I found myself in the same situation, you must control the visits. Next time she want to come over suggest you and your husband visit her this way you can leave at any point the kids starts in. Also, tell her to call before she comes you and her father may have plans. I discovered that the kids was driving my daughter crazy at home and she came over for relief. However, these are her children and she must learn to control them. It worked for me and I hope it will work for you. Good Luck!