6 Answers

Distant people are difficult to understand.  It sounds like he might be afraid of being hurt again.  Fear can cause you to do many crazy and sometimes destructive things.  How long has he been separated or divorced?? How was he hurt by his girls mom??? How long have you two been together?  Sometimes giving a person time solves the problem- sometimes it does not.  Does he treat you well or is he mean, hurtful, or physically abusive? (If he doesn't trat you well- get out NOW).

Do you love him?  Love is complicated...The lust, fireworks, and infatuation that many explain as love at the beginning of a relationship often changes as time goes on. A very popular Biblical verse at weddings is 1st Corinthians 13:4...Loveis patient, love is kind...(google it).  If after reading it and applying it to your feelings and relationship you can say you are in love then you can give it more time, or gently tell him that You have become concerned because You feel that their is distance in the reationship (put it in the I feel frame..don't put it on him..then listen carefully to what he says.  Guys can get 'distant' for reasons women do not (problems at work, financial worries)  so it is important to listen carefully. 

he does not want to should any affection in public , he keeps telling me that he is very private. but behind closed doors he is very loveable.

QUITE EASY DISTANTS ,DOES NOT AFFECT,ONES LOVE.

He is an alcoholic....."drinks liquor everyday".  He has told you exactly who he is......"does not want love or affection".  Sixteen years is a long time to still be blaming someone else for the life he leads.

When a man tells you who he is..BELIEVE HIM!!! One more thing...you can't change him or help him!!    Run.

he will not hold my hand in public , we walk side by side like two strangers.

its been 16 years when he got hurt  , his girls mother is a drug addict .  he says that he does not want any love affection from nobody , because sooner or later they will leave him. he drinks straight liguor every day, to hide his pain.