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    What do you have to say about this?

    We were given a lovely gift from a married couple not long ago. It was too expensive but I didn't feel like saying, "Oh, we're not worth all that. Please give us something less." (Yes, it's family)


    Anyway, one member of the couple is now complaining about the gift. (The gift was followed up by another  fairly expensive gift - a camera) She says these two gifts are destroying their credit rating. I can't get in touch with the the person who actually sent the gift. (They are out of the country)


    At present I don't want to answer the phone to the boiling hot family member.  I think maybe the other family member is waiting until Father's Day to get in touch with us.    Help!


    I would appreciate your input on what I might do to make this situation better. 

    +5  Views: 2674 Answers: 15 Posted: 11 years ago
    lindilou

    I am so glad that this outcome is pleasing itsmee! Good on ya babe!
    mycatsmom

    I'm sort of confused about who said who's credit rating was destroyed by buying these expensive gifts? .......the giver, or the person who took exception to the giver giving you expensive gifts, and not her.

    15 Answers

    To h*ll with them, just keep clicking away.

    itsmee

    This struck me reallllly funny, ed. click click clickety clack click click clickey clack ....

    Itsmee, please divorce your family and start again. The gifts are not destroying the credit rating. Their inability to pay their bill is. They are adults. They need to stop over spending. 

    itsmee

    I would really like to divorce HALF of the married couple but I don't know if that trick is possible. Arghhhh!
    (It's a daughter-in-law thing.)
    itsmee

    Your comment gave me some strength. Thank you.
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Tell her to take her complaints to her husband.
    lambshank

    itsmee,I can empathize with you,I have similar problems with my daughter in law,she borrowed thousands from her father and myself,didn't tell my son and now denies any knowledge,only a teeny thing she forgot-I have the bank transfer records,however if I make a fuss I will lose contact with my son and grandchildren...sigh
    itsmee

    Oh, lamb: We really should get together over tea some day. I have told only a small part of my story here. It sounds like you're going over the same rough ride......omg Thousands!!
    mycatsmom

    I'd like to divorce my brother's wife.She's the sister-in-law from H- --.

    If they can travel out of the country they probably have more money than you think! Just say thanks and please don't keep giving me too expensive gifts- I' d rather have a nice visit! (That is if you would like the visit) lol:)

    millie111

    Great answer clu!!:-)

    Just take a picture with a big smile and a Thank You note, And may there be more days like this.

    itsmee

    I won’t frame it. I’ll leave that part up to my daughter-in-law. Ha!

    Oh, @itsmee. I don't know what to write that can top what @Collen wrote.  Choosing to give an expensive gift is not the receiver's problem. It would have been in bad taste to refuse it. The lack of manners is not yours.....Sleep well (when you can)   jhh

    mycatsmom

    jh,that's what my mom taught me too :-)
    Our moms must have learned it at Mother School .

    Whatever ever they spent t consider your self worth it, they should have thought it through before spending the money. their all adults so why worry why not take some great pictures of your family and tell them it's priceless to capture the moments on film..

    I don't want you to be stricken with guilt any more.  You should immediately wrap the camera up and put it in a parcel box, take it down to the post office, and mail it directly to me.  I will have all the guilt dumped on my shoulder.


    Nah, don't worry, itsmee.  You did NOT ask for the gifts.  They were given to you.  Enjoy them, guilt-free!

    I'm gobsmacked Itsmee.Like it's your problem? Sit them down & tell them next time they have to discuss any gift with you before they purchase. If you really want to pull them out of the poo perhaps you could offer to make a payment on their maxxed out credit card.(If you can afford it).It does sound like they are trying to back you into a corner.

    lambshank

    I think I would politely refuse any future gifts
    itsmee

    I'm not going to make any moves until we hear from our son. He's in a dangerous part of the country on his job assignment. (a lawless part of Peru) I'm worried. It's not like him to not stay in touch.
    Tommyh


    I hope he's ok Itsmee.If he got your common sense I'm sure he can take care of himself tho.:)

    I agree with Colleen, in that it is not your fault that they overspend what they can afford and then can't pay their bills. But also, if one gift is supposedly causing this problem...that problem was already existing before the gift in mention. One gift doesn't tip that cart over, it was already on its way over...and you are just convenient to blame it on.


    They need to grow up and take responsibility for their choices, instead of trying to find someone to blame their choices on! Unfortunately, sometimes family suck more than strangers! Don't feel bad, I have blood relatives, that I would just as soon go get a blood transfusion if it would break that connection. Years ago I came to one conclusion...they just really suck, and they always have, and probably always will.

    itsmee

    "they just really suck, and they always have, and probably always will"
    Shootah's wise comment on some of the people who share our blood or marry into it.
    I thought my daughter-in-law had made a breakthrough and we would be friends. NOT SO.
    Shootah

    Yeah...sometimes it hurts to call them family! I've had friends I'd more consider family...and probably really would if the need come down to it.

    Send them a Thank You note and inclose about a 50% refund (if you can) and say thank you but you overspent.

    itsmee

    If I did that, I would have overspent. : /
    Headless Man

    lol, I see.....:)

    YOU did nothing wrong!!..I think they are so wrong to have let their problem make you feel bad!..imho THEY SHOULD NEVER HAVE INVOLVED YOU in their arguement..how rude of them:-¬...I`d write them a gushing thank you note and say that you are overwhelmed by their generosity!!;-)....It ob hasn`t stopped their travelling..they don`t sound as if they`ve had to remortgage their house..They really should have thought out their budget and not involved you..DON`T FEEL GUILTY...Enjoy the gifts and on their part..hopefully they`ve learned a valuable lesson for the future!!


    All the best,millie 

    You accepted the gift graciously, as is the way it should have been given,the shame and guilt is on them, it's not your fault, I would ask if they would like the gift returned to them to do with as they wish (perhaps sell it) I would also explain that any joy you may have had with the camera is now destroyed, I would also make it clear that, as mentioned previously, a visit would suffice, obviously they are living beyond their means if a couple of expensive gifts should not have destroyed their credit rating,if you decide to keep the camera, send them a few nice pictures, but whatever you decide there is no need for you to feel guilty, they should be more responsible.

    Blow the stuff up!!!


    ""

    lindilou

    I try never to mess with married couples itsmee...ever. But it seems that's not an option here...lemme see...Shootah has a greeaat answer...me? I don't believe in "indian giving" so to speak...or guilt trips...tell the boy he married the wrong bi..oops..person and ...no..sorry. Okay, how about this...avoidance!! Tell them you've become a Yogi and yoga instructor and will be going on the road with your new found calling and won't be back for a good long while, and that you would love to chat but the VW van is waiting out front honking the horn and Ravi and Astara are waiting...then say..have a good life kids...see ya...I'll write!!! It works every time!!! Aha! Peace.
    lambshank

    maybe moved to Bolivia? (I say that when I'm on leave from work,so they don't call me in)
    itsmee

    lindilou, I am going to tell the kids that YOU are their real mother and I'll just step outta it.
    itsmee

    lambshank! How far is Bolivia from Peru?!! (That might not work because maybe he is in the vicinity)
    lindilou

    They will be so surprised! Wait 'til they see the Bigfoot teepee we live in...their creditcard company'll never find them!!!! Sure...send 'em out...well, perhaps just the female..I mean woman...we can use a spare housekeeper..I mean...some company...out here!!! Bwahahaha!
    itsmee

    lambshank: I looked on my map and Bolivia is really and truly not that far from southern Peru. It's funny that you picked that location. Ha ha.
    millie111

    :-)..that seems to be a popular answer on several questions this am!!LOL...or were rhey all your answers..i cant remember??...FUNNY though;-)) XX
    lindilou

    I was on a rampage!!!! No particular reason...it just seemed appropriate at the time!!! Nothing like a few fireworks!!! LOL! ;D

    I would offer to give them back whatever they wanted back, although I don't think that I would give them credit for it :)

    I'd pack them up and post them back. I wouldn't wait for them to come back from overseas.

    lindilou

    Wot? No dynamite? ;(
    itsmee

    I believe the problem is over. The friendly part of the couple (our son) called us from Peru and nothing was said -- not one word. In this lifetime no words will be exchanged. He did get a sizeable raise. : D
    We will remain friends with our son. I believe it's done and over with our daughter-in-law. (Actually it was over a long long time ago but I had high hopes that she had changed)
    I got all sorts of advice here and I am very grateful for akaqa.
    lindilou

    See! Everything changes...but we do still need that maid itsmee so if she ever becomes a problem for you again...just crate 'er up and send 'er up...I'm assuming you know I'm practically at the Arctic circle!?! hahaha! Send a parka! Oh and earmuffs....sounds like I may need 'em! hahaha! ;D Peace baby!
    itsmee

    I will keep that in mind. Heh!


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