caddam
Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' Put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $ 10,000.
The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few Days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Wal-MartSupermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave The premises.
Under intense Questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the Newspaper, the headline declared...
(You're going to hate me for this...)
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ Wal-Mart
Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you people.
2 Answers
ROMOS
From the net.
>WAL-MART APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.
They hired him because he was so funny.........you gotta love it!!!
NAME: George Martin
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one
that will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style
severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
UP
TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do
you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
***Old People Rock! ***
| 12 years ago. Rating: 4 | |
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