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    My Teen boys...will they ever love me back?

    Will my boys ever love me? I am a single mom with 2 teen boys. Their dad is almost non existent in their lives and I am the only constant that they have. I love them more than life but have to remain a parent more than a buddy.Their dad supplies pot, money and alcohol which I do not. I give them love, a warm home, my support, and all the daily needs instead of trying to be a buddy type parent.I am open and approachable and tell them daily that I love them. I don't just hand money over as I have told them the real world requires workers so they have to do a chore for money here. They seem to hate me and treat me like the enemy no matter how hard I try to love them and show respect and encouragement. It is so disheartening to always feel like the enemy. Will this ever change?

    +4  Views: 3118 Answers: 21 Posted: 7 years ago
    Tags: teens
    Headless Man

    Pray and ask the lord to help, I have the same problem as a dad.

    psyco mum

    OMG! you just wrote my story. I'm going to follow this post in the hope that there maybe some helpfull advise out there. I am trying so hard to protect my beautiful daughter. She is only 15, my only girl and my last child. But her father is putting her in danger. My son hates me because I wont cop his abuse anymore and I have no money to give him. They have drained me emotionally and financially. I wish you all the best mom.

    21 Answers

    Well they are teens and their "father" is just being their so called "pal" as that probably gets them out of his hair and everything is going their way. You on the other hand are doing the right thing. I know have been down that road myself. I raised my son practically alone and have always worked and when I divorced his father it was the same way he let him do as he pleased and I had to be both parents so to speak as you are having to. I know it is very very hard and tough and that the age they are it hurts badly the way they act toward you, but you hang in there you are the one that is doing the right thing and yes they will understand one day and see one day. I am very sorry for what you are going through as I know exactly how that feels, but keep in mind you have to be the parent and not their "pal" first and foremost. May God bless.

    teach them as if you taught them not,you can lead a horse to water but you can not make it drink,especially if it is tied to a post,love is a state of mind it changes over time ,allow others the freedom of their own expression ,allow yourself to bend in the breeze of change.

    mom

    I really like the way you have put that...great words go a long way:)

    To paraphrase Mark Twain, "When I was sixteen my father was an embarrassment. He knew little and just did not understand the important things in life. When, I was 25, I was surprised at how much he had learned in just nine years." The same could be said by your sons in the future about you as a mother.


    That's typical of all teenagers. Brains are not fully developed at that age. Hence, most have a self-centric view of life. That will change.


    Judging from what you wrote and the skill with which you wrote it, you clearly are a highly intelligent and educated individual. That puts you at an advantage.


    When you are in conflict with the boys, you need to take positions you know are correct. When you are wrong, don't deny it but don't advertise it either.


    You need to hold onto a set of guiding principles and stop thinking about how they might feel about you. That they have a father who undermines your authority makes high behavioral standards more important than ever.


    Respect must come first; love will follow. It's a natural course of life. At some point in their lives, they'll reassess their positions and come to you racked with guilt over their treatment of you. It's at that point when you will truly reap the reward of sticking to your guiding principles.


    The father will be out in the cold when they realize the abominably poor judgment he exercises. Giving pot to kids is preparation for a prison term. This guy must be a total idiot.

    Motherbee

    Well said, Socraticus. I couldn't have said it better. The boys' father needs his head examined.

    Chill. They will realize eventually who's looking out for their best interest. No one has ever had a worst relationship with their son than I. Had him thrown in jail numerous times for just about everything from dope, stealing, assault you name it. He was destroying my marriage and that wasn't going happen. So at 18 I threw him out. He showed up 2 years later after a trip through the real world and became a completely different (normal) human being. Today we have mutual love and respect for one another, he knows I'm his father and not his buddy. We live 2,000 miles apart but he calls every day between 7:30 and 8:00.
    mom

    Thanks Ed...I am sure this will work itself out...just difficult at times being on my own.

    I want to thank each one of you for the quick responses. It somehow makes things oddly a little easier to know that I am not the only one out there feeling this way. Your encouragement goes a long way. There is so much good in this world and thanks for sharing yours with me. As for the Chem trails guy...I have to wonder if you have become a bit obsessed with the subject...no offence but look for some good
    Cheers:)

    redhot2602 - I agree with Colleen. You have some growing up to do. She obviously loves her children and wants what's best for them. Why do you have a problem with that?

    Yes, they will. Obviously their father is not helping, but keep doing what you're doing and they will one day see the light. You are a great mum and I too believe you can't be friends with your kids. They need to know that you are there as a parent to guide and show them as much love as you can. Of course they don't like to be told, but eventually they will understand. It may take a while but they will come around. I can't believe their father supplies them with drugs and alcohol. He should be reported to the police. I know it is hard for you now, but when they finally come to their senses, grow up and see their dad for what he is - an immature loser, they will return to their wonderful mum. xx

    That's alright...you are entitled to your opinion and I respect that. I also have to say that you should be so lucky to have a mom that says the same things indicating that she gives a shit about you.She could be strung out on drugs and selling you for her needs...do you ever watch Steve Wilkos...if not you should, reality sucks.Being gay is okay...dictionary terms meaning happy and that I am. Thanks again for your opinion. You are outspoken and to some insulting, but I look at it as a strength that will take you far in life.Hold on to your attitude but be kind at the same time. Thanks again....mom. By way this reply goes to the child who told me I am gay for wantint to be closer to my kids...I truesly appreciate the responses shared by eveyone...thankyou again.

    That's alright you have an opinion just as everyone else. As far as gay...not interested in women and if looked at the other way you are telling me I am happy which isn't so bad, One day you too will understand...thanks again.

    good luck : )
    I'M SURE THAT THEY'LL LOVE YOU ONE DAY.....ONE DAY.......ONE DAY......ONE DAY........

    Believe me when I tell you that your boys DO love you however at this time in their lives, they are testing the waters of becoming a man. In many societies, the teen years symbolize manhood and teen boys don't want to hear from the women in their lives. In time they will grow to appreciate you as the caring adult in their lives and will soon realize that it's OK to hug you and tell you that they respect and love you. As a middle school (ages 11-15) teacher, football coach and a father of 3, I've see amazing changes happen during the teen years and soon you WILL be able to talk to them. Remember that YOU are doing what's right for them and in their best interest. As for your husband...he has much growing up to do and has to be reminded that what he is doing is not only immoral, but ILLEGAL. They have friends...they need a FATHER! Best of luck Mom!

    Wait until they mature and gain lives of their own. You are already earning their respect, but they will not recognize it until they are grown. Its normal to feel rebellious against the world. The world requires you to stand up on your own and earn greatness. Right now, you are the world to them, and that is both a good and a bad thing. Once they grow up, they will realize that it is their family and home that is against the world, and that you are an intimate part of that home. Their nobility will reach out around them to include you. That's what I anticipate will happen, and its how I feel about my family. I hope it will be the same with your boys one day.

    Yes it will you sound like the perfect mum to me ,good on you for making them work for their money ,common sense prevails! late teens you will see the change. Keep smiling

    They never quit loving you. They are in rebellion.
    Talk as an adult to an adult with them.
    You'd be amazed at how quickly they'd rally around
    you, if you really were in trouble.

    03/18/2011


    Teenagers are so aggravating because they are trying to break away. By the time they leave you are relieved. However, you do not deserve to be treated badly.
    Don't put up with abuse, you are a hero mom who struggled to raised them by yourself. I commend you as a hero along with single daddy. Like the heroes of wars you have earned their respect and they better damn well give it to you.
    You may have to ask them to leave, if it comes to that. Our lives are short and they don't have the right to suck all the happiness out of you. Cuss words and yelling are not okay. Violence needs a police arrest. Don't take it. Explain quietly and firmly what your demands are, not requests but demands. If they cannot accept them, explain to them that you understand and that maybe it is time to move on. They might do it or they may begin to weigh the consequences of their actions. There's a first, right! Just don't bluff, mean what you say before saying it and then stick to it.


    Good luck and I salute you!
    Professor, single daddy
    Professor

    Hang in there mom, i just lost my relationship, it is what you make it.
    Im a single dad, Ive been raising my daughter on my own since her 12th birthday. She is now 17, We had some rough times but mostly they were hugs and kisses. She had been disrepectful but quickly learned that mean people suck and made her understand she could not get away with it with her good friends so why did she think she could get away with it with me, it helped after she thought about it, I feel the tide is turning and that she really loves her Dad :) Hang tough Mom , hold true to your core values, Hope this helps.

    Yes I belive they will love you more in the end. You give them what they really crave in life. It may take a while. but hang in there it will be worth it.

    Yes they are going through thair teens so give them room
    lol... No! Not really. They will once they are on their own and need you again as they did as babies.

    He's been programmed by chemtrails.

    Roger Willcoe

    Oh! wise man was Offended.....Are chemtrails in any way offensive to you wise man? Just trying to help.



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