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    Do I respond or just "consider the source"?

    My sister and I haven't spoken for nearly a year for a number of reasons.  I've blocked her from calling or texting me because she's harassed me so much and don't say anything about her. My mom was admitted to the hospital yesterday with pneumonia, congestive heart failure, arterial fibrilation, and high blood pressure. My mother said not to call my sister, so I didn't. 


    This evening, an email from "FACEBOOK" lead me to the following comment my sister posted there:

    just heard that my 93 year old mother was hospitalized yesterday with pneumonia. My sister wanted to make sure I didn't hear about it or know where she is so I wouldn't be able to visit. No wonder no one has been answering the phone yesterday or this morning at my mom's house. 


    Needless to say, she received several sympathetic comments from know-nothings. I responded, truthfully, that my mom and I thought she and her husband were on vacation in Hawaii and didn't want to spoil their trip. I also singled out the people who jumped to a conclusion and suggested they were a little quick to condemn. 


    Would any of you defend yourself against this kind of defamation, or would you just let it slide. The thing that does bother me is how so many people think she is such a sweetheart... not a clue about how ugly and hateful she is to my mother and me.



    +11  Views: 922 Answers: 17 Posted: 7 years ago

    17 Answers

    It is so difficult to keep quiet and not defend yourself, when you are being trashed by someone, and you know that others are believing it.  We had/have one of those, in our family.  When my parents were sick and dying (both at the same time), we had our hands full but dear "uncle" felt that he knew best.  He was not allowed to get information from doctors or nurses (as instructed by my father) but still, he had all the answers.  He spread lots of misinformation among our family members which was believed, making us "the enemy"!  Over the years, I have never believed much of what I heard from him and I only hope that at least some, are also aware that "uncle" is a very vicious gossip. I've kept quiet knowing that his nasty ways will one day come right back to him and I hope, Bob,  that you can do the same.  You'll feel better in the long run.

    Bob/PKB

    Considering how many heartfelt questions and answers I have read over the past year or so, no other has struck me as being more straight from the heart. Thank you, Ducky; my empathy couldn't be stronger.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Same here Bob and thank you.

    I am sorry to hear about your Mom.  About your sister, you schould let it go. She is angry about not beeing informed about your Mom beeing hospitalized. Regardless of your relationship with her, she does have the right to know about her mothers condition. Maybe you schould have a talk with her,about what caused the problem between you and your sister in the first place.


    Resentment is poison that will only get worst if you let it go on. I hope your Mom will get better.I will pray for her. May God bless you and your family. xo/

    Bob/PKB

    Thank you Ann. My sister is angry because she thinks my mother does for me but not enough for her. She and my dad have done so much for both of us (and our children) that I find her demanding more is beyond atrocious. She pesters my mom all the time. I've blocked her from text messages and phone calls.
    Ann

    Bob, it happens a lot between siblings. Just try not to get involved in a war of words. It does not solve anything many times makes things worse. You have enough to worry about.
    Bob/PKB

    Thanks again, Ann. I feel anyone who knows how we grew up and heard what her anger is about would look at her and shake his head in absolute disbelief. I'm going to delete my FB account and she can have all the fun she wants there.

    It sounds as if your sister has the problem Bob,

    Bob/PKB

    It's on both of us, but I think you are right. She has gotten vicious.

    Facebook has been responsible for more trouble, anyone can "say what they think", or type and that send button has no filter!  Once it is gone, it's too late!  Most people with rage develop a "poison pen" and little thought of the ramifications is given.  At least on paper, you would read the end product and you would be more apt to edit, and maybe even throw it away, having felt a bit better having just written those thoughts.  I hate Facebook, and refuse to get involved with it.  With my old fashioned method,   I have thrown away a lot of messages on paper.  Most of the time I have been glad that I did, in hindsight,  it is very therapeutic, I think.

    A friend's 93 year old mother has just died and the situation with her siblings sounds identical to yours. This is a very trying time for all, and families that have hung together often fall apart when aged parents die. I hope your mother makes a recovery, but if the worst happens, remember this above all else - 'Beware of your Siblings'.

    Bob/PKB

    Our family has never hung together; this is just taking it to the next level. Lower.
    mycatsmom

    the real fighting starts AFTER the parent dies.
    Bob/PKB

    I am determined that I will not argue with my sister, should my mom predecease us. My best friend's brother ran his parents' estate into the ground being greedy. My parents have given to us since day 1; whatever they want done is what I will strive to do.

    I think I would correct the facts, and leave it at that. I wouldn't let ,yourself get dragged into an online war of words. Especially not on facebook...far too public, and too much chance of outsiders getting there nose into your business.

    Bob/PKB

    She has posted some new remarks this morning, and I am loathe to comment on them save to mention to the "world at large" on Facebook that "I blocked my sister from texting and calling me a month ago because of her non-stop harassment. Since she has chosen to bring her rage to a public forum, I have to choose which is more important to the big picture: 1. clean up HER crap on Facebook, or 2. clean up the dog's crap in my backyard. I'm getting the shovel and heading outside. You all can think whatever you want." Since I have written that HERE, I don't need to bother with Facebook.

    Hey Bob,


    Just avoid facebook for a few days.  What your sister is doing is painful and highly inflammatory but, in the end, not as important as taking care of your mom.


    It might be time for your mom to talk to your sister- your mom has complicated the situation by placing you in the middle.

    Bob/PKB

    I blocked my sister from my FB, so I won't have to put up with any email notices that someone has commented about this or that. Umbriel makes a good point. My sister wearies my mom even more than I do. She visited for a short while on Friday, with Mom's caregiver in the room the whole time. AND she alerted the nurses' station (right outside my mom's door) that if my sister became abusive, please come and ask her to leave.
    Sister sent me a snotty email. I deleted it. I have almost bitten through my tongue, but I'd rather do that than stoop to her level.

    Reading these comments reminds me of a quotation:


     '' The family, the most grotesque social unit ever conceived '.


    I believe it was coined by Auberon Waugh, but if Umbriel reads this I am sure he will elucidate.

    itsmee

    '' The family, the most grotesque social unit ever conceived “
    I’d read the book. I’ve heard the quote before but just lately I’ve truly come to understand it.

    Thank you, nondeplume

    Sorry to hear about your Mom! I hope she will stabilize and be comfortable! Ignore your sister! She just wants to be the center of attraction! Don't look at facebook.  Just help Mom be comfy and take care of yourself! You have way too many troubles for a young woman!

    Bob/PKB

    Thanks, clu. You are right. The focus is on Mom and her getting well. She seems to be making some good progress and I am prayerful she will get home in a couple more days. :D

    I also have a similar situation currently with one of my brothers. Refreshing to see so many non-hostile people willing to ignore or forgive. I am not one of them. My brother lives 1,500 miles away, lucky for him. The lord will punish him one day, but I'm getting a piece of his a** first.

    Bob/PKB

    I'll bet you do, too!

    Bobby girl this is tough...sometimes we get stuck with the most wretched people in life...gads that one sister o' mine lemme tell ya...but I won't. Sometimes it's best to avoid doing anything...however, given hindsight here I think you handled this graciously and with solid demeanor...given that...let her suck rocks! (Oy! Did I say that out loud Bob?) (LOL)  ;)

    Bob/PKB

    They must be sour rocks; she has a horrible expression on her face (it can't be just that I'm in the same room)

    I have almost an identical problem with my sister, I emphasize with you, but this time you have already explained your reasoning to her and I think it might be best let go, you know you did the right thing and that's what matters

    Bob/PKB

    I feel for YOU, lambshank.

    I'm sorry  Bob/PKB


    Some famous author wrote "Hell is other people."  (That came to mind.)


    I think FB causes a lot of problems, hurt feelings, and anger.


    I'm outta  there. Good luck.


    I do miss you.

    Bob/PKB

    I have a FB account, but you won't find me there an hour throughout the entire year.
    lindilou

    itsmee!!!! How the heck are ya doin' babe? Long time no speak...I've been quite literally working my bum off at the fishfry joint...and lovin' it...the checks are good!! Oh wonders never cease!! Love ya kid...good to see ya!!! ;)
    itsmee

    (((lindilous))) Good to see you.

    I'm confused about who wrote the F B  entry......was it you or your sister ?  At any rate, when you're dealing with a 93 yr. old mother who's about to die, the time not to communicate with your siblings should be put aside. I've been down that path with my late mother and my brother.  

    Bob/PKB

    My sister made the accusation. My mother was asked if she wanted us to call my sister and my mother said, and I quote, "No". I have blocked my sister from calling or sending text messages due to incessant harassment from her. Her last text said if I did what she said, we would not be "enemies" anymore. Had my mother asked me to contact my sister, I would have done so immediately.
    mycatsmom

    PKB- - -thank you for clarifying that. Now, ask yourself how Jesus would tell you to handle the situation .
    Bob/PKB

    I think Jesus would be disappointed in both of us. It's all I can do to say nothing.

    Take it for what it worst, never fight fire with fire , or two wrong don't make it right bc, life is too short for these childish issue,You need to focus on you mum health first shurely you can put your difference asside until your mon recover and feeling better, don;t let negative steal you away from your mom love.

    Hei,


    otan osaa kansasi miten voi olla joskus vaikeaa


    oman perheen kanssa.


    Mutta aina on nähtävä uuteen päivään se jokin on vielä edessä.


    tv. Reijo H.

    Bob/PKB

    English translation?
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Google translation,

    "Hello,

    I'll be part of how people can sometimes be difficult to

    your family.

    But it is always seen as one of a new day, it is still to come.

    TV. Reijo H."
    Bob/PKB

    Thank you Colleen. I appreciate your taking the time and effort to get that for me. PKB

    Bob, So sorry to hear the news about your Mom. Prayers go out to her, you and the rest of your family. On the matter of your sister, turn the other cheek and let bygones be bygones and come together as a family. Simply stated - Family is family, period.



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