Bob/PKB
Never a dull moment here, as you know.
We've had a major upheaval with the son who has the 3 little ones. Custody papers are signed and in order (he went to a lawyer). Van has been pulled out of sand in dry pond bed by a tractor (tow truck couldn't handle it), driven there by his girlfriend's drug-dealing, on parole, lover. (This is just the tip of the iceberg, which will remain submerged)
Son can't seem to understand/accept the kids' mom is a meth-wh***, alcoholic. She's disrespectful to everyone, but especially my son, who continues to "take the high road" and show care and compassion for the woman whose treachery put him on the brink of suicide a week ago.
It's important to continue being the one he can talk to, (he is staying with me, as are the kids when he has them, 50-50), but so hard to keep my mouth shut and watch him make the same mistakes countless others have made before him. His brothers have first hand knowledge of her infidelity, which she has lied about, of course.
1.SHOULD his brothers tell him what they know (FACTS) (and, yes, it probably won't make a bit of difference)
2.How do YOU keep quiet when you want to scream?
19 Answers
witchway
Best answer!
We raise them with values and then give them wings. Don't take on "his" problems, let him solve his own and on his own terms. Meanwhile, bite your tongue. I know, easier said than done.
| 10 years ago. Rating: 6 | |
ClevelandRick
If the brother's are going to tell what they know,I hope it is a strong bond that they have because that can backfire on then in a New York minute.I say let him find the truth for himself.As for you,tune the fools out and get into those grand babies and your son just may learn what what really matters in life.All the best to you Bob...
| 10 years ago. Rating: 14 | |
Ducky
jhharlan
Tommyh
clu
Drama drama drama! Will the brothers do what you want them to? It seems it can't be to horrific if you can go to the gym after this statement! And I might add I will probably wish I was like Hector and not say nothing! Too late now!
| 10 years ago. Rating: 11 | |
It makes sense to question, clu. It does sound weird to post this question on the way out the door to the gym.
hector5559
robertgrist
Family secrets are hazardous...."damned if you do....damned if you don't." This is where the term, "Ignorance is bliss and wisdom is divine," comes to mind. Then I hear that age old remedy; "Keep your pie-hole shut!", "It ain't none of your business!" and "Keep that to yourself!". When it comes to Business secrets it's "Who needs to know?" also National Secrets.....but includes no warnings generally. With family secrets.....thinking back over my own....My family was addicted to "forget it" and applied that to any and every spoken consideration that my parents thought should be dismissed. Dismissiveness leads to abandonment. I reside in California and my family members who survive, reside in Virginia....we have nothing to discuss. We simply "forgot about them" both ways.
That's the problem with keeping secrets...it isolates people and destroys families. Everyone has an opinion about everyone else and can't wait for them to leave the room to talk about them with the "in" group and laugh about it later or as they leave the room. All those opinions circulating about like a private tasting party of secret witches brew...so as to unify the group opinion and swear everyone to common secrecy.
....And if the "Mark" ever figures it all out or is told by a squealer, then there is "denial" to cover all that back up. "They were talking about someone else, not you, dear." And then when you confront others with what they said...denied, one and all alike. I think, he or she, must be going crazy. and off to the funny farm we go. Aunt Martha is so much nicer and a bit forgetful now that she has had electro-shock therapy.
| 10 years ago. Rating: 11 | |
ROMOS
daren1
Let the boy's/brothers do your screaming for you.Another words let em tell their other sibling what's up,your stressed out enough from what i see. Take control of what you can, no matter how hard you can't control their actions but you can however control yours . As far as screaming go ahead and scream you got every right to do so.whatever helps your stress..!!
| 10 years ago. Rating: 10 | |
bustieone
Bob, the boys are so lucky to have you, I would instruct the boys to sit him down and quietly tell him what he needs to hear. Hopefully he will listen, and it may help with his handling of this dreadful woman. All the best, you and yours are in our prayers... Regards
| 10 years ago. Rating: 10 | |
It will take time.
bill.chamberlain.395
yes his brothers should sit him down quietly and spill the beans, it's for his own good in the end.. as for question two, just grin and bear it, it will all work out eventually i'm sure....
| 10 years ago. Rating: 10 | |
Thanks for your answer. One brother is going to tell him what he knows. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
sunnyB
melandrupert
| 10 years ago. Rating: 8 | |
terryfossil 1
hey bob,,,,i think you have enough answers to your question without me putting my two bobs worth in...however read em all,,sit down and think about em,,,make a decision....then take the road that best suits you and the whole situation.....i really do wish you the best,,,,,not an easy one.............................
| 10 years ago. Rating: 7 | |
mycatsmom
a man will usually listen to another man before he'll listen to a woman. So, like many other people here have said , have his brothers talk to him about it. You can certaily give him your opinion, but if you want to make headway, have a man who he respects give him a " Dutch Uncle " lecture. Do you have a male cousin or brother or neighbor who can talk to him ? - - - - - -preferably someone who's a little older ? It doesn't sound like the kids should be with the mother at all, b/c she's not a fit mother. They should be with him and you 100% of the time.
| 10 years ago. Rating: 6 | |
I find that as I get older, I am getting better at it, but sometimes slip and say things.
| 10 years ago. Rating: 6 | |
figtree3
#1-Both brothers at the same time.
This article may apply;
http://www.yourlifecheckup.com/article.php?artid=65
| 10 years ago. Rating: 6 | |
What was it you said Bob,?????????
| 10 years ago. Rating: 5 | |
My son is not faultless, obviously. He works 48 +hours straight, but you still need to take care of your home. He's great with the kids, but still has lots of growing up to do.
