23 Answers

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

12 years ago. Rating: 25
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12 years ago. Rating: 23
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9 Months Later...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said.'We'll be happy to sleepin the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared,and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out,but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked,'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' said Bob
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, ' I have to admit
that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'

12 years ago. Rating: 23
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A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA, about 3 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole country is looking for work.

12 years ago. Rating: 21
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Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks.  
"Oh, look!" cried out one.  "Deer tracks!"
"Those aren't deer tracks," said the second.  "Those are bear tracks."
While they were arguing, the train hit them both. 

12 years ago. Rating: 20
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Kelly wants to meet you...

In case anyone feels offended please don't. It's one of the adds that keeps popping up in our akaQA site...

 This one... is something else; his name is Borat

12 years ago. Rating: 19
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"For your own good" is a persuasive argument that will make a man agree to his own destruction

12 years ago. Rating: 18
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Whats one thing in common between a hurricane , tornado , and east texas divorce.

 

someone is going to lose a mobilhome.

12 years ago. Rating: 17
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12 years ago. Rating: 16
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My check...............

12 years ago. Rating: 15
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Confucius say: Hole happy, whole body happy.

Confucius say: If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.

Confucius say: Girl should not marry basketball player: he dribbles before he shoots.

Confucius say: Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for joy.

Confucius say: Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!

Confucius say: Boy who goes to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.

 

 

12 years ago. Rating: 15
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ME........

.

12 years ago. Rating: 15
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12 years ago. Rating: 15
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 I've just had my teeth crowned...

12 years ago. Rating: 14
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Ihave allready put my photo on here, WHAT more do you want??

12 years ago. Rating: 11
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Leosmami,  Thank you for your request.  I've had a very sad day and reading these jokes has made me feel a hell of a lot better, isn't it nice to have friends who care.

 

12 years ago. Rating: 10
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DOWSA .Made love to a Flea the other night "Felt frisky .(Know the feeling ) When I sobered up "What ! have I done !! I cried with a "Smile on My Face. The Flea was smiling as well .Being a big hearted guy "Oh I am so so sorry "Why the Flea replied .Well being a small Female! "OH the Flea said "Who told I was a Female ,and "Smiled again.Now the Moral of this Story "Look before you touch" "Oh there is an Advert in GLASGOW Market FLEAS FOR SALE..( wonder why )

12 years ago. Rating: 9
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You!. It is always better to be the person laughed at and you cause the laughter, than to laugh at someone else. Makes you wonderfully popular with everyone. And you feel happy too!

12 years ago. Rating: 9
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Two men walk into a bar and the first one orders an H20. The second man says "That sounds good. I'll have an H20, too" .  The second man died...... (got this off of a biologist post on FB....)

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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leosmami hope you are feeling better!  A man told me this joke at the dentist office about 3 weeks ago.    Here goes:   The waiter came out bringing a man's dinner on a tray.  The waiter was poking the man's streak with his finger.  The man said, "What are you doing with your finger on top of my steak?"  The waiter said,  so it won't fall on the floor . . . again.

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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At the men’s seminar last week, the rabbi asked Shlomo about his marriage.   Schlomo replied that he had been married for almost 50 years. The rabbi was impressed and asked him to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.  Shlomo replied to the assembled husbands, “I’ve tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, let her keep a Kosher home, take her on trips and never look at other women.   Best of all, I took her to Israel for our 25th anniversary!”   The rabbi responded, ”Shlomo, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!   Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?   ”Shlomo proudly replied, "I'm going back to Israel to pick her up."

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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A plumper  came to fix a sink at a home he knocked on the front door he heard somebody say who is? It is the plumper I have come to fix the sink but nobody came to the door he waited a a couple minutes then he knocked again he heard who is it? same as before nobody came he waited a couple mintues and knocked who is it? nobody came again this started get on his nerves he knocked again who is? then he said it is the plumber I have  come to fix the sink he wait five minute knocked again who is it? he said it is the plumber I have come to fix the sink nobody came the waited ten mintues he was starting to get a little angry then he knocked again who is it? he said it is the plumber come to fix the sink he waited only a couple minutes and pounded on the door who is it? it is the plumber come to fix the sink he howled then fell over dead when the homeowner came home who is it? it is the plumber come to fix the sink  the culprit

12 years ago. Rating: 5
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Thank you everyone and apologies for the delay in acknowledging your replies xx

12 years ago. Rating: 4
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