4 Answers

What! You can’t be serious! You want to know that!!!

That is what not listening empathetically is like.

empathy |?emp?TH?|
noun
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
DERIVATIVES
empathetic |?emp??THetik|adjective,
empathetically |?emp??THetik(?)l?|adverb,
empathic |em?paTHik|adjective,
empathically |em?paTHik(?)l?|adverb
ORIGIN early 20th cent.: from Greek empatheia (from em- ‘in’ + pathos ‘feeling’) translating German Einfühlung .

Do not ask me, I could not care less!  ;-)

sorry computer to slow, posted twice by mistake.

It is very very hard!,  I think most people think it is easy, but in reality it is not, it means listening to someone and allowing them to speak and to hear them (without adding your own feelings, suggestions,  experiences, or judgments).  It gives the person who is talking an oppetunity to address more than the concern but helps them to discover the root of their concerns and sometimes even the solution, without your intervention.

Unless you have experienced what it is like to be truly listened to, I don't think you would know what it is like.  I am 36 years old and it has only been in the last year that I have learnt how it is done and experienced it for myself.  I still cannot do it, but I practise, in hope that one day I will be able to.

When someone truly hears you, it is amazing.  I had it once when on a course, I had to listen to someone and I was trying the skills I had been shown, it was so hard for me.... but when we were asked to review, I wanted to say how badly I had done, I was so self conscious about how all I wanted to do was screaming solutions, and explanations, and how I felt I was not listening because I hardly spoke, but my partner said that she felt a connection between us that was stronger then she had experienced with anyone else, she felt herd, and relieved.

This type of listening is hard, not because your expected to understand what they are saying or understand their feelings, or be sympathetic because of what they are saying, but because you have to understand and not inter-fear   That is not to say your not allowed to talk, but you have to hear that what they are saying belongs to them and them alone, and even if you have experienced the same thing, been in the same place, know how to fix it 100% guaranteed, not to share!

I am still learning, hope this helps to explain what it is like for me to practice listening empathetic-ally.  .... HARD :)