mom
Lastnight my mother got an excited call from my fater in the hospital. The Doctor had given him a day pass for the following day. In shock and not knowing how to respond she shared in his excitement not wanting to hurt his feelings. My dad had a bad stroke on Sept. 19thl. He is just capable of doing a very shakey transfer from a wheel chair and an assisted walk with two therapistis.Mom is 5'2" and 102lbs and my dad is about 190lbs. Neither my mom or I have been taught how to do a safe transfer nor have any knowledge whatsoever if he fell as to how to get him back up.We were so uneducated, we didn't even know how to fold the wheel chair. He is on a special diet and unable to eat most things due to lack of ability to swallow. His left arm is gone completely and the leg is capable of shifting slightly in a transfer but very weak. My mom has nothing prepared at home as far as disability home care aides let alone foods for his diet.The wheel chair would have never fit through the bathroom door had he needed more than the urine bottle. We have a family meeting with the doctor and therapists....what would you want to say after sharing such a scary shaky day like this to the doctor who decided to give him this pass?
4 Answers
Jenn
What a deficult situation. I know you and your mom want to have him home for the day, if for no other reason than to get him out of the care facility. And you dont want to let him down...
He needs to be told that the house is not safe right now. And perhaps you could spend the day around the hospital grounds.... Go for a walk in the gardens, go to the cafe for lunch.
I think it was seriously irresponcible of the doctor to release him without proper care and equiptment.
We had to fight my dad to stay in hospice for similar reason. I am so sorry you are dealing with this now. I know you are going to be the best daughter to your mom and dad, And you have no reason to feel guilty.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 8 | |
Bob/PKB
Likewise with Jenn and fish girl.
My first son was premature and spent one month in the NICU of our area's children's hospital. One evening we went in to visit him (we hadn't even been able to hold him until the past day or so) and the nurse told us we would be taking him home the next day.
PANIC. WTH? We didn't have anything ready, let alone ourselves. Crash course in bathing and feeding, and the next day home he came. It was a nightmare for awhile.
It is completely irresponsible for hospital personnel to give your dad that information without first consulting your mom and addressing all the care issues you have mentioned. For him to have a successful reunion with the "outside world", preparations and education is mandatory.
Kudos for your mom for being upbeat for your dad and you for overseeing and supporting your mom. I think I would have a long, serious, very pointed discussion with hospital staff about what standard procedures are and what you expect and need from them in order to make your dad's transitions, even for only a day, pleasant and productive.
Every case is different. Standard practice is fine, but tweaks are necessary. We weren't mass-produced in a factory. Doctors and nurses should know that. Let us know what happened on the visit. I'm sure hoping it turned out great for everybody.
Keep the faith, Jenn....you don't know how much Dad is capable of..... Love You.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 7 | |
Ann
This is very unproffesional conduct. I would let you dads Dr. know that you and your Mom schould have been taught how to take care of his needs before he sent your dad home for the day. and also have a home health aide there, just in case.In your dads case, there is a safety belt that you can fasten around his waist, but he needs two people to be transferred from his wheelchair, and I doubt you and your mom could have done that, if he needed to use the bathroom. I am so sorry that this happened to your dad.But I think in time his legs will get stronger and even his left arm. But this was the wrong time to send him for a visit. He simply needs more time to get stronger. Before you go to see the Dr. on Wednesday, write down all the Questions that you have and take it with you.Love and prayers, Ann
| 12 years ago. Rating: 4 | |
itsmee
I thought you were exaggerating but then I remembered when they sent my mom home to my house ---for good. She would be coming home the next morning. She could do nothing. Over night she had become what they call a vegetable at age 68? Her six-week hospitalization had come to an end.
My husband and I moved to the garage room. Our daughter moved to our sons room. Our son moved to the RV. And my mother moved into our room. It tore my family up in many ways.
The next day the bed came, the hoyer came, the bedding came, the wheel chair came and then my mother arrived. OMG. I did what was necessary and when she went to sleep I threw myself in the grass in a corner of the back yard and SCREAMED to the sky. I didn't know how to do anything either ... but I managed for about a year. I learned. Visiting nurses came occasionally. Terrible time for both of us. You know.
My mom had Medicare and good insurance so we were able to put her into a nursing home. I had been told by relatives that I just could't do that. But I did. It was the best thing. She was there for 20 years.
I don't remember saying anything to the hospital. It wouldn't have made any difference. I, like you, didn't want to ruffle feathers. I needed all the help and support i could get. Learn what you CAN do.
Your mother's home is unsafe because of the doors and her size and lack of training. You have to say that. You can say it all ... just "be nice" You understand. I know. I know you're very very angry. I am too.
Take care.
I'm going to print this one out.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
