3 Answers

This is quite a dilema. I guess you have to go back to the beginning of your relationship and realize what it was about this man that captivated you. What was it about him that melted you? Do you make the effort to date again,hold hands, touch him whenever he within reach?Do you dress up and fix yourself up anymore to catch his eye and tell him what it is you appreciate about him? Do you do special little things for him to let him know you love him. Have you hugged him long enough to feel his heart beat against your chest and kissed him long enough to loose yourself in the kiss? When was the last time you stopped what you are doing to really listen to his day without being disinterested or distracted? I know all this has to be reciprocated by him but maybe if you start to make more an effort to love him he will make more effort in return. As far as this other past lover(I assume) You have to remember what it was that ended things between the two of you and realize those issues would still be there eventually bearing their ugly head no matter what. Is it sexually that you think about him? If so then spice up your sex with the man your with. I have to say a man is as good as his lover. This stands true in all ways in a relationship unless one of you is emotionally unplugged.

I have no idea if the longing will ever go away if you just can't mustre up the love you felt for man A.It's a tough one to answer. The only advice I have for you is when you think of this man, send him love and light and let him go. I fell out of love with my ex husband after many years into the relationship, but it was for completely different reasons. He was abusive and an addict and together we were very dysfunctional, so no matter how hard I tried to stay, my need to get my kids out was as real as my need to get out. Are you maybe going through the life crisis that we get when we feel like somethings missing and can't quite figure out what it is? Do you love yourself enough to functionally love someone else?It is said that you must love who you are before you can properly love someone else. I feel for you, I know that empty lonely feeling in a relationship. Only you know what to do, we all have the answers, it's just hard to face them. I have to say that good men are hard to come by and I'm sure you know what a good man he is by the way you talk about him. This other man is a fantasy and if by chance you did get to know him more, you might find that he's just not what you expected.

pej, it sounds to me like you need some alone time.
 
Put yourself in A's shoes.  Think about how you feel about him and how he feels about you.  Think about what he wants from your relationship and what you can give him.  Think about what YOU want from a relationship and what you are giving up to be in a safe, comfortable, yet passionless life.  How sad for you.  How sad for A.

Get over B at your leisure.  You are most likely lusting after him.

Stop using A and start your life as a single woman.  You'll be fine.  Trust me.  Give yourself a couple months to "find yourself" as a person.