16 Answers

Keep bringing it up Itsmee. If the kid has problems at 5 now is the time for her to get him some much needed help. Don't wait until he is 18 & in jail. If she is a good friend she will either listen to you or start avoiding you if she is not.

I say wait until she wants to talk about it. She is bound to do so sooner or later.........

I think you should talk honestly and straight to your friend, especially if you are concerned for either her or her son, there should be few reasons for good friends not to talk about personal issues. Just the way I go about life, not for everybody of course.

As much as it bothers you, you will have to drop the subject. Your friend seems to be in denial. How sad. He needs to be evaluated to find out what the problem is. It schould have been done a long time ago.

If she is your friend why beat around the bush, talk to her , you got some great sound advice here my thoughts are just get straight to the point. Who knows perhaps she really needs someone now and needs support both physcaly as well as emotionaly.

If you have known her for ten years -did she not want to discuss personal problems before her son was born? Or has the son been why she doesn't want to talk it over? She may see her son as a refection of herself.

When I have brought up the elephant in the room and received a similar response, I reply that if my friend ever wants to talk about it, I'll be a good listener.  That's the last time I mention it. 

Ducky

I'm with you Bob/PKB...sometimes people will talk later...sometimes not ever...they can decide.

Maybe- If in your area there is a seminar or any kind of public information  that is similar to her son- you could invite her to go with you . You know --- Just for information  Sometimes sneaking in the side door will work.  I'm glad you are concerned for your friend! Sometimes it's easier to pretend there is no trouble.

I have a friend who seems to keep ignoring my advice to go to a doctor at the VA, he's a vet and looks pale and sick. Has problems with stomach and back, but just wont listen. I keep telling him he needs to go to the doctor, but I suppose some people are just in denial?

Just keep being yourself and tell her that you are bringing it up because you care. Maybe you could do some research online and find out what the next step should be for her to take and possibly email her some helpful information?

Hope this helps IM? Glad she has a friend like you who truly cares, keep being a good friend

She may need to hear it from someone else.. A teacher, husband, doctor.. It sounds like you are her safe place and she wants here time with you where everything is 'good' and 'normal'.... 

Because she is a true old friend, obviously she knows your background with children. Secondly, everytime you have brought up the subject, she has not encouraged you. So my philosophy is: Is the problem YOURS or HERS. iF its hers do not give unsolicited help- you may have a surprise coming.  She either has a plan  or thinks you are interfereing with her family matters. I Know  it is painful to see this helplessly but ...such is life, dear.

itsmee,I wish you luck, you have got some good advice.  Do what is best for the childs future, Is it possible to have a word with, Child care worker, for advice.

" say when ever it seems like you can say something and she will hear you . . . say something ."

I will stay attentive to a clearing. I worked with preschool children for 20 years. One night about midnight a mom called me and told me that her boyfriend was getting after her 6-year-old son and her 4-year-old daughter. This mom wore her skirts real short and wore a ton of makeup (Not that that has anything to do with it)  She was a sweet, caring woman for all I knew. (This was about 15 years ago)

I asked her why she called me and she said that she knew I’d report it. I called the police and the rest of the story stays pretty much a mystery. I do know the kids were taken away somewhere and I didn’t hear from the mom. Preschool teachers are mandated to report child abuse.

The situation I have spoken about is not child abuse. Thank God. Thanks for posting, tabber. I needed it.  I believe parents really do want to do the right thing.I believe that wife in your brother’s home hears every word. She’ll never tell you though.  : )

If she brings the subject up, listen empathetically and try to help if she asks you to.

I have had excellent advice here. I believe I’ll let it go for now. There is no danger. At some point she will get the guidance she needs. 

itsmee i know exactly exactly how you feel about this situation.  i find myself in it more than i care to talk about.  i tend to say something to parents whenever something does not look or seem right. my better half told me i should not speak to the parents about their kids. if i see a parent being mean to kid at the mall i always start a conversation with the parent.  but you know what . . . who in the heck is going to take up for the kids if some of us grown ups don't.  there is an adopted kid in my brother's home and i suggest things to his wife about getting him more exercise and reading to him etc.  it kind of falls on death ears.  i know how you feel.  i say when ever it seems like you can say something and she will hear you . . . say something . . . but when you feel the time is right.  that's one of my big problems, i take up for kids too much.  but i love it and feel it is my god blessed duty.  i saw a young teen on tv saying how she wished adults would have spoken up for her when they saw she was in trouble.  LOL