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    Would you speak up?

    I have a "friend" who tends to be rather negative. An abusive first marriage, a totally dishonest second marriage, left with tens of thousands of dollars of debt, caregiver for an unappreciative father, home filled with stray family members for years, a retirement system that doesn't provide what she paid for, etc. etc. etc.  She loves to reminisce about how she pulled herself up and took care of everything all by herself and misses no opportunity to compare the relative ease I've experienced financially. She's been critical of my eldest son for years, my oldest and dearest friend, and last night she made some totally uncalled for remarks about my father, whom she never met, attributing them to "oldtimers" in my little home town.  
    I have ALWAYS listened politely and complimented her accomplishments, home, and efforts, been humble and am sincere in my admiration of what she has done with no support from anyone.  BUT, last night, repeating gossip about my dad (d.2001, before I ever met her) is just more than I care to overlook. Do I say something to her about anything or just stop calling/answering.  When I think of how often I sit through her list of injustices and self-accolades, giving her kudos, only to endure belittlement, I wonder why I bother to stay in touch at all.  

    +7  Views: 1213 Answers: 7 Posted: 6 years ago

    7 Answers

    She doesn't deserve your friendship. Anyone that makes us feel bad whilst in their company is not a friend. I detect a hint of jealousy on her part. If you can't find anything positive within the friendship call it quits and cut all ties with her.

    Bob/PKB

    It feels more like resentment, PL, than jealousy. In any case, she really proved she's no friend of mine. Your answer says it all, straight to the point. Thank you.

    Next time simply ask her just how long its been since she last saw your father and what was the visit about? When she look confused say “There” and now go pedal your stories someplace else…….

    Bob/PKB

    Why can't I think of snappy remarks for my own situations!!!

    Phyl,you are one of the nicest people I have ever coresponded with.Are you sure she's your friend?She sounds very competitive.I think I would put her in the cooler for a while.I just think we don't need that sort of crap when we're on this side of 60.We need to make the most of the life we have left,not be listening to someone belittling us.Don't let her get you down,remember you have friends here.

    Bob/PKB

    Your kind words overwhelm me. You're right, we don't need negative input from anybody, and that's on either side of 60. I've been enjoying school and church, my kids and grandkids, bowling and so much more. She always pops my bubble. No more.
    p.s. it is so nice to catch your answers every evening, like no one else is on the site. :-)

    You have plenty of friends here. You don't need her! If it makes you feel better, give her a blast.

    Bob/PKB

    Thanks, Clonge. It wouldn't make me feel any better to blast her. I can't believe she doesn't know what she's doing; she must honestly enjoy putting me down. I'm going to delete her from my phone right now.
    Clonge

    Good. It's HER LOSS!
    Bob/PKB

    Thank you again; the friends I enjoy here are the best!
    itsmee

    You are lucky that she's not related to you.
    MILLIE333

    I`d explain to her,as kindly as possible,why you feel your friendship has run its course!..and move on..Not a friend if she makes you feel bad about yourself or family!..She may learn not to treat os like this!XXX
    Bob/PKB

    Millie, I haven't talked to her since she made the remark. She is as fine with it as I am. :D
    MILLIE333

    That`s cool Bob!:-)XXX

    She does not sound to much like a friend Miss Bob,

    Bob/PKB

    Looking at my words again, she sure doesn't. I deleted her number and will move on.
    hector5559

    You have a lot of friends out here,
    Bob/PKB

    So do you, like me, for example
    hector5559

    Im,a bit shy,but yesssssssss,
    Bob/PKB

    Shy wasn't the word that came to mind :-)
    hector5559

    You can bowl with me anytime,
    Bob/PKB

    Can you get here for a tournament next weekend? Team, doubles, and singles....
    hector5559

    I Will cheak my Iteanary,
    Bob/PKB

    EX-cellent!

    She doesn't really sound like the sort of friend you need. As others have said, you have plenty of friends here, don't bother with her anymore. 

    Bob/PKB

    I certainly enjoy the banter and interaction here a WHOLE bunch more, even arguing once in a while. I was in her neighborhood for several hours today and so glad I didn't make the effort to call.

    I'd be hiding every time she comes knockin'...you just don't need friends like that...or the obvious stress she causes...stress is not a good thing, and it seems that's all she has to offer...take a nice long vacation from her...you won't miss out on anything...Good luck...and keep :) ing!.......

    Bob/PKB

    Thanks, Wonderer; your advice is exactly right. She is a huge downer and has been complaining about the same stuff for the whole 10+ years I've known her.


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