Ok. So I have had this crush on this guy because he is super hot but I think we are really good friends and I don't want to ruin our friendship, what should I do? :(

    I'm also dreading having to go away on vacation with him, for one week. They are all staying in seperate house, but we will be eating with them and doing activities with them and I really don't want to see him there although we are friends!! I'm just dreading it

    +5  Views: 1976 Answers: 4 Posted: 11 years ago

    4 Answers

    Be really good friends with him. When your heart is not answered by him or affections from him, you will seek another to have a crush on without even knowing it. We do a lot of things subconsciously in order to move away from feelings that hurt. You'll be fine. Just appreciate his friendship. Relationships are based on friendship first. You already have most of what you should want from him. The rest you can live without as long as you have him as a friend. Or so you should be able to anyway.   


    Everytime I'm around him, he so nice to me, but just in a friendly way. I would hate to break our friendship over something like this.

    This is all up to you. If you can understand he only wants a friendship and be fine with that, then you will not have to break things off.

    A little bit from my world....I am a lesbian. I have many female friends who are straight. There have been occasions when I've found myself attracted to one of my friends. I have to keep it secret though because I respect my friends and would never, ever put them in a position where they may be uncomfortable around me. My feelings are my responsibility and it's up to me to keep them in check. The way I deal with it is this, I believe I love and or care about this person very much. It makes me happy to be around them. I enjoy their company. Do I want to lose all that because of selfish feelings? (Yes, feeling sorry for yourself because it hurts to want someone who does not want you is selfish). To break off a friendship for that reason is more you trying to punish them than it is for any other reason. I continue to love my friend and mentally keep her at the level of friend because that's where she belongs. I do not acknowledge any feelings for her out side of friendship. I keep my feelings in check and I enjoy the gift of her company. You can do this too if he truly is that important to you. If you truly love him, you will want the best for him, not the best for you. This means that if he does get a girlfriend and is happy with her, you will be happy for him. Not angry and hurt. Enjoy how he makes you feel but keep your feelings in check. Do not burden him with something he can not give back to you. Love him but respect his space in life.

    I find it really hard to find boys Im generally interested in. We would be a really good couple, because we like all the same stuff. I would just hate it if I asked him out and he rejects me. Then I would be broken. I always think its easy for me to move on after boys. But my last boyfriend left me for a friend of mine because he said that when I was around him she was always there and he saw more in her than me and now it's harder for me to move on.

    You will find ways to deal with all this the more you grow and the more you get involved in boys and dating. It's very rare that your first love remains your only love for life. Every relationship brings a new journey, a new level of self awareness and new experiences. Enjoy them all no matter where they lead you.

    Thank you Colleen. You are very right in saying he defiantly will not be the only love of my life.

    Listen to Colleen! She is very wise! I have been in your situation and have 'overcome' my desire to flirt, date, etc with some men...I have a fabulous friendship with one and his entire family! It brings me great joy to be a part of all of their lives! I would much rather have his friendship and our shared platonic 'love' than be rejected by him and not be a part of his and his family's fun times and life! It would be a tremendous loss! (I have dated other men and eventually 'lost' them and their families- through break-ups...No More!)

    Preserve your friendship

    Be the friend you want your friends to be to you.  
    You are the one who is tripping on the vacation. Go and enjoy.  

    I Have been on n off with the same person since i was 17 yrs. old we are now back 2gether for good...I am a lesbian... however I do give good advice...cause turn's out now not only do i get 2 b with my very best friend..but also the love of my life....If ur feeling's r that strong 4 him n if he is a good friend 2 you...he shouldn't b angry or stop being ur friend

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