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    At my witts end....

    School for my son has been hard on all of us... My duaghter does not get the attention or praise she deserves for her school work, my hubby works and then comes home every night to teach him math. I study every other subject he brings home everyday....


    Since HS started he does not comunicate about his school work. It is like pulling teeth. Hubby still tries to asist with math I still try to teach and study for other classes. But he is not forthcoming about what he is doing on class.


    He is ashamed that he does not understand the work. He is embarassed.  But he is also lazy.  I cant do anymore..  I dont know of anything more to do. He is on ADD med. We had had it changed over the years to keep up with the progession of his symptoms.


    I just dont know what else to do... I cant take anymore that life has to throw at me right now... Suggestions PLEASE!


     

    +6  Views: 874 Answers: 17 Posted: 6 years ago
    Bob/PKB

    (Jenn, please excuse me for posting my answer in the comment section of your question)
    Your son may have undiagnosed learning disabilities along with the ADD. Has the school district done evaluations? What are his test scores at the end of the year national testing? How well does he read and comprehend? EVERYTHING depends on his ability to read and comprehend, and math is a language all of its own.
    Make an appointment with the guidance counselor assigned to your son and insist he be evaluated for learning disabilities. Don't delay. If there are L.D. your son qualifies for an I.E.P. (Individualized Education Program)the school district is responsible for implementing and following through with for your son.
    These years are extremely difficult without adding academic struggles to the mix.
    In the meantime, keep an eye on his moods, what he does with free time, who his friends are.
    My heart goes out to your son. One student, in his "hello, teacher" letter, 7th grade, asked me not to call on him to read aloud in class because he couldn't read very well.

    17 Answers

    Oh Jenn...I just don't know what to say that would help you.  Maybe you have done this already, but is there some kind of family counselling available for all of you, so a professional can sort it all out and find a way to help?  Are there social agencies that could get involved?  Is there a volunteer association  where they could perhaps find some volunteers to give you and hubby a break....tutors, babysitters, housekeepers?  You sure need to take care of yourself....sleep, exercise, time to yourself, time alone....things that help you to relax and refresh.  I just don't know what to suggest.....so sorry.   :(

    Jenn

    Thank you ducky.. I am not trying to pull a "woo is me" ...
    I am heartbroken to see him struggle. But more so I am worried for him and his future.
    The only tutors available in our area make 25 dollars an hour. And the teachers do not work with students before or after school, unless you pay then to.. I never concidered a family councelor.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    Jenn, I SURELY DO NOT see you as a "woe is me" type, not at all. A family counsellor can often look at the big picture, see clearly that everyone in the family is feeling overwhelmed and offer good suggestions to help things operate more smoothly. I have no idea about cost though, or if perhaps a social agency could help with the financial end of things. You really have to scream loudly though about being "at your wits end" in order to get their attention, unfortunately.

    Talk to the doctor about ridilin. Grandson was taking it for a few years for the same thing. His IQ soared and became very interested in school. Won't hurt to ask. My grandson has been off the drug for years.

    Jenn

    He is on an ADD medication... We chhnged it about 4 weeks ago... The one he had takien for several years started making him very sick.
    ed shank

    Try Ridilin.
    mycatsmom

    I think they phased out Ritalin, b/c there are newer drugs for ADD.......ones that doctors and pharmacies can make more money on .

    Same here Jenn, apart from medication I don't know what services are available for you, I'm sure you would have already looked into them anyway, is there something your son is really interested in and good at? it would probably help his self esteem to promote an interest even if it's not school related (sport , music etc)

    Poppy3

    lambshank - another interest is good - a diversion would be good I feel.

    Im not sure what to suggest, have you had word with the teacher, hope fully, he/she, can give you in site to things, about your child, that you have not realized. Just though.

    Jenn

    His teachers have always been more than willing to help devise a plan that would help keep him on track.. However since he started HS his teacher have not been very coppritive...
    Dollybird

    Would it be in your sons interest, you have word with the teacher, at his new school. Maybe starting at new school, and not having the support from those teachers, has set him back. Now maybe he feels he loosing out, not having a plan that would keep him on tract,

    So sorry Jenn - so very very distressing - there are already some good suggestions here - I am worried that you cannot sort this out with the new teacher. Distraction from the educational side of things though helps as too much emphasis can create more anxiety in you, hubby and your son, and can also be transferred to your son.. Attention- Deficit hyperactivity disorder is a difficult diagnosis and here in the UK Ritalin is used in children over six years as lambshank suggested. I am sure you have looked at diet etc. A child psychologist would be good here and as suggested a councillor - all good suggestions here.


    You may feel this does not help you but please try to relax and approach this more casually as although education is important many people in this world have done well without it and help with self esteem and happiness is good above all as I know you do know but please try to relax more - so very easy to say - I do hope you get help with this. I feel he is of a very difficult age and things will get better - it  also seems to have been a bad couple of years for so many which as you know changes the psychological environment - sorry if I have bored you as I am sure this is more like re-itteration for you and yours,  and I wish you all the very best.    

    Jenn, I'm sorry about this situation! High School isn't very much fun for a lot of kids, the rebellion is normal- but worrisome all the same!  I like the idea of talking to his guidance counselor- maybe they have a school system for free tutoring???  Sometimes, at this age that can help alot.  Give yourself a huge pat on the back for all that you and your husband have done for him.  Pay some needed attention to your daughter and relax.  If he can not or will not do small periods of work (like even 20 min segments) I do not know anything else to tell you.  My prayers are with you and your family!!!!!!!  p.s. please go easier on yourself- you are a phenominal woman and Mom.

    Sorry Jenn wish I knew what to do.

    I had a son who was just the same as yours. I helped him at home and did everything I could to help him. Finnaly I told him that because he really was not trying and was lazy I would not be helping him anymore. I told him that I made it thru high school in 4 years, will you? I made him be responsible for himself. He did wake up when he realized that I meant what I said. He did make it thru high school on his own, although he took the 5 year plan! Lesson learned - the hard way.

    Jenn, changing a school, moving to a new location or a city are very traumatic to kids because of new adjustments. Some kids adjust and others withdraw and lose interest in everything.  They also don't like help from anyone because it is embarassing to them.  To see them helplessly is hard.  Love him as you do, prepare food that he likes, get him interested in friends,sports - anything that gets his mind off "ALL BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO Me" feeling (I am saying this from firsthand experience).  Take him on a short  holiday- he might open up. Jenn, I know the feeling and I pray he comes around and bounces back soon. Both mom and Dad will have to be very strong under this trying time.

    Jenn

    We have not moved.. He just went from our local Middle School to High School. But as far as the "bad things that happen", he sure has had a hard couple of years.
    Thank you.

    I don't know what to suggest except maybe start focusing on other things, positive things.  Build him up in other ways and may interest in school will follow. Stop making school work such a big deal. He may just relax and learn something............I dunno.............

    Poppy3

    jhhartan - you are so right - school work not such a big deal - and focusing on positivity although hard to do here is important.
    first of all, talk to his teacher in the class that he's having the most trouble in. Maybe he/she can give him personalized attention after school. Secondly, have you ever got him a tutor ? Try that.
    Hang in there, Jenn, b/c you and your hubby are doing the very best you can.

    Jenn, I know you think I'm smart, but let me tell you something. I had the same problem in school with math. The only thing that ever worked for me was getting weekly progress reports from the teachers. I don't know if they still do that, but I'm sure you could speak to someone at school.


    Lazy may not be the problem when you have ADD it's difficult to pay attention to something that's boring to you. You have to find a friend who is great in math and can keep his attention, or pay for a tutor. Hope this helps...

    friendindeed

    Leeroy. I thought you were dead.
    leeroy

    No, but I had some heath issues for a while there, I was worried you had passed into the great beyond as well... Good to see your still ticking like a Timex my friend.

    " May I suggest  maybe gettin in contact with a retired teacher for tutoring after all it is some thing they enjoy doin. As for the (ADD) meds, there are staff social workers that can help in medical guidance."

    Jenn, is there a school councelor at his school. ?  I would suggest you talk to him or her about your son. Maybe the new medication is not working for him? Does he have friends? Mabe he is depressed.? Although I think his age might have alot to do with it. I think he needs some space.

    Your Remedies:  Hugs and Hand holding, Praises, Love, Ice cream, Laughs, Nothing serious, and private moments at the park with him.  Tell him it's OK.  Just don't talk school work or business with him.  Wait a few days for this.  He must first be able to trust you.


     

    Have you considered sending him to a special school, my wife used to work in one hear in the UK.She worked with kids like your son there, if he is finding it hard in a main stream school he could benifit from the extra help he would get in a special needs school.

    Jenn:  Our number three son struggled through school.   No ADD but just didn't seem to get it.   He was a pleasant young  fellow just that he struggled.  Just  keep trying to help and  be understanding.


    Today he's  42 years old ,  has his own business and is doing fantastic.   He has about forty employees.   So he's doing OK.    School  just isn't always the answer.   Some people are bored.  Some just have a beat to a different drum.   Good luck.

    Poppy3

    pioneer2 - maybe a generalization but boys tend to be lazy at school. Many famous people so hated school.


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