I guess LOVE can suck at times, you are the only one that can decide if the insanity is worth the feelings you have for this person. I trust your good judgment will prevail.

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