2 Answers

I read your response with great empathy for you, PKB. Both of my kids, son 47 and daughter 44, had pretty tough teen-aged years. My son had emotional problems that he has not really resolved. He just has repressed it all. He's not spoken to me in a little over 2 1/2 years. He and his wife have cut me off from their family. I can't tell you exactly what his issues are with me ... I really don't know. As far as raising them. I made a lot more mistakes with my daughter and she and I are really close. She was an addict but managed to get clean and is now a social worker!

1.  My youngest and I have a careful, close relationship.  We have an understanding that some things are off limits for discussion.  He recently called to let off steam about some stuff, then apologized for ranting, but knew he could talk to me about anything (except the off limits stuff, which is on him.  I can talk about anything). We have our down moments, but we have come a long ways from 4 years ago.  He is 21.
2.  My middle son is 23 and has been in jail since late March.  He's had drug problems since age 15.  When he is using, we don't get along too well.  When he is clean and sober, we have a relationship that I cherish.  At this point, we exchange letters and I visit him weekly.  We are close now and I hope when the restrictions of his movement and behavior are lifted, he will make better choices and we can continue to have a good relationship, and he a good life.
3.  My eldest is 24 and we haven't spoken for 3 months. This is his choice.   I've talked about him in some of my other answers, so I'll skip it here.  If he lives long enough to get off the meth (and whatever else he's doing), we will probably have a good relationship again.  Maybe the 8 months in jail (starting next week) will be a good chance for him to clean up.