97 Answers (61-90 Displayed)

David , he'll be cool with that they had snipers in the war.

Lets hope you don't take your problem up there with you. It wouldn't go down very well if you blew all the angels up.

Rupert Soul, If having no one to leave your money to is a problem you can always leave it to me.My bank details are as follows:

Bank . Netherland
Acc no 1234567
Sort code. 00 00 00
account name Papermoon.

  There you are ,as believable as you questions

(Gives withering look to the fool Earnie)
Still riding the fastest milk cart in the West earnie?
Rupert I am fascinated by the events of World War 2 and have read much on the subject including the 3rd Infantry in which you served. They came under a lot of fire and most of the boys (hardly men) were decimated by the Germans. To have been involved in the carnage is more than most people tody could even comprehend. How did you cope? If an aircraft today flies close the sound is deafening but you had that day after day. Must have been awful. Just tell mehow you coped with it all

Thank you for that Rupert. I have to say papermoon I am becomng a tad annoyed at you constant sniping of a brave old man who simply asked for help (probably at great embarrassement to him) with a medical problem which may sound funny but would be serious if you had it instead of talking it

Rupert, as a matter of interest what regiment were you in during the war?

What a stupid remark jellyfish...and they banned knobbbhead! The man is 1000times worth one of you...pillock

The last message was sent to me privately by Rupert. He said he was afraid that some of you were beng nasty to him and he did not know whether to send it.

Ijust got up half an hour ago. It is my birthday today. 90.. 90 yers old. I never thought I's make it this far so I suppose I should thank someone. I know it's foolish and I am a foolish old man but I went to the Post office last week and posted a present to myself from Bily the Budgie. It arrived this morning. It was nice to think someone thought of me.

I have a problem with my cleaner. I can't do the house myselfanymore. I find money is misiing from my wallet. She saysmy memory is going but I don't believe her. There was 2000 pounds in cash last week.I am sure of it. Now there is only10 and I only went to the doctors and the Post office to post my present from Billy. She said I was a smelly old fool and was confused. But I am sure I'm not.
Thing is I am very weak now, what with the tumour growing inside me and she is a big woman. I am a bit afraid of her. OhI promised to tell about how I coped in the warbut I think I'll go back to bed. Maybe later if I have the energy.
Gos bless to all. Writing to you does seem a comfort.

Look forward to hearing from you.Hope you are ok

I can't believe Rupert you receive such a fatuous, stupid and unhelpful remark than just given by the idiot Ernie. One day Ernie you may be alone and lonely and ill and I hope some mental defective like you is on hand to cheer you up. In the meantime dear old chap please don't go. At least you have Billy the Budgie and us to talk to.
Kind regards

I have to agreewith David. Stupid remark papermoon from a stupid person

Oh Dear old Rupert. I was so sorry to read yout last remarks. I am sure you will go to heaven and meet your Darling Mary again. As for the lads well if there is a God you will all be found in the bar in heaven, all the same age and having a drink and a laugh. Have one for me?

Further to my answer. I would like to say that My father was killed in France during the war and we still have a party on his birthday. I don't know London well but up North we have loads of British legion Clubs. I am sure you would find some companionship there. I suspect that if you had a more active social life then the farting problem might go away.Trumping amongst old soldiers wouldprolly start you laughing and you could guff you way home without a care.

How horrible of papermoon to doubt a brave and lonely war veteran. If men like this man had not been around we would not enjoy the freedom we have today. Shame on you

Dusty is a brown nose. Dusty is not interested in why this old guy farts. All Dusty can see is $$$$$. Com'on Dusty he doesnt really have lots of money. Think about it, why would he be telling strangers. Anyone his age knows plenty of people... family, friends, colleagues, neighbours. It's amazing the people who suddenly want to be your friend when they know you have money.

my suggestion to u would be change your eating habits ... see what u ate that day which triggered it... sometimes our bodies are allergic to certain foods and cud cause this... i have terrible stomach ache if i ate eggs , and wheat , although i am not allergic to either of them... as you have mentioned, stress can be a factor... so change ur lifestyle...and try to do yoga and relax urself ... might help ;) good luck ... those who think its some kind of joke please start to fart from today ROFL!

i almost forgot to ask... did u have allergy test ??? i know a friend of mine , who had wheat allergy n showed symptoms of heart burn n bloating n flatulence ;)

You ate too much junk,

Well Rupert, welcome to the smelly world of old age! Friend, it is my learned opinion that you are attempting to read the temperature with a speedometer; judge the speed of your auto with a thermometer; peel potatos with a hammer and drive nails with a potato peeler.

What I'm attempting to convey here is that you are approaching the problem incorrectly. First you create the problem and then you try to solve it. QUIT CREATING IT! Farting, flatulence, passing gas, breaking wind or what ever else one chooses to call it is a natural reaction to CERTAIN FOODS.

If you lay for a long period in the hot summer sun, are you then surprised by the sunburn you acquire? If you always go out into a rain storm without an umbrella are you then shocked to discover you always get wet?

Einstein said: "If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got."

Rupert, make a list of the things you eat and take it to your DR. He can eliminate the gas-forming ones.
By following a sensible diet (meaning no gas-forming food) your problem will be solved. Good Luck!

I was so touched by your comments and your interest david that I will reply.However I am not very well at the moment but I will try to reply tomorrow.By the way Billy loves his new bell and it is ringing merrily as I write this.
God Bless

Oh dear. I don't think I will be writing anymore but thank you all who gave a dying old man a passing thought. I was adopted as a child having been brought up by the Sisters of Mercy in Manchester. Apparantly I was found wrapped in a brown paper bag in the public toilets which used to be situated next to Kendals. My mother came forward afterwards but was a fallen woman and could not afford to keep me.So I have no family and my adopted parent are sadly no longer with us. They My grandfather must have had no children at the time of his death and left me his money.
I met Mary in a skating rink (we both loved skating on the ice)and she promised to wait for me until after the War which ,thank God she did. All her family was killed in the Blitz when her house was blown up by a Doodlebug.
So I am alone with just Billy the Budgie and Mary's ashes. But Billy does make cheerful chirp and I am going out now to treat him to a new cuttle fish and as it is his birthday a new silvr bell.
Good luck all of you dear people

Dear boy David. AQctually I serves with the 3rd Infantry stationed at in Bulford. We were in France 1939 until 1940, Although O was not with them after due to extensive war wounds They were in northwestern Europe from1944 until the end of the war. As mentioned before we fought at Ypres-Comines Canal (where the lads died and I was injured), then Normandy and too many blood letting battles to follow

Thank you dear mscutipez. And thank you all for caring about an old man. I know you all say I should noy worry about this and it is natural but I do find it awfully embarassing. I went to the doctors late afternoon yesterday to talk it out with her. In the waiting room as so often happens I found myself on my own as everyone started to move discreetly away from the rising oudour caused by my uncontrollable stomache.Luckily my guffing is silent.
Any way the doctor could not help as usual. She looked about 12 to me with a fresh face and a windsome girlish smile. Unfortunately the tests I have been taking show I have about 6months to live so farting is the least ofmy problemsnow.
Does anyone believe in life afterdeath?
It would be nice to think I could be reunited with dear Mary and the lads who died in France. Will the lads be still young while I am old? Will Billy the Budgie be there?
The other problem I have is I am very wealthy due to my grandfather in Africa. Who do you leave your money to?

Thanks you so much for the replies. I will certainly try the herbs mentioned. I have a lot of money due to the fact that it was left to me by my grandfathet who was a Colonel in Africa and later went into the diamond mining business. So that is not a problem. Pity is I have nobody to leave it to. What do you think of herbal remedies? Or perhaps acupuncture?
Thank you dear fellow rousabout for your interest. I do have stools every day so that's not the problem. It's the constant guffing.
papermoon.... I wam sorry you feel as you do. I was decorated in the war and received the George Cross but I suppose you are young and I thank God you never had to face seeing your best mates ripped to shreds in the prime of their lives. Then having to go go back home to the prefab in Salford and find all your friends are no longer there and you feel guilty because you are not one of them.
Apart from the angina I still carry the memory of the Panzer Division which carved it's way through France. The officer in charge asked for volunteers to try to storm a machine gun nest and me and Tommy Marchbank were so tired and scared and sick of war that we volunteered, thinking that death would be at least a respite from the constant shelling and trenchfoot. Tommy ran forward lobbing grenades and his head just disappeared. I was blown off my feet and was rescued later. I still have a piece of schrapnel in my right buttock.
But I suppose nobody really cares...nobody. So I will go now and say hello to Mary whose ashes are on the mantlepiece and have a little chat with her and Billy the budgie who chirps his way merrily .
God bless you all

I am sorry to hear that, ya this is really embarrassing,just think about your diet I am quite sure you will find some kind of food which you are used to eat is the main cause for that.

I hope you find a cure so soon.

MY RUBBERT THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH. YOU WILL BE REUNITED WITH EVERYONE....ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS REPENT OF YOUR SINS. ASK GOD TO FORGIVE YOU FOR YOUR SINS. BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST, ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR PERSONAL SAVIOR. AND I PROMISE YOU.... YOU WILL GO TO MEET YOUR WIFE AND FRIENDS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK ONE ON ONE ABOUT IT. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME..DO YOU HAVE GOOGLE ACCOUNT...WE COULD CHAT THERE..MY EMAIL IS DAITCHIEBOYD72@GMAIL.COM...I WILL BE AWAITING YOUR EMAIL.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS HEALTHY TO FART (PASS GAS).YOU ARE LUCKY. I HAVEN'T PASSED GAS IN NEARLY A YEAR. INSTEAD I BELCH. WHICH IS VERY LOUD RUDE AND I CAN'T CONTROL IT. MY HUSBAND WILL PASS GAS IN PUBLIC AND LIFT UP HIS LEG WHILE HE IS DOING IT. HE FARTS SO MUCH THAT EVERY 10 MINUTES HE FARTS..YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUND...SOMETIMES IT IS FUNNY..HE WILL PAS GAS QUIETLY AND HOLD MY HEAD UNDER THE COVERS AT NIGHT...YOU CAN TELL HIM TO FART...AND HE WILL ACTUALLY FART. PASSING GAS IS A NATURAL PART OF LIFE...IT IS THE WAY YOUR BODY GETS RID OF AIR. PLUS THAT IS A SIGN YOUR DIGESTIVE TRACT IS WORKING PROPERLY. MY HUSBAND IS ALWAYS FARTING AND I JUST SMILE AT HIM AND I SAY TO HIM. "HONEY I LOVE YOU. EVEN WITH ALL YOUR STINK."
DUSTY

Here's a product that's available at drugstore.com...it's called "Subtle Butt, Disposable Gas Neutralizer Pads". Here's the link...
http://www.drugstore.com/solutions-that-stick-subtle-butt-disposable-gas-neutralizer-pads/qxp187617

try a cork

HELLO RUPERT, I'VE READ URE URE INCONVENIANCE WITH THE GREATEST INTEREST, ALSO THE ANSWERS PEOPLE GAVE TO YOU.
FIRST I WANNA TELL U THAT I ADMIRE URE OPENESS IN THIS MATTER AND SECOND I THANK U PERSONALLY LIKE U AND URE (GONE) FRIENDS, WHO LEFT THEIR PRECIOUS LIVES ON THE BATTLEFIELD !! PEOPLE LIKE U WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN AS WE THANK OUR FREEDOM BY PEOPLE OF URE KALIBER.
TO COME BACK ON URE INCONVENIANCE U TELL THAT U HAVE TRIED ALMOST EVERYTHING, EVEN THE REGULAR DOCTORS CANT FIND THE COURSE OF IT SO IT SEEMS TO ME THAT ITS NOT A PHYSICAL FACTOR BUT MORE A PSYCHOLOGAL MATTER. IF I UNDERSTOOD WELL URE FARTHING STARTED DURING OR AT THE END OF THE WAR, SO I WOULD SUGGEST TO SEE A GOOD HYPNOTHISIAN. I THINK THERE IS A GOOD POSSIBILITY THAT U GET FREED OF URE INCONVENIANCE WITHOUT EXPENSIVE MEDICATION THAT WONT HELP, IT WILL DO NO HARM TO URE ANGINA AND AS WE SAY HERE IN HOLLAND : IF U DONT GIVE IT A SHOT, U HAVE MISSED ALREADY ON BEFOREHAND !!!
hOPE SO MUCH IT WILL WORK FOR U,
KIND REGARDS AND LOTS OF SUCCES,
pETER WEBER