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    marriage unhappy

    i have been married now for 226 yrs before that 5 years living together, have 2 kids in teenage years, we dont get on that well, dont agree to a lot of things , my wife dont look after my health well , financialy struggling we both work together during the day , i told her we need to separate get different work so we can have space , but she is not that kind of person can handle working with people,im finding i have lost feelings for her i can see also she has , we both staying for the sake of the kids and possesion , im by myself in this country i was adopted not much family at all , its a worry for me i will be alone , what can or we do , should we move on or stick till kids grow up we both are in our 50 s, i think will will both miss each other still after we separate but my wife is not changing im trying , i talk to her alltime , but she always points finger at me saying its my fault , im fed up

    0  Views: 707 Answers: 4 Posted: 13 years ago
    joe lavane

    corection 26 years marriage sorry guys

    4 Answers

    If you have truly sat down and told your wife exactly how you are feeling without skirting around the subject, trying to be careful not to either hurt or set her off, then maybe you could go get some counselling. Maybe she would be inclined to join in with you after awhile. It isn't at all uncommon to lose that special feeling after all those years and also working together. It's an overkill of like company. Have you thought about looking for a little place near by that you could just try a trial move out but still be together? Maybe having your own space but not being far away would help both of you realize what you need.Life is short to be unhappy and don't think that your kids are blind to what they are living with. The sad thing here is kids learn what they live and they are seeing this relationship as being what normal is. The other suggestion is to start dating your wife again, dressing up a little and taking her out on dates...bringing back the things you did when you were both falling in love. Hug her a little longer, kiss her gently giving all your attention to the kiss, notice her new shirt or new hair cut and comment, playful pat on the backside with a compliment following, tell her she's beautiful and say I love you a little more often. She will either come around or you will know that things are done there. Force your feelings, if they are still there, they will surface again. Try it for awhile...you might be suprised with a little effort.
    joe lavane

    thank you very much mom you sound very professional , i have been trying that, problem is she does not wamt me to associates with friends etc , she stys home all the time with kids , and you know every man like his wife or girlfriend to look nice with a little make up lips stick perfume nicly dress wjhen we go out and also do her hair or change color hair like normal woman do , i miss that when i tell her how i feel he answer is why im i ugly go find someones then how can you speak to someone wont listen but point fingers
    mom

    I have just left my 7 year relationship and this man I thought was the love of my life. He is proving to not share the same depth of love towards me. I am empty and feeling I am standing on shaky ground right now. Being alone and looking back at yet another failed relationship is so difficult. I am hoping maybe given enough time and space apart he might realize something and want to work on things. Leaving isn't always the answer...it is lonely but so is a relationship that is empty. Maybe do try to look around for a small place near by. I would not ever want to encourage a breaking of a bond but maybe through a temporary change, she might start to see what she is doing.I hurt for you and for her...I hope so strongly that you guys can work this out.
    joe lavane

    mom as your nick name sorry i dont know how to call you, i feel for you too , we are in the same kind of relationship , have patience theres a lot of users out there he might wake up , if it does not work maybe we should get together hey lol , take care think positive im also thinking that way , someone said to me there is life after death i belive it
    Mostly everything has been answered already, except for two details:

    a) You say your wife isn't looking after your health. Well, it should be YOU looking after your health. A wife is not a mother.
    b)Also, you indicate that you are telling your wife she has to change. In reality, it is BOTH of you who have to change, you included. Expecting your partner to make all the adjustments alone doesn't lead anywhere but to even greater distance between the two of you.

    So yes, a respectful and sincere sit down will be necessary. Both of you will need to make an effort to keep the relationship going, if that's what you want. Be careful not to end up blaming one another, because that will be the unsuccessful end of the discussion.

    Best wishes,
    Papitou
    Good idea Joe. Questions slip out of sight. Also. you've explained more. I hope the ideas keep coming and help you decide what to do.
    Sounds like the honeymoon is over , sorry to hear . Maybe its time for a sit down ,& have a heart to heart talk on the with each other .One of the toughs things to do is live together , & work together . I'm sure there are other problems to after been together so long .As for been alone for the rest of your life if you spilt , I don't think so there are lots of ways to meet people whether its a dating service or on the internet . I wish you all the luck with your problem , & hope you find a happy solution to your problems


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