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    if your husband has cheated 7 times in 25 years is it time to get a divorce

    +3  Views: 2008 Answers: 32 Posted: 12 years ago

    32 Answers (1-30 Displayed)

    .

    Russrocks

    Clearly the man is a dud, but in this case the woman is to for not leaving him long ago.

    The first time:  Shame on him!


    The second time: Shame on you! That's if you stay for a third, fourth, fifth, ..............time.


    If you knew about the previously six times and stayed, why wouldn't he do it a seventh time? Your husband knows that you will put up with his behavior and will always be there. 25 years is a long time to be with someone. And from your post, only YOU was committed to this marriage. So, the question is..................?


    What do you want for yourself?

    Sounds like you've put up with enough, best get rid of him. But it's your life.

    If you cant trust him- leave him. That is no way to live.

    Why didn't you leave long ago? Kick the bum out?

    I think a lot of us are scratching our heads here.  This is the question that you need to answer for yourself:  How did you decide to stay the first 6 times- what was the reason?  Has that changed now?  Have you changed (He obviously has not) ?  Are you ready to leave?                                           I'm not convinced his cheating is the true motivating factor for your wanting to move on.  Whatever you feel is best for you is what I suggest you do at this point.


     

    lindilou

    I scratched my head over this one too...until I caught the flea that had mistaken me for a cat...immediately I thought...ROMOS!!!...your circus has gotten away on you again!!!
    lindilou

    ...fleamily?LOL!You are a funny one Doc!!!!

    Your situation sounds very similar to my first marriage. I tried everything including not caring, revenge, and burying myself into my church, but only found happiness when I finally decided I was worth more than that, and left. Go now and be happy!  

    lindilou

    Beautifully put!!

    I hate with all of my heart to tell people to leave a spouse, but you deserve better then to stay with a cheating husband. You should not have to put up with this. He doesn't respect or love you if he cheats. My advice is to leave him. Don't let him walk all over you.

    Seems a pattern has formed. This is a question only the two of you can resolve. Good luck.

    Should have pulled the plug on him a long time ago. Why do so many women put up with this craziness.

    Ann

    Its not easy to walk, if there are children involved and she does not have family support.
    Single mothers many times are the poorest of the poor.
    ed shank

    Ann, your right. My wife and I recruited many volunteers to temporarily provide housing for mostly physically abused women. We have located a building that is currently being renovated to accommodate up to twenty abused women with their children, temporarily. Training is being offered by local adult programs to those who want it, to provide career oportunities, as most have very little or no marketable skills.
    lindilou

    Thank You for the things you are doing to help...one of the most crucial aspects of "leaving" is non-contact with the abuser for an extended period of time during which empowerment councelling for the victim is imperative!This is the period during which many victims are suckered in to returning,oft called ingloriously the "honeymoon" period.Do you make this effort of no-contact at your safe house?Please do if not as it is a ploy that works!!!Peace to you and yours...and Love,lots and lots of Love!!
    ed shank

    Lindilou, we definitely will take your idea under advisement. Thank you.
    Bob/PKB

    THANK YOU for taking steps to provide something which is needed too often in today's world. I would be really interested in getting any information you have available for the possiblity of establishing something similar in this armpit of the woods. (I'd say neck, but....it's Fresno)
    Tommyh

    Good work Ed.You are a legend!
    ed shank

    Thank you all for your kind words. I initially suggested to my wife that something has to be done to protect woman who have become the victims of violence after a woman showed up at our door one evening after being severely beaten by her husband who was chasing her while see was trying to get away from him. She was shaking uncontrollably as my wife was attending to her injuries. We called 911. Her husband attempted to shove his way through the door and I assured him the top of his head would be across the street if he didn't leave immediately. He did and was later arrested at his home. She stayed with us for three days. She moved to NY to stay with family a week later. We stay in contact but it was this incident that started the ball rolling. Response from the community has been tremendous. The bastard made bail three hours later.

    Your husband treats you badly and you are already very aware of that, aren't you? Do you know WHY he treats you badly? 


    BECAUSE HE CAN!  If you want this to continue, stay together.  If not, it's over!

    It is entirely up to you... Is this something you can live with? He is not going to change. 

    Uuh...lessen your losses today....walk...no...RUN away!So that'll be a yay from me!!!

    doolittle

    Well, Romos should be warned that his fleamily is hopping away from him! :)
    doolittle

    I can't take credit for the 'fleamily'..but it is a riot!

    The first time would have done it for me, personally I'd also be concerned about STD's

    Take a gamble and stick around; I mean they say 8 is a lucky number too.

    dowsa

    Yes he could have a "Heart attack.

    it does not sound good,there is no respect or honesty.

    I'm with @Umbriel here, I know it hasn't only been 7 times, just 7 times caught. Your first mistake was meeting him at the alter...........

    dowsa

    He did "Falter at the alter with lying words instead of the wedding "Vows he took with her.
    jhharlan

    "Falter at the alter", I like that and will steal it from you and make like it's my own cleverness....
    Bob/PKB

    TU to dowsa on that one.
    TU to you, jhharlan, for reading my mind.. again.

    Well, let's take the other side of the coin and list good reasons to NOT get a divorce.
    1.     

    ....I'm gonna need some help here

    lindilou

    ....hmmmm...d-uh...well I had it ....but it's gone.....I'll get back to ya!!
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Uhh...mmm..hm...I'm thinking...uh...
    doolittle

    ??? money ???
    Tommyh

    Some women find themselves in a very difficult situation.
    1. thehaven't worked in years so the have no job & no references.
    2. They have no money because the cheating son of a bitch handles all the money.
    3. They have no where to go.All they have is a broken heart & a clutch of hungry kids to feed.
    Trust me.I have known women who have put up with violent,abusive,cheating husbands for 25 years just to hold onto whatever little financial security they have.
    Howso?

    Sorry, Bob, can't help you here. This one is too far gone, I Feel. :-/

    Is he taking you for granted, maybe its time you started to go out, and enjoy life abit also.

    Sounds like you're keeping score. Time to call the game due to inclement weather.

    You are in a good company of Jacqueline Kennedy, Danielle Mitterand, Hillary Clinton, Silda Wall Spitzer and Anne Sinclair. They never divorced their big time cheating husbands...

    It's up to you only

    I would have to first and foremost recommend you see a mental hygienist yesterday, NO make that 25 years ago.

    lindilou

    Hahahahaha!thanx for the chuckle dad59!!!

    Since you haven't gotten rid  of him, perhaps keep him around until he hits #12?

    Ok, for you to stay in a marriage with that much infidelity, what are you doing? There's 2 sides to a story. How many times have you cheated on your husband? How many times have you had sex with someone just for get back purposes? As dumb as it may sound, it's like I can see you smiling when you posted this, knowing that you would receive sympathetic replies. Not from me, I don't care if you were a stay at home mom with 10 kids, being cheated on is grounds for divorce, especially 7 times come on now. A one night stand may be acceptable for forgiveness, and try to move on, but 7 times that's a crime.

    lindilou

    Tell it like it is baby!!!

    It's way past time sweety! It was time after the first instance. You must be very patient,or insecure or just plain bloody stupid. Give him the flick while you still have some time left to be happy.

    Bob/PKB

    Valid excuses you gave me and I thank you. Not valid reasons, though....I'd have stayed in my pitiful "marriage" until death did we part. Feel blessed he took flight NOW, but it was devastating at the time.

    You should have got a divorce after the 1st time he cheated on you.

     don't think it's related to how many times and/or how many years.  It depends on what you want and don't want.  Do you feel you might be too poor if you get a divorce.  That might be a good reason not to get a divorce.  Are you afraid you might get a disease.  That might be a good reason to get a divorce.  It really means you should take a good look at what you need and don't need and what you can afford and can't afford alone.  I see ladies who's husband left them for another woman and they are walking around asking for quarters from strangers.  Think about you life with him and without while calculating your decision.

    Howso?

    Yes, tabber, to a point, I think.

    If you know about  seven times, I guarantee there were more that weren't  exposed,  or known to you  about.   He's serial.   And it won't stop unless he's  castrated,  and then what good is he to you?!   Realize a new life with your dreams and ambitions and start anew!!  Rally your your allies,  friends and family!!  Think about it,  what could you have in your new life?  Freedom to be yourself without him having to be the ugly focal point.  Free to be/do what what you want.  Lead your life.    Best!

    Bob/PKB

    Your very first sentence were my sentiments exactly; you worded it perfectly!
    Howso?

    Thanks, Bob. Just seems logical in a very emotional and mentally challenging situation. Surely pray for her, the best!
    Russrocks

    Why do so many people treat the ones they love so poorly? Because they can.
    Russrocks

    Why do so many people treat the ones they love so poorly? Because they can.
    Russrocks

    Why do so many people treat the ones they love so poorly? Because they can.
    Russrocks

    Why do so many people treat the ones they love so poorly? Because they can.
    Russrocks

    Why do so many people treat the ones they love so poorly? Because they can.
    Russrocks

    Why do so many people treat the ones they love so poorly? Because they can.
    Russrocks

    Why do so many people treat the ones they love so poorly? Because they can.
    Russrocks

    Why do so many people treat the ones they love so poorly? Because they can.

    after SEVEN long years...could you honestly trust him again?...OR believe he won`t do it again!!...Do you want to spend the rest of eternity being eaten up with insecurity and continually want to test him out to see if he`s cheating??....how would he feel if it was YOU doing the cheating...I bet he`d go mad!!....He`s lying to youand taking you for granted that you`ll still be there for him...SO WHY NOT CALL HIS BLUFF...PACK HIS BELONGINGS AND TELL HIM YOU CAN DO BETTER...KICK ASS!... and then when you`re ready go out and find someone who appreciates you and deserves you!!...friends will probably rally round you and help you through the worst!!:-)


    all good luck,


    millie xxxx



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