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    How many wrong decisions am I allowed to make in my life? I've I made a wrong decision, how do I go about changing it or do I suffer him for all eternity?

    +1  Views: 540 Answers: 8 Posted: 10 years ago

    8 Answers

    These waves of emotion are simply stages we all go through with a loss. No matter what, there is a loss of years put in,your ideals of the future with this man, years spent emotionless or numb if you will. The best thing to do in times of feeling weak is to put some music on, take a shower, fix yourself up and look in the mirror and remind yourself just how strong and beautiful you are. If you write in a journal spend a half hour letting out the heaviness. I found a great book about working through your break up to give myself strength. There are so many times you will feel like the only person in the world going through this and by reading a book for support you are brought back to not being alone in this." Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan Elliot is an excellent read. I recommend this book. After I write, I read for a half hour, then I get the things done around the house so I feel like everything is taken care of. Finally I call a friend and go for a walk. Try not to spend too much time talking about whats wrong with your friend, look for whats right.Stop at the store and pick up a bouquet of flowers for yourself to remind yourself that there is color and beauty around you in the home and also that your worth it. Once you have filled the day with good things again look at your reflection and tell yourself again how beautiful and valuable you are.If your ever interested in e-mailing me for support and friendship I am open to sharing it with you. I could be your sounding board and support when you feel you need it. Let me know and no offence taken if you choose not to. With loving thoughts...your not alone.
    Lonely

    Hi, still not out of this deep dark whole I find myself in. Some days are better than others, I feel so lost and alone here. I don't know anybody that's why I went to see a therapist as I needed to talk to someone. How do we go about exchanging email addresses?
    mom

    I am just going to give mine to you...I know it is good to have someone to talk to...please do e-mail me. weusthree@hotmail.com and my name is Lora.
    I want to tell you a few things "lonely"...number one, yes the relationship failed but it takes two to make and two to break. I know well the feeling of another failed relationship but I have begun to see it differently. Not everyone is meant to touch your life forever. I believe some people come into your life just to move you to another level with lessons.My last boyfriend showed me that love can be kind and gentle, it doesn't have to be filled with dysfunction and fear like my marriage was. My ex husband helped give me a backbone and strength I never knew I had before. If I really took the time to search each relationship, I am absolutely sure I could find the lesson in it. Water always seeks it's own level and we are drawn to people that are as broken as us. We do a familiar dysfunctional dance together because it's what we know at the time. You have begun to change so you seek a new level in your life. Be proud that you are finding your strength to do it. Look at your relationship and find the good that was given to you unconsciously. I also want to point out that your not stupid! I know you have spent so long feeling numb and going along with life that thinking about what you want hasn't been a priority. I imagine you have done what you feel was necessary but have reached a pinnacle in your life. Congratulations for finding your strength and loving yourself and husband enough to set each other free from this dysfunction. It is necessary that the kids eventually see what a functioning relationship full of love is so they have a chance to seek the things they have not experienced. I'm not telling you to go looking for a man right away, you need to find your feet and discover who you finally are now.It's not always easy, but once you get through the first step it's hard not to start running with the excitement of what next. You have my love and thoughts and I do hope to see your name change from Lonely to Strong.
    Lonely

    Thank you so much for writting to me. I feel so weak today.
    why make the same mistake twice when theres plenty of new ones to make. at least wait til the kids are 18 that releases fininacil burden from the both of you. if it boyond that them being 18 time to move on, you owe it to yourself never will the burden of love and compassion disapate. if he refuses to change its far beyond your control. what is is you controll is the ability to make decissions.. put one foot in frount of the other and take that step to your own happiness. therepy will only work if he wants it to work why make two tragic decissions time to move foward... god bless you whatever your choice
    Lonely

    Hi Daren1, thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I'm in therapy and he doesn't know it. Last night after my posting 3 words popped into my head, "PYD" Plan Your Departure, and that is what I'm going to do cause when you mentioned 18, that is another 8 years of my life. I dont think I have the energy to put my life on hold for 8 years. You and 'Mom' really made me think about what I want. Maybe I knew the answer all along but too afraid to admit it to myself. I HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE DECISIONS, I'M PUTTING ONE FOOT INFRONT OF THE OTHER AND TAKING THE STEPS TO MY HAPPINESS - your words and I thank you for it.
    daren1

    god bless you on your journey
    You can carry no greater weight than what I've carried for years. Look up the answer is there.
    Oh My Goodness Girlfriend...I have to say...get your life! I just left a relationship and I am still in love because he was not willing to put into it what I am looking for. Life is short and there are rarely victims in it.I have proudly raised 2 boys on my own and done well at it. I am independent, strong and happy. At this point I am learning to like being single and not at all interested in more than a friend in a man. Since my 15 year marriage fell apart I have dated a man for 7 years and never lived together because my kids don't need men in and out of their home so I have raised them essentially on my own.Your husband is a grown man and doesn't need to be looked after or worried about.I am sure he will survive as he has been doing well enough all along on his own working away. Either get into couples therapy and work on rekindling things or find your footing and do it on your own. Nobody is incapable of being strong and independent. It pretty much sounds like you have been alone for the most part anyways.
    Lonely

    You brought tears to my eyes.
    Thank you so much for telling me about your experiences. I don't think I want to rekindle what we had. It's time I admit I've failed at my marriage but then again it takes 2 people to make a marriage work. I've never questioned anything and since I started therapy on my own 4 weeks ago I was asked what do I want. Can you believe it, I was so stupid and naive that I didn't even know what I wanted. Last night a miracle happened. I think those 3 words will change my direction forever "PYD" Plan Your Departure. Today is the 1st day of the rest of my life and I'm a big girl, I can look after myself (meanwhile I'm falling apart inside) and I'll be strong for my childrens sake. Yes I'll find an apartment cause like you said I don't want men in and out of my childrens lives. I want to enjoy being single actually enjoy life. Do you know I can't remember when's the last time I laughed? Life is short and I'll try to make the most of it and like you've said I've pretty much been on my own for most of it. Thanks again.
    Hi Lonely,

    The Geordies on Tyneside have a saying:
    He/she who never made a mistake never did nout. (nothing)

    What life is about is making better and better decisions.
    Look around and you will see lots of people doing silly things.
    Smoking,Taking drugs, using excessive alcohol, engaging in illicit sex, all of which is destructive.
    Try not to follow their example.

    Try to cultivate good and wise friends.
    (Proverbs 13:20) 20 He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.

    If you read a small portion of the bible each day it will help you draw closer to your creator. You will absorb his spirit will help you draw on his wisdom and peace.

    Get back to me if this helps

    Kind regards

    fear is believing in you of what you can do are can not do.but to believe in God, HELLO EVERYONE.FRIST OF ALL For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline.if God is for you who can beaganist you,and no weapon froam againt you or me shell prospers.that is faith in God word.when i am week ,my faith in God is strong.fear brings ,procrastination,like my spelling.i didn't want to read in front of class becouse of my aksent.so i didn't like reading.but now i am trying again to read better,and spell better.now i believe i understand now why fear came opon me is becoure,of right now.i was a child then. we are born with the sents of fear becouse of the body we live in.you can fill when somthing hert you,or some one trying to hert you.read warning sign danger,protections of love one...etc.i am not talking about that kind of fear.i talking about when God said fear not,i am with you for ever amen.when fear trys to enter your mind,think of God fear not for i am with you,now fear has to go,becouse your spirit mind said so,not your body that fear try to decieve.were there fear,there no faith,and were there fear there no faith.pitcher this in your mind.a train is on a railroad track,all box car or full of God word.God said his word,and his promise to use will be fulfill.put your faith in one of the box car and relax.link
    He says he loves me but he's emotionally distant. I've been married to him for nearly 17 years and most of that time he was working abroad. So the holiday romance is over, yes it took a bit longer than most peoples but there are 2 beautiful children involved whom I love very much. Yes, he holds the purse strings, and yes, I'm in therapy.
    15 years ago I realised I made a wrong decision to marry him but it's for better or for worse isn't it. I'm in my late 30's reasonably attractive but after so many years how do you walk away and start over. How do you start over and what will happen to him. I still care about him but don't love him.


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