16 Answers

Mother took off and left the state with the child, and pretended the childs father was not interested. In fact, father did not know how to find child; twas the age before pcs! Father is alive, and has been searching since having computer assistance; found child...after decades, only to learn this child has felt bitter and abandoned for decades. Very sad for everyone. Family is trying to have grace and mercy in our hearts for the mother; but its tough going. Thank You.

Commented 12 years ago

16 Answers

tabber

Karma: 197810

Best answer!

It makes me sad because that has occurred in my family with one of my brothers and his girl friend. I think it shows little respect for the child. What nerve. It makes me want to shake the person and ask, what is your problem to disrespect your child that much.

12 years ago. Rating: 3
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jhharlan

Karma: 1457190

I'll have to hand it to my mom, she never said a bad thing about my natural dad, she let us grow up and discover what a trash/bum he really was...................

12 years ago. Rating: 15
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Ducky

Better to figure it out on your own. :(

commented 12 years ago

sunnyB

Karma: 390511

I don't believe in lying to a child, but I suppose sometimes they have to be protected from some things when they a very young, but I think they should be told everything as they grow up.But in your case if they have been told horrible things that were not true it's a different matter, then the person who told the lies was completely wrong.

12 years ago. Rating: 13
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Shootah

Karma: 243495

If the things that were said were not true, I would say that was a horrible and most selfish thing for that parent to do. It's wrong on a number of different levels.

12 years ago. Rating: 13
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Ducky

Karma: 1032535

There is often much more to these stories than what first appears on the surface. You may not have all the details/reasons/circumstances yet. You may not want all of them, either. Besides, you cannot go back and "fix things".

12 years ago. Rating: 12
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your right, but when one of your children's life depends on the accuracy or honesty of the child's background, to hell with saving face

commented 12 years ago

Ducky

Understand. Very difficult all the way around and I DO empathize lambie.

commented 12 years ago

Tommyh

Karma: 609115

yep.Eggy hit the nail right on the head.These days when divorce/separation is so fashionable it is life.Unfortunately.

12 years ago. Rating: 12
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Chiangmai

Karma: 370245

If my spouse went to jail for murdering someone, I'd probably hide that information from my child. It's hard to be a child as it is.

12 years ago. Rating: 12
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I think the truth is easier than deception, never underestimate the stamina of a child if he/she is supported in a positive manner

commented 12 years ago

eggplant

Karma: 385805

That's life.

12 years ago. Rating: 11
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Karma: 316611

Never met my Bio father. Asked my mother about him for thirty some years and she refused to have any discussion about him.I did eventually find him in Europe through relatives. His response to me at my initial contact was "never call here again". I hated them both for a very very long time. Like Eggie said, "that's life".

12 years ago. Rating: 11
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very sad, he should be proud of you ed

commented 12 years ago

Even at my age, I can't get this out of my mind even today. I don't feel complete.

commented 12 years ago

Ann

Maybe your mom schould have told you about him, before you went looking for your father. It is a natural curiosity to find out about the absent parent. They dont always end well, like in your case. But at least you tried.

commented 12 years ago

Ann, No maybe's about it. I had a right to know. She simply wouldn't talk about the relationship. My uncles knew him well and spoke highly of him. But at that time they hadn't seen or heard from him in many many years.

commented 12 years ago

It is very sad that this happened to you; and the Bios' loss for sure!! Hate is never healing...sounds like you are doing well & moving on. Blessings

commented 12 years ago

Thank you padovenick.

commented 12 years ago

Bob/PKB

This isn't something I would be able to get out of my head, either. The questions without any kind of answers...
It's to your credit you have put the hate away; it never benefits you. May I echo, Blessings.

commented 12 years ago

Ed1530

Karma: 151970

I agree with eggplant on this one.

12 years ago. Rating: 10
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pythonlover

Karma: 797301

I am guilty of lying to my 7year old grandson, but what can i do.His father is a drug addict and does not care to see his son, so i tell the little boy that his father lives overseas and one day his dad might make the trip to see him.This is my way for now , to protect my grandson from the harsh reality that his dad wants nothing to do with him.

12 years ago. Rating: 9
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lindilou

There's a good kind of bad friend!

commented 12 years ago

Your doing the right thing Phython.

commented 12 years ago

Ann

You are a good grandma. God bless you.

commented 12 years ago

There are exceptions...yours is one. Blessings

commented 12 years ago

Ann

Karma: 477486

I believe it is wrong. By telling the child terrible things about his father, it must have had some psychological impact on a totally innocent child. I dont know anyone this has happened to in my family or circle of friends..

12 years ago. Rating: 9
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Thank goodness you dont. Finding out there is more of these horrible situations than I ever realized.

commented 12 years ago

Bob/PKB

Karma: 945575

Parents should not bad-mouth each other to their children. Period. End of subject.
Look who got hurt in all the answers....the innocent child.

12 years ago. Rating: 8
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gloriafrmCal

Bob/PKB I agree but sometimes things slip out in anger also other family members also feel they should let them know how "lucky" they are because they have such a good mom and family. Children are so much like small mice with large ears and eyes they hear and see everything.

commented 12 years ago

Bob/PKB

Yes, gloriafrmCal, sometimes stuff slips out in anger and I am completely guilty of that when my ex-husband abandoned our children and me. Looking back, I should not have said one negative thing about him. I should not have said ANYTHING about him. I should also have advised everyone in my family that if they couldn't say something nice about him OR me, they should just keep their mouths shut.

commented 12 years ago

Karma: 263570

I was lied to all my life, I visited a grave that was my "my fathers" for many years, he was not my dad, and as it turned out was my uncle, my sister is his daughter, so I guess we are really only half sisters, I detest the the lies I grew up with, it effected me, the health issues with my children, not to mention they were deprived of a poppy and me a father, I love him dearly , we still keep in touch, but I will never, ever forgive the deception , I;m happy he is alive and well living in Brisbane but it would have saved me a lot of of pain and anguish had either he or my mother had the intestinal fortitude to tell me the truth before I got to my 40's

12 years ago. Rating: 8
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Ducky

There may be some details that you don't have? Often there is "the rest of the story" that remains forever untold. Sad but true.

commented 12 years ago

They simply don't realize what it does to ones heart.

commented 12 years ago

Ducky

It must feel awful. :(

commented 12 years ago

Truths are much easier to forgive than lies. Glad to know you finally got your truth, before it was too late. Blessings

commented 12 years ago

Ann

Lamby. That is truly the greatest betrayel of an innocent child and adult. I hope you can come to term with it, for it is only hurting you. By letting go you become free and will feel so much better.

commented 12 years ago

lindilou

Karma: 480785

Mind your own business!This sounds like a bit of gossip...which can lead to slanderous conjecture and approximations that completely miss the mark.Whatever happened is gone now and people will do what they do for reasons only they know.Slander and defamation of character are illegal in some places so use caution when meddling in others' concerns.Peace.

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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Ed1530

Man oh man you laid it out there but good. Thanks.

commented 12 years ago

If I were not a person who is directly affected by this; It would be my pleasure to mind my own...but this IS my own; and it's intersesting to see how many people would feel it would be ok to raise a child in a lie; and then perpetuate the same throughout the childs' life!! Though not the one lied to; if I were, that would be the end of the relationship with the 'liar' once I discovered the truth! But thanks for your kind and insightful anwser.

commented 12 years ago

dad59

Karma: 105025

I believe as long as it's to protect the child from the TRUTH versus attempting to turn the childs feelings/caring against the absent parent. Some children need the truth hidden from them, NO DOUBT.

12 years ago. Rating: 7
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