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    When is helping interfering?

    If I help someone, could I potentially be delaying some inevitable outcome of sorts? Am I interfering with anothers' karma if I help or potentially interfere? What exactly is that fine line and how do I know it to see it? If I think I am helping but it feels like I am only interfering how can I diplomatically and without harm, bow out?? Here's the thing, I've helped someone by providing shelter, food, and essentially the comforts of home, however the 'guest' has overstayed their welcome. How do I send a homeless person out to be homeless again? Honestly, after 4+ months this deal is starting to smell like rotten salmon...HELP?

    +8  Views: 1867 Answers: 12 Posted: 11 years ago
    lindilou

    So.. a tent, a backpack, and a sleeping bag....and down the road he went....man...somelook so good from behind!! LOL

    12 Answers

    Time to "help" a little more Lindi, get out and about with your lodger and look for a suitable place for him/her to live, there may be some kind of agency or charity in your area who can help, you have did more than enough and your "guest" is now taking advantage of your kindness, the good Karma will all be yours eventually.

    lindilou

    Thanks for the encouragement..this 'type' seems to seek me out...but this one has gone on long enough. I was not looking for a housemate and it has evolved into that which I did not wish...oy vay this is tuff.
    ROMOS

    I had a similar situation 10yrs ago,I turned up from work one day to him doing his usual(nothing) so I decided there and then to ask him to start sharing rent and tax payments with me, he was gone the next day, never seen him since....Hey Ho!
    lindilou

    I did it! I loaded all his belongings off to his buddys' place and just now sent him packing..(edit).
    ROMOS

    Good for you Lindi,now you can get back to your own life.
    lindilou

    did did and done! What a relief...R O L A I D S!! LOL feels good to laugh...

    This person knows he is on a good wicket.The more you give, the more he will take.It's high time he starts to take responsibility and stand on his own two feet. If he chooses to be homeless "again", that is his problem, not yours.Actually there is one more thing you can do for him, pack his belongings and drop him at the train station.

    lindilou

    Thanks pythonlover...his bags are packed and moved...now he just needs to show up....will keep you posted. LL
    lindilou

    ...and he's OUT! yay!

    Sounds like you have done enough for this poor sole, time to say come on now you need to find yourself a job and somewhere to live, and hope that they get themselves togather and realise you are just trying to be helpful.

    lindilou

    The simplicity of this may well work!!! Thanks sunny hunny!! ;)

    lindilou, your comment to ROMOS, "this type seems to seek me out" probably indicates that you might be known as "a good person to ask"? People who allow others to take advantage of them, are often repeatedly asked for favors. You can still help but set the boundaries BEFORE they move in. Examples...."You may stay here for three months, 30 days, two weeks, whatever YOU decide. By then, you must have your own place". You will also be required to do (dishes, vacuuming, laundry, cooking) again, whatever YOU decide. Don't set it up as a free ride and your "guest" won't expect it to be that. If the deadline is approaching and no progress appears to be happening, remind your guest, firmly, about his/her moving date!

    lindilou

    I have had it brought to my attention..the word...enabler. I do not care to be an enabler...I must suss this one out Duckers...thanks for the truth of it honey. Peace

    Lindi we must be related!  This has happened to me twice- once 3 months turned into 7 and once 2 weeks turned into 6 weeks.  Ducky is right.  You aren't being mean asking the guy to leave..if you haven't set a time to go date do it today..."You've been here 4 mos and you need to leave by Feb 13th"  That way you'll wake up on the 14th having given yourself a nice valentines gift- Peace.

    lindilou

    Well Happy Valentimes cuz today was the day!! I had asked him to leave several times prior so...today was prime time....fin...eee-en...vamoos and adios..by-by...ciao...I love chocolates! ;)
    mycatsmom

    sounds like the brother on " Two and 1/2 Men "

    You sound a very nice person Lindilu,But you must look after yourself at the moment ,they will apreciate you by seeing that you have been good to them,if they are gueinine,

    lindilou

    You are right my friend...so right!
    Thanks.

    Be honest and ask him to leave. You don't have to give a reason be it good or bad. Just explain that it time for him to go and help himself. You've done you part.  KARMA likes honesty, too.....

    lindilou

    Thanks jh...I will do it. Peace.
    lindilou

    Did it. Thanks for this jh...very clear answer...eye heart you...this helped me alot! :)
    jhharlan

    So glad! And it wasn't as hard as you thought! Breath easier and welcome to YOUR home!!!!
    lindilou

    Aaaaaaaaah.....

    :)
    jhharlan

    You sound good.......
    lindilou

    Much better thanks...just kickin' back...catering to nobody but me and my low maintenance (sorta) girls...yep, aaaaaah! ;) Hope you is well too!

    I see your problem has a happy ending for you, I'm glad. In my area, if you invite someone to live with you and they won't leave by your request, they have the right to stay until you go through an eviction process. That can take up to one year. So, the moral is - Be careful whom you invite into your home.

    lindilou

    You are so right witchway..I've also realized that misrepresentation is a form of co-ercion that can take a while to "get"...I have been terribly naive and gullible in this situation and thank my lucky stars that in this case, the law is on my side. Peace xox

    I like the answers and what you did to solve your problem.


    My thought is helpfulness becomes interference when one is trying to control someone else's destiny and/or has his own agenda...again, control. If you prevent the person you are helping from being productive and independent, that is interference. 

    hector5559

    Its,all so bewildering,I think ill pop along and ask aKaqa,

    As the final step in helping, help them make an exit plan.


    Explain that you didn't mean to help them live with you.


    You are trying to help them find another resource that is suited for people in their situation.


    You are happy that you helped to meet their immediate need and, you know that they will be


    better off when they find something that will help them be more independent. After all, it's there life. Acquire a list of options for him, have them make the phone calls for themselves.


    What has made them homeless?


    Sorry, their already gone ! Well, next time.........


     


     

    lindilou

    The guy is still sort of homeless...supplied him with a tent, sleeping bag and backpack...and he's off...to who knows where and God[s] know what...and my life is so much better for it!! Thanks for your great answer bud[as in rosebud] and Peace!
    figtree3

    bud? no no this will never do.
    Unless 'bud and Peace' is your signature!
    lindilou

    Bud and Peace...that'll make a nice t-shirt!! lol
    (also...bud...as in buddy ole pal o' mine!!)

    I'm so glad you have this sorted, I've also been in the same predicament, I still help people, and in fact know at times I'm really being taken advantage of, seems with some the more you do the less they try and more is expected, I help still, but from a different angle, I help find them help but by finding sources that are equipped to provide them the assistance they need , that is other than taking them in, or providing finances to "get them through" just rarely works and make you feel bad when you are no longer either willing or able to provide assistance yourself, I can't quite remember the old saying but it sort of goes "give a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach him to fish and he eats forever" your a very kind soul 

    give them one month to find a job . And tell them you'll pay for their first and last months rent on an apartment.



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