Joke of the day:

    The Priest said, ''Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here
       as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so."

     Sister Maryellen lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to
       her, ''Sister Maryellen, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.''

     Sister Maryellen said, ''Hard bed.''

    ''I'm sorry to hear that,'' the Priest said, ''We will get you a better bed.''

     After another 5 years, Sister Maryellen was summoned by the Priest.

    ''You may say another two words, Sister Maryellen.''

    ''Cold food,'' said Sister Maryellen, and the Priest assured her that the food
    > > would be better in the future.

     On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister
      Maryellen in to his office.

    ''You may say two words today.''

    ''I quit,'' said Sister Maryellen.

    ''It's probably best,'' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but complain since you got here.'' 

    +9  Views: 1606 Answers: 9 Posted: 9 years ago


    9 Answers

    The Texas Midget 
    A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area. The   midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told   him to drop his pants and he would have a look.  The midget dropped his    pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to   examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the   midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. 
    "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right   testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. 
    "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.  
    Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then  snip-snip-snip-snip on the   left side. The  midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with   amazement that the snipping did not hurt. 
    The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if   his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked   around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. 
    The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" 
    The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you   do?" 
    The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."


    That was hilarious !


    My monthly check…….

    Waiting for his date to come downstairs, the young man sat nervously in the living room. Mom was knitting, Dad reading the paper. A spotted dog was at the young man's feet.   A gas pain hit him hard and he wanted to relieve himself, but was so afraid the girls' parents would hear.  He let a little go, as discreetly as he could.  "Pffft Pfffft". Dad put down the paper, looked at the dog, and said, "SPOT!" Back to the paper; Mom never looked away from the knitting. Relieved to have gone undetected, and thrilled Dad thought it the dog, the young man let another bit fly.  "Pffft  Pffft Pffft", with the same result, Dad admonishing the pooch. Delighted now, the young man decided he'd just let the whole thing out, which he did with a long, satisfying 'PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT".  Dad put down the paper and said in a rush, "Spot! Move quick, before he sh**s on you".

    An old guy was sitting at the bus stop with his old dog just having a rest.

    A young guy came along & sat down beside them.

    The dog started to lick his privates (as dogs do) & seemed to be enjoying himself.

    The young guy said "Boy,I wish I could do that".

    The old guy replied "Well you can if you like,but I'd pat him first if I were You".


    Sister maryellen was teaching at All hallows school for girls when the council workmen were there repairing the sewerage pipes.The language from the workmen was appalling so she complained to Mother Superior.Maother Superior said "you shouldn't be too offended by these boys.They are all good catholics & hard workers.The kind of men that call a spade a spade." Maryellen replied, "NO they don't! They call it a F*****G shovel.I've heard them!"

    The second one is LOL funny.

    I heard the one about the dog back in the 70s.

    Awww , poor Sister Maryellen. She is best off out of there.

    One sunday morning,the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque, it was covered with names and small american flags mounted on either side of it.The six year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly,"Good morning Alex ". "Good morning pastor" he replied,still focused on the plaque. "pastor what is this ? " The pastor said, "well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, "Which service, the 8:00 or the 10:30 ?"


    I like. LOL

    What was Sister Maryellen doing in a monastery? I thought monasteries were for guys and convents for ladies, or has that all changed?

    My name is windows. Can I crash at your place tonight ?   ( groan )


    Well at least you had the good taste & tact to groan.Hahahahaha!
    terryfossil 1

    i dont get it MCM??????


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