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    Aggressive & Belligerent

    My 22 yr old  son gets verbally A&B when I talk to him about simple stuff like not leaving cans and bottles on the counter or dirty dishes in both sides of the kitchen sink. He pays his share of living expenses, and generally is clean in the kitchen. When I have a complaint, I talk to him privately. It is always a crap shoot what kind of response I get.  The attitude needs to change....his.  Any suggestions aside from the obvious eviction.

    +6  Views: 1448 Answers: 13 Posted: 10 years ago

    13 Answers

    The trouble is,he sees all that as your job & the the truth be told you have always picked up after him for your own comfort & peace of mind.Tell him to grow up or collect all of his garbage & put it in his room.

    Bob/PKB

    He has never shared a residence as an adult. He and his brother are going to get a lesson in community living or I can go back to solo. At least there would be room for MY food in the fridge

    Start with "Can I talk to you w/o you're getting mad?" and proceed from there.  Otherwise, a pair of boxing gloves may be in order............

    Bob/PKB

    These guys do not understand they are sharing a home. We have some lines to draw. Sigh

    He's mad about something or on drugs......

    Bob/PKB

    Pot smoker. The anger is very old.
    Headless Man

    Sorry, if you can't talk to him try to find someone you can trust to, like a clergy.

    I would gather the junk in a trash bag and deposit on his bed!  Maybe he could understand that? He's pushing your buttons! Push his. I bet he won't like it!

    Bob/PKB

    He left a peace offering on the way to work. I am not impressed.

    Obviously he is in need of a social worker in mental health who is familiar with this little mania. He is upset because the world seems to contradict his his beliefs with pain. Your input about his behavior reminds him of the reason he is getting screwed up and feeling hopeless. The reason is usually drug  or alcohol related or simply over work and exhaustion. My shrink goes for whats happening with my general health first….then what’s happening. Not eating properly is #1. Not sleeping properly is #2 and problems at home or work is #3. Most likely….it is not you.  

    Bob/PKB

    He is overly domineering of his fiancee, too. Control loon.

    I think I would choose a time when neither of you are upset, sit down and tell him it just isn't working the way things are currently, explain why, and ask him what he thinks his options are

    Bob/PKB

    This answer calms me much. I will try, though his response is probably not going to surprise me.

    maybe a military boot camp may be the best thing.. it helps with anger issues family life and discipline and respect


     

    Bob/PKB

    He is 22.
    Titanicboy34

    yes but they have boot camps for ages 9-30 but ages 20-30 get a higher authoritized lesson
    Bob/PKB

    He was at a wilderness camp at 16, and a therapy-setting boarding school that left some emotional scars. I see him being unpleasant to his fiancee and his grandmother, too. He disparages both his brothers. I am close to a confrontation, and I have to watch every word.

    Tape record him one  day,so that he can hear his own way of putting his point across to the mother who  has brought him into this world,

    Bob/PKB

    You have no idea, but he GALWAYS wants to record disagreements.

    When he moves out on his own, then go check his place, i bet it will be spotless.  My son when he lived with us was a slob, no matter what we said, he just wouldn't keep things neat and orderly. Now that he is on his own, he's more meticulous than we are.  amazing.  Your teachings will go with him, just not with you. 

    Bob/PKB, just saw your post. Its been a month now and I hope your relationship with your son has improved. If not, would it be best that he get his own place? You stated that he gets verbally aggressive and belligerent when talking to him. You also stated that you are close to a confrontation and you have to watch every word. What do you mean? Physical? If so, it's time for him to move. You cannot let him disrespect you. At 22 you are grown.


    I believe you have done your best to raise and be a good mother to him. You said at 16 he was at a wilderness camp, and a therapy-setting boarding school that left emotional scars. So I assume he had behavior problems then. Unfortunately,  some of these places that suppose to help kids also abused them. He probably need professional help before it's too late. 


    You also stated that he left a peace offering. So he knows and is sorry when he disrespects you. But it keeps happening over and over again. That's why you're not impressed. Do you think he could be bipolar?

    I am so sorry to hear this bob. There is something he is holding in his memory that happened involving both of you. It was something that you did not realize it was anything important. So you probably don't even remember it clearly. Or perhaps something you did that unknowing to you caused your son to suffer for it. It might be such a personal thing in his mind that he finds it impossible to tell you about it. If he continues not to reveal whatever it is. It will just eat away in his mind.


     He WILL feel better if he shares it with you, but he don't know this yet.  He just thinks he cannot tell you whats in his mind because its too personal to him. One day he will tell you, I just hope its sooner then later


     


     


     

    Tell him you are thinking of moving to another smaller place and that he might start looking for another place to live.  Help him look for places he can afford. Your just trying to get him adjusted to slowly push him out of the nest.

    Bob/PKB

    Got this place 3 yrs ago. That lie won't fly, and I want to be honest.

    Just sent hin to Indonesia and put him in the religion school and he won't be your's and he will be a new man

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