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    I am about to get a divorce after being together 23 years. The last 13 or so he has been verbally abusive calling me Java the Hut and Fat CU--. Sometimes he is physically abusive. So why do I feel sad and scared?

    By the way I am a size 10-12 and I am not ugly--That I know--


     

    +4  Views: 779 Answers: 11 Posted: 6 years ago

    11 Answers

    The end of your marriage turns your life upside down. You feel  like your world has come crushing down on you.You don't know who you are. You have to aquire a new idenity. But, there's a lot out there for you to experience, and I know you'll enjoy it Just take one step at a time. 

    I think what you are feeling is normal.The end of a phase of your life & the start of a new one.Uncertainty is what you are feeling I think. Think positive girl & try to move on.Your soon to be ex sounds like a real shithead to me.There are better than him to be had.

    Sorry to hear that. Your scared because even though for so many years its been aweful its still a "comfort zone" You are sad because no mater how much of an  **shole he is theres a part of us that remembers  what we "had" (years ago) . And theres a part of you that has stayed around in hopes that he will change.


    Realize sweety you did not fail. He has issues and will never be happy. In a short time you will feel the wonder of freedom. This comes after you  heal and your self worth is repaired. And wow does it feel great. No matter what size you are there are many people who will find you sexy and desireable.life is good you will see. take it and run , you deserve better. You're worth it! 


     And he better be glad he wasnt married to me. Last guy that laid hands on me


    awoke from a drunken stuper with a certain part super glued to his belly and a baseball bat. (no joke) If you dont have a bat a cast iron skillet will do. I promise you this he will think twice before raising a hand to you.


     

    desert_prencess

    I have another little trick I've used. For $8.00 on ebay you can get a stun gun thats 1,000,000 volts(1 million though I dont think its quite that high) and its just a little bigger than a pack of cigarettes. Even comes with a belt case. Could probably find a phone case it would fit in and he'd never know what it was till he mistakenly hits you for the last time. I just bought my 20 year old daughter one. They are legal in most states and are considered less lethal and they are a great detourant for people who cant keep there hands to themselves.
    Honey if he so much as acts like he's gonna hit you zap his *ss. Ive done it and it's effective.

    Maybe you're blaming yourself for staying with him even after he became abusive.


    It is wrong to verbally abuse someone!


    Whether the words we use are true or false it does not excuse us from harming one another with what we say.


    You are not to blame for believing he could face his own difficulties like a man. He chose to blame someone other than himself. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. You may need to grieve with someone you trust. Unconditional love does exist !!

    Sad because you once loved him and probably, in some ways, still do.  Scared because you are now on your own and experiencing fear of the unknown.  Just keep in mind that you may be remembering  him in the wrong way....what you "wanted him to be" instead of  "what he actually was".  Love does not hurt!!!  This wasn't love on his part. I would strongly suggest counselling, as there is a tendency for an abused person to repeat the same behavior and get into a relationship again, which is identical to the last. Give yourself time to heal and good luck.

    Hey, W.A.G.....Let's just celebrate the occasion!


    ""

    desert_prencess

    I'll drink to that! Hell my divorce was the most effective way to drop 240 lbs in a hot minute.( ha ha) He was a big boy!

    I think everyone else has pretty much said what I would have myself. Just want to commend you for getting out of the abuse and not silently enduring it. No one deserves to be subjected to any kind of abuse, and nothing in this world gives anyone license to treat someone that way.


    Time heals most of the wounds and emotional scars of relationships and marriage. At least now you have the option of living the rest of your life as happily as possible, of which many opportunities will eventually avail themselves to you. The thing that always gets me, is how someone can say they love another person, yet act in a way that they purposely cause the most pain and grief in that person's life. To me, that just doesn't fall within the definition of loving somone...and I am glad for you, that you have freed yourself from that!

    Shootah

    You'll find many friends here, which perhaps will help you through the transition.

    There's no excuse for physical abuse, none. We all lose our temper at times and say things we later regret. My wife has a few expletives she will hurl at me from time to time. I also can be quite corrosive towards her. All  relationships change over time and they should. We all mature and generally that process is equal between the two. If you both have grown but in different directions, let it go. You won't change, because you can't and the same applies to him. This isn't the end of life. It's the end of the final chapter. Time for another book. I wish you well.

    Number one: LOVE DOESN'T HURT.  Number two: go pick up a copy of HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS


    OF A LOVE. It is a very healing book and will let you mourn your loss and pick yourself back up.....

    Fear of the unknown can be debilitating... It may be why you have toughed it out for so long.  Be strong, you are going to make it without him. Best of luck.

    Because you dont know that the next part of your life will be good. You dont know what good feels like .  Are you ready for a better life ? My guess is YES.



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