close
    Making Friends

    Everyone assumes I have many friends. I talk to many people. However,I have none. I did not grow up in this small Southern town that I live in. I am a srong, outspoken, happy woman. Why can't I make friends?


    Other info. I am married with 2 kids, work part time with children, and dont drink or smoke( but dont mind if others do).

    +10  Views: 1423 Answers: 21 Posted: 7 years ago
    Tags: friends
    IamPamela313

    Jenn - I feel you. When you are successful, happy, and have a great relationship, generally when you are around females that what these things and don't have them, you are not accepted by them. Generally, this is due to jealousy, not against you personnally.


    So I would suggest to you, network with women that's on your level or above without these hang-ups!!!

    IamPamela313

    <a href="/users/779/jenn/">@Jenn</a> - By the way, You need a friend, count me in. We probably can't do the girly things. I'm here for you, and will help you any way I possibly can.

    IamPamela313

    <a href="/users/779/jenn/">@Jenn</a> - OMG, what can I say. Keep the faith and know that God has it all in control. I have a stuffed poodle given to me from my husband in 1996. I call him or her fluffy. It's all white, I bath it, keep it groom, and it still looks the same, (Hoping this make you laugh). I treat this stuff animal as thought it's alive. Do the same for your german sherpard. Love and Best wishes to you!!!

    Jenn

    Pam... please keep me in your thoughts... I lost my dog today... SHe was my baby. After losing my german shepard a week before Christmas and with my dad having end stage lung cancer (8 weeks left) I am devestated. (lost as in died)

    Raider_retired 3_29_

    Great question b/c I am in a similar issue. My answer probably does not help you but, thumbs up for your question.

    Raider_retired 3_29_

    Hello Jenn, How about some input on my answer? I gave you a Thumbs Up (T.U.) on your quetion, could use one on my answer.

    21 Answers

    Jenn....I moved to a new town. I found it hard to make friends as I kept to myself a lot. I joined a Christian walking club and when out walking I then got to know people and made a few good friends. While walking and talking we all became good friends and better still I met my wife in that club.
    For me it was easy to make friends and I had many, until I moved to NH. I live 6 Miles away from the town. I had good friends, that lived next door, but they both passed on. You are still young and you might make friends by volunteering in something in the community like librarys and a church.You can try baking a cake and bring it to your neighbor, get to know the parents of your childrens friends.It will take some effort on your part, but it will be worth it.
    Jenn

    i lived in the Londonderry NH area for a long time... It is beautiful up there. I am the crazy of the neighborhood who does bring feggies from the garnden to all the nieghbors and baked goodies. They all ask me to watch thier kids or thier dogs but never over for coffe of to visit.
    melandrupert

    hey Jenn move to lancashire and I promise to invite you for a coffee every day x
    Don't feel bad Jenn, I bet a lot of us are in the same boat. When we were young it was all about friends and going places and having fun. When you get older your priorities change and it's all about you and your family. You just don't have the same amount of time to devote to friends, you feel more obligated to take care of the "home stuff" first. Don't forget that these wonderful gadgets we're all sitting in front of don't help either. Computers give us a way to expand our horizons, but not to reach out and touch anyone too!

    When you have the time, get off the chair, go to the park or even the store and talk to someone. You'd be surprised how easy it is to start up a conversation. It could also be the beginning of a new friendship.
    Jenn

    I am always o the go.. And talk to everyone... Everyone assumes I have tons of friends for that reason... So I think I am a little unapprochable when it come to lasting friendships.
    I've always been able to interact with people quickly, but I'm particular as to whom I want to spend time with. I find that the older I get the less people I want around me. Less bullshit I have to deal with. My interests haven't changed since I was in my 20's. Most people my age are couch potatoes and I have no use for them.
    Jenn

    You have got that right.. I wanna kayak and hike and go to the beach... Dang I need a boyfriend for that. Thanks for bringing it up. ;P
    Jenn, I'm your friend, you can always talk to me, I'm a good listener and from time to time probably can give some good advice. I talk to Pam a lot, she is a good friend that I feel comfortable talking to.
    Jenn

    Aww I have good buddies on here.. You are great spacey!!!

    Join something that interests you.Find out if there is a new comers club...you will get to know others in your position and if there is nothing like that maybe put an add in the local paper and start something of your own.Have a neighbours party and have everyone on your street over for a bbq...it doesn't have to be a drinking bash but gives you a chance to get to know the neighbours.Start a mom's morning out club once a week if you have young kids. Small towns can be hard to break into but sometimes you really have to put your heart into working at it.

    Hi Jenn I am sorry you feel this way "i know this question is old but I had to answer" I know how you feel I dont make freinds very easy I have accaintances but not a true freind I soppose I need to trust and this is one of my devaults I am sure we all have them I thought I had A TRUE freind and she was trying to get off with my Husband and I have forgiven her but i cant forget thank God she has moved you must be positive and I am sure you will find a freind in the mean time keep talking to us I would love to be your freind i have just read that you lost your dog and of course your poor Dad no wonder you feel like you do. You have the world on your shoulders you are in my preys Melxx
    Jenn

    Aww thank babe... You are the sweetest. I have the best hubby and kids in the world.. Ireally have no room to complain.. But it is sometimes hard not to have someone to lean on that is not dealing with the same problems.. I am such a lucky girl to have found this site and the support that has come with it... Thank you!
    melandrupert

    Ah Jenn thank you for your nice words and I am so pleased that you have a good hubby as you know they are worth there weight in gold "god" as I like say yes this site is fab and I have become addicted to it one of my OCD never mind as you say we all get down and some times we just have to let off steem and yes you have the support here I know I do if i ever needed them I would just shout xx

    I'm like that Jenn, I havn't had a friend for 20yrs and only a handful before that, with kids, work and 1000mi move I never found the time or felt I needed them and 20 yrs went by. I think you learned early that people can be cruel and are not to be trusted, so you keep your left up all the time.


    Find and do something you enjoy is easy to say but if you do and go in search of others that enjoy those things you probably stand a better chance of making good friends because it will give you and them time to get to know one another in a neutral location. My wife also had that problem but she got time after the kids all moved away to find some friends. Now she goes to the pool 5 times a week for an hour class where she and a bunch of others splash around, they have pot lucks sometimes, celebrate each others b.d's and it gives her something to look forward to when she's at work, and some of her friends go do other things now, they go to lunch, exchange fruits and vegis. and talk about things (gossip) sometimes go out for sushi after class, one of the ladys gave her a bee hive and the bees that go with it. So, I think you should give it a try and make time for yourself before 20yrs go bye.

    ole hipster

    Very true Roger Willcoe. I haven't had any true friends either since moving back to Chicago, just a lot of acquaintances. Doesn't really bother me much. I keep busy as I can and have my brothers here and of course, the significant other. Hard to make friends here and when living elsewhere, Madsion and South Florida I had literally tons of them! Some I miss and some I don't It's all relative I guess! (:

    I agree no friends are better thwan fake ones. I further feel once you reach my age (48) if you can count your true, true freinds on your fingers, and they fill up one hand you are blessed.


    True freinds arethose who stand firm or walk in as others leave or run for cover.


    I wrote an article some time back I will post below, but just be yourself. The person you see all alone in the morning when oyu wake up in the mirror should be the person everyone sees. Other words be you all the time, and around everyone -- the same -- the real you.


    You will eventually attract someone. Besides if oyu put on and you gain a frend eventually they realize that is not the real oyu. Lethte real oyu lead, adn shine the path. It will come or they, him, or her will come.


    Enjoy my little thing on feinds and give it some thought:


    THE TRUTH OF FRIENDSHIP!


    by Mark Taylor on Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 11:14am


    Friends are only friends if they are willing to tell you the truth. Otherwise, they are just mere acquaintances. Sometimes the truth is in your favor and sometimes it is not. It can sometimes be the healing balm, and sometimes it can hurt to your very core, either case coming from a friend it should be welcome. I personally have experienced both, and to be perfectly honest it is those friends, with the courage to tell me a truth when it is something I rather not hear, that I respect the most.


    It saddens and frustrates me when friends don't tell friends the truth. I mean, when someone complains about the same thing over and over again (or the same person over and over again i.e. if they can't forgive someone or see their innocence), perhaps someone should tell them...HEY BUD, IT's YOU!


    I remember a friend of mine crying to me one night about how he is so trusting with people but they always let him down. I told my friend right then and there that it wasn't about trusting people, it was about his discernment. He called it trust so he could blame them if the relationship didn't go his way. He was not taking responsibility for his part in it. That's the truth for so many of us.


    Now, just to be clear you must be a good friend, a friend that has the ability to listen beyond the story being told i.e. does not put loyalty above the truth.


    A good friend doesn't believe there is only one version to any story, there is always two. A good friend may say things like, "Man that sucks" but they also follow that up with, "and what was your part in it?" Maybe not in that same moment but in a moment that follows, the moment of true friendship.


    What I have come to realize is, sadly, some people don't want the truth. They don't want truthful friends. They don't want to be called out or called on to change themselves or their version of the story. Heck, they are so busy weaving a story they probably don't know what the truth is anymore.


    Telling a story is the way we give our life meaning. So I understand the seduction of it. Yet inside the story we are either taking responsibility or blaming. What is your intention when you tell a story? Do you want people to side with you? Do you want to find the lessons in the story? Do you want to search for the truth for each person in the story?


    How do you know if the people in your life are true friends? Who will call you on the stories you tell that are just plain stories?


    Ask yourself:
    Are you able to hear feedback without getting defensive?
    And if you do get defensive, can you admit it?
    Do you ask your friends "is it me?"
    Are you willing to hear the answer?


    You might have people in your life that you feel are true friends, but true friends will never agree with you one hundred percent of the time. REPEAT...true friends will never agree with you one hundred percent of the time. They can't. Sometimes you are just wrong and they are the ones that you can trust to tell you.


    So do you have true friends?


    Do you give your friends the space to question you, i.e. go deeper or see the other persons point of view? Are you committed to the truth more than being right?


    If you want to be right, forget it. Your friends can't help you and your friends have learned a long time ago that you don't want their help. They know you want to be right and personally, a commitment to being right is so small-minded.


    Ask yourself this; Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?


    Sure, being right feels good. No one can argue that. But personally, I want to be happy. And sometimes it is my friends that help me get there.

    Jenn

    i am very easy going ... I dont care if ppl think i am right... I would like ppl to think. I have tried to be around ppl. bake brownies for new nieghbors call and check on "friends" but somehow I think ppl get a stalker vibe. These folks have had the same friends since birth.

    ole hipster

    Great answer and insight DrTaylor!

    I have few friends. I couldn't be creative if I had lots of friends. You need quiet for that. They may intrude on my eureka moment.
    Shootah

    Up until I read just read your answer, I don't think I've consciously thought about the need for quiet in order to be creative for quite some time now. For me, creativity manifests itself in a number of different ways, and once I feel inspired...I get hooked on it until I figure where I'm going to take it. Sometimes it's even amusing how we figure out something through a dream, or the solution all of a sudden comes to us at the moment we wake up.
    eggplant

    That's right. I'm a writer and artist. Nowadays, I mostly write stories. Writing is another form of painting pictures. The only difference is, you use words instead of paint.
    Small town folks seem to take longer to warm up to new people from my experience. You just need to make more of an effort or like mom said,"Join a group in something that interests you."

    I have some great friends that I still talk to from a home Bible study that I was in for about 7 years. They have couples studies, just find one that you are comfortable in. Of course there are other things you can do there are groups for just about anything.

    You can also get involved in the PTA, or whatever groups that your kids are interested in, like soccer etc... Hope this helps, keep your chin up Jenn.
    Jenn

    Chin up... always! I stay involved.. PTO president, wemons bbl study, volunteer, work part time.. But everyone keeps there distance. It is all good though.. I am a blessed girl. I should not complain.
    leeroy

    Huh, so maybe you get along better with guys? Were you a tomboy when you were young? Or it could just be the small town thing, they are the same way in N. FL Murietta, I had an acre of land up there and it took a while for the god ole boys to warm up to me, had to go shooting guns to find common ground...
    joe lavane

    you know jen i bet if you or me were a dotor or a specialist we will have to knock back friends , i think sometimes people pick there friends by their professions that is what one of my friends just did to get a better job because he is a suppervisor in an office and he is a cleaner , time will tell

    As we get older and have such a busy life and everyone else does too it is harder to make true friends but not impossible. I truly do not know a good answer for you unless you get involved in maybe a church that also has small groups that meet or something of that sort maybe?

    Maybe just maybe the reason may be you try to hard to make friends and they percieve you to be pushy not saying, this is you, just a thought
    Jenn

    I am terribly oushy.. and opinionated.... It is a curse... But I am loyal, fierce, dependable.. so thier loss ,,Right?
    matheneyg

    Yes their loss should have been more open minded toward others

    Hey Jenn,


    if you live in a small town it is likely, as you already indicated, that everyone knows everyone since childhood days. It can be pretty difficult to get into such old "insider" circles. It requires time and demonstration of good will. It would be great if you could somehow get involved in your community's activities, like help projects where you could volunteer and thus contribute your personal qualities to the place. People will surely appreciate that, and it will be easier to become friends with them and to gain their trust. Another possibility is to join some kind of workshop - be it yoga, crafting, choir singing or whatever you like. You would meet people who share your interests there, and that is always a good starting point for a friendship.


    Also, if there is any people you see regularly, like sales personnel in stores and supermarkets, or the postman, or... try to smalltalk with them from time to time. This might not result in friendship, but it helps you find out more about the community and its people, and often you will be given helpful info and make new contacts through these occasional encounters.


    Summing everything up, the secret lies in making people notice you are there and that you are a valuable, fun-to-be-with, trustworthy individual. Once that is clear, people will approach you on their own initiative.


    Good luck,
    Papitou

    I am a person who seems to make friends easily. It sounds like you have a busy life, but to have a friend, my dad always said you had to be a friend. Sometimes starting out with some kindness to a neighbor, co-worker, a member of a church community or as a member of a school committee...gets the ball rolling. My exhusband never had any friends. He thought the process took too much time and energy. He was right, it does but the end result is worth it. I think like a lot of good things in life the price is worth the reward.

    small southern towns are tuff people have friends they have had for many years and busy families.your best bet is other newcomers
    Jenn

    Tried that once.. they want a threesome...
    dwayne1716

    ok not newcomers with madalion necklaces and store boughts

    Wow if you find the answer let me know. I think it has to do with our age. In high school, college and until my 30's I always had really good friends. Now, none and not even in a real serious situation.
    I feel funny about online dating web sites as well.

    i have known two friends which i trusted and help a lot , one of them is rich with my knowledge and helping hand , now im in a need of help he does not not even give me a tex message when i ask for his help, the other when he is down and his friend is not around or he found a new friend that can help him to get a better jod , im finding he also is changing towards me , he does not contact me like he use to and when i meet him last time , he was not the same person i knew before , i call them users , now i dont trust anyone or would even help anyone i have been use too much , be carefull of friends , maybe i am unlucky , sometimes your animal is more trustworthy and more of a trusted friend ,,
    Jenn

    I am right there with you.. That is the only type of "friend" I have had in 17 years. If I can do something for them, I am golden when they are satisfied the y kick me to the curb.

    don't worry about it everyone will make friends it does not matter whether you have 2 friends or loads of friends at least you are not on your own. the best way to make friends is to go out somewhere or go on a dating website you will make friends if you believe in yourself

    because you cant make freinds if you dont start by giving them those round things called coooooooooooooooocies!

    Dont feel bad as it happens to everyone it can be hard to make new friends, id talk to coworkers or go out somewhere that you can meet friends, but be mindful no friends are better than fake friends, and bad friends

    Jenn

    That is true.. I married my best friend I should be greatful. I just get a little girlfriend lonely. The ppl I work with grow up togetther. That will never happen.

    melandrupert

    hi Jenn Its me again we moved to a little village it was like the village of the damn and ever body looked alike it was spooky no body talked to me I even volonteared to be a art teacher for the kids and I got it the kids came round though the parents kept there distance sorry to say we moved 4 miles away and what a difference great place still havent found a true freind but I am happy now god bless x


    Top contributors in Uncategorized category

     
    ROMOS
    Answers: 18355 / Questions: 154
    Karma: 1093K
     
    Colleen
    Answers: 47520 / Questions: 115
    Karma: 953K
     
    country bumpkin
    Answers: 10972 / Questions: 160
    Karma: 800K
     
    jhharlan
    Answers: 9875 / Questions: 1091
    Karma: 732K
    > Top contributors chart

    Unanswered Questions

    441779
    questions
    709847
    answers
    512469
    users