Thank you I am off now. I would like Joan (the cleaner) to leave me alone but I am afraid to ask her. She is a big woman with arms like hams. Sometimes she clips me over the ear and pretennds it was an accident. She also is talking about me sighning over my money to her as I wont be able to go to the Post office soon but I am not sure. I don't know whether my farting is doing Billy any good. He is very quiet today and just sitting in the corner of his cage. Not a twitter.
Thank you dear dear Volcane. As I said earlier the tumour is growing fast so I will not bother papermoon much longer. Sounds such a gentle name as well....Oh well. I am rather frightened as my cleaner has arriived and as she has been the only person in the apartment I don't know who else could have taken the ?2000 from my wallet. Matbe she is right and I am going senile. It's my birthday today and I went to the postoffice and sent myself a present from Billy the Budgie ..Have I told you this before? Oh yes David asked me how i coped in the war. I was lucky. The noise was awful what with the constant bombing from Jerry. I was lucky I got badly injured at Ipres and was sent home. I lost the sight of one eye but it got me out of that living hell. Some lad (who were very young0 could not take it and shot themselves in the foot so they could go home. I remember a lovely young boy Sid. he was only 18 and couldn't stand it. In the end he was running around saying he was a rabbit. The officers had no sympathy. At last he just ran.Just ran away fron the Germans screaming.'I am a rabit You can't touch me' Anyway they caught him and tokk him to a Court Marshall. He was found guilty of cowardice and he was sentenced to death by firing squad. They said he spent all night waiting to be shot and they filled him up with whiskey. The following morning he could not stand so they tied him to a chair and shot the poor blighter. Well as it is my birthday I am taking Mary's ashes in a carrier bag to a local restuarant wher we used to go in happier times. She will be with me and I have asked for flowers on the table. God Bless you all (if there is a God ..I don't know)
I was so touched by your comments and your interest david that I will reply.However I am not very well at the moment but I will try to reply tomorrow.By the way Billy loves his new bell and it is ringing merrily as I write this. God Bless
Oh dear. I don't think I will be writing anymore but thank you all who gave a dying old man a passing thought. I was adopted as a child having been brought up by the Sisters of Mercy in Manchester. Apparantly I was found wrapped in a brown paper bag in the public toilets which used to be situated next to Kendals. My mother came forward afterwards but was a fallen woman and could not afford to keep me.So I have no family and my adopted parent are sadly no longer with us. They My grandfather must have had no children at the time of his death and left me his money. I met Mary in a skating rink (we both loved skating on the ice)and she promised to wait for me until after the War which ,thank God she did. All her family was killed in the Blitz when her house was blown up by a Doodlebug. So I am alone with just Billy the Budgie and Mary's ashes. But Billy does make cheerful chirp and I am going out now to treat him to a new cuttle fish and as it is his birthday a new silvr bell. Good luck all of you dear people
Dear boy David. AQctually I serves with the 3rd Infantry stationed at in Bulford. We were in France 1939 until 1940, Although O was not with them after due to extensive war wounds They were in northwestern Europe from1944 until the end of the war. As mentioned before we fought at Ypres-Comines Canal (where the lads died and I was injured), then Normandy and too many blood letting battles to follow
Thank you dear mscutipez. And thank you all for caring about an old man. I know you all say I should noy worry about this and it is natural but I do find it awfully embarassing. I went to the doctors late afternoon yesterday to talk it out with her. In the waiting room as so often happens I found myself on my own as everyone started to move discreetly away from the rising oudour caused by my uncontrollable stomache.Luckily my guffing is silent. Any way the doctor could not help as usual. She looked about 12 to me with a fresh face and a windsome girlish smile. Unfortunately the tests I have been taking show I have about 6months to live so farting is the least ofmy problemsnow. Does anyone believe in life afterdeath? It would be nice to think I could be reunited with dear Mary and the lads who died in France. Will the lads be still young while I am old? Will Billy the Budgie be there? The other problem I have is I am very wealthy due to my grandfather in Africa. Who do you leave your money to?
Thanks you so much for the replies. I will certainly try the herbs mentioned. I have a lot of money due to the fact that it was left to me by my grandfathet who was a Colonel in Africa and later went into the diamond mining business. So that is not a problem. Pity is I have nobody to leave it to. What do you think of herbal remedies? Or perhaps acupuncture? Thank you dear fellow rousabout for your interest. I do have stools every day so that's not the problem. It's the constant guffing. papermoon.... I wam sorry you feel as you do. I was decorated in the war and received the George Cross but I suppose you are young and I thank God you never had to face seeing your best mates ripped to shreds in the prime of their lives. Then having to go go back home to the prefab in Salford and find all your friends are no longer there and you feel guilty because you are not one of them. Apart from the angina I still carry the memory of the Panzer Division which carved it's way through France. The officer in charge asked for volunteers to try to storm a machine gun nest and me and Tommy Marchbank were so tired and scared and sick of war that we volunteered, thinking that death would be at least a respite from the constant shelling and trenchfoot. Tommy ran forward lobbing grenades and his head just disappeared. I was blown off my feet and was rescued later. I still have a piece of schrapnel in my right buttock. But I suppose nobody really cares...nobody. So I will go now and say hello to Mary whose ashes are on the mantlepiece and have a little chat with her and Billy the budgie who chirps his way merrily . God bless you all
Thank you my dear. I am afraid I am of the old school and find this all acutely embarassing. One thing that worries me as I lay trying to sleep at night is that I read somewhere that the gas is extremely inflammable and students have been (I don't know how to say this) have been know to set fire to their bottoms when farting.
I have been a heavy smoker since my wife passed away and I find smoking in bed soothes my nerves.I pass a lot of wind when I am in bed also. Would it be possible for me to blow myself up if I dropped hot ash?
All my friends died along side me when we were fighting in France in the War. We were all young men then and joined up to save the counyry. Little did we know that Johnny Bosch would simply mow us all down with machine guns. We were just outside Ipres when it happened and Billy , who was only 15 and lied to get in the army, had his head blown off. George , who worked on the buses had his leg torn off by schrapnel and I sometimes hear his screams ringing out in the night. As for Bill and Tom ..well they just disappeared in a puff of smoke.
So you see I am terrified I will be blown up like the rest of the lads.
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer. Unfortunately I have tried charcoal tablets but they gave me heartburn as I have a delicate stomache due to a serious operation. I did try perfume as well but it made it obvious when I sprayed that I was the one who was farting in the lift. Sometimes if I just say nothing no one knows who is passing wind but I begin blushing and it is obvious. This is really spoiling the short time span I have on this earth to the point where I am becoming afraid to get into the lift. I also have angina or otherwise I would walk the 15 flights of and stairs. I would consider moving home but my wife (who passed away sadly two years ago)and I were very happy there and the apartment is full of happy memories. Oh dear I am sorry to burden you with my troubles but I have no one else to talk to.