13 Answers

Depends on his age and if he's getting help. No help, no change. I grew up with an abusive father who swore many times over he would change. He never did. Abusers need deep counseling and sometimes medication because it could be something like bi-polarism causing the mood swings which can lead to abuse. If he has hit you, stay away until he gets proper help which could last a year or more. YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM! Understand that now. Your love will not fix him. 

No, darling they never change. He's pretending. If you take him back, he'll be alright for awhile and then he'll strike and then everything goes back to square one. You don't need anymore trouble, find someone else.

Here's the conversation from the abuser's mouth and it is not to be believed...but I love you...but I'll change...but I need you in my life...but it won't happen again...please, please take me back. As I once heard on a television show...."LOVE DOES NOT HURT".  If he/she (men get abused too) is hurting you, that is NOT love, since part of love is respect.  Get yourself into counselling, look after you, find out why you are willing to allow someone to treat you badly, don't even consider another partner right now (you'll be fine alone) and, most importantly,  get out and stay out!!! 

Furthermore, as harsh and unforgiving as this may sound, I do not believe that counselling for an abuser works.  I do believe that once an abuser...always an abuser!

It has been my experience that they don't change.  I wouldn't put myself in a position to find out if they had or not.  It takes a very long time to heal from abuse.  You need to protect yourself/

Hmmm,they all say that.I hate to dissapoint you,but i bet it happens again and again,take him back and you will see for your self.

Abusers are narcissistic psychopaths for the most part. They abuse you...then they cry. They control you with the "hope" that things will get better. But what they are really doing is getting your permission to abuse you again. Thats how they work.

A police officer once told me that abuse is not what they do, its WHO THEY ARE. Please get away from him, there is no light at the end of the tunnel as long as he is  there to cast his shadow in your life.  

Yvonne57

Wonderfully put. r/yvonne57

Unless he has had counseling  while away, dont get involved again. It will only get worst.  Move on. These people never change.

I think I have to agree with everyone else, in saying they don't usually change. Get away from him and move on to someone who knows how to respect other people. You, or anyone else, absolutely do not need that garbage in your life, nor the family you one day intend to have.

It's been twice now that either me or my wife have had to rescue young women from next door who have run to our house bare foot and bleeding for protection. And it really bothers me that this little jerk only gets a week in jail! I wonder if that judge would feel the same way if someone grabbed him by his hair and beat on him?!

Don't waste your life going through that...run, and don't look back! Over time, many of them get worse!

The likelihood of that changing is very slim, however not impossible. I know a person who was a complete animal, he abused everyone in his family verbally and physically. He was ordered to a "sitdown". He stopped his bad behavior. No future sleeping with the fish.

NO I dont believe a light switch can be turned off.... I believe ppl change with time. Age/ hormones, dependandes, adddictions, phycologicol heath.. all play a prt in most cases of abuse. These things take time to heal.

He wants to change, but it's not likely that he will.  Any reprieve will be short-lived.....and the next time will be worse than the last. 

He WILL keep on abusing,you will take him back & he will keep on abusing until he finally kills you.Get away from him & move on.There are better things out there.Life is too short to put up with that crap.

he or she has to want to. leaving might make them stop for a bit , but unless they get help it wont change. and regardless it wont change over night no matter what they " promise ".  good luck